A
male
age
36-40,
*eerinheadlights
writes:Well ive bin married for five years now and i recently got a computer to keep contact with my friends and fam. But i have found my self in a situation im falling for a girl i met online that lives milles away from were i live. MY question is could this be a phase or a atraction of sumthing i cant have. I need help my wife is slowly noticeing my conection to the internet is constat. Pls sum one help me out.
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (2 June 2010):
 You are living your life in internet fantasy air...take it from me it happened to me a couple of years ago.
Almost happened to me again recently as I discovered by accident that some female I was communicating with and getting ready to meet from FB has actually been married for 13 years and has been carrying another guy around for 4 months on the side...
Ah the wonders of stupid people who don't know how to use privacy setting on Facebook is always a great thing if it allows the scales to fall from somebody's eyes.
But young man just deleting the online woman is not enough. It is now up to YOU to show complete transparency to your wife. This now means she has full access to any and all passwords you have to any and all accounts. I am afraid your actions have proven that you cannot yet be trusted.
Talk is cheap. It has nothing to do solely with doing things together with your wife. You have to understand that this is just the tip of the iceberg,for you seem guilt ridden and not remorseful, and there is a huge difference. The onus is on you to repair this, not your wife. If there are no consequences for your actions, you will most certainly do this again.
I actually suggest after you give your wife full access to your online passwords that you take yourself off the internet for awhile. You have proven if nothing else that you are not able to handle the medium of social sites, so your best would be just to delete your pages and seek some marriage counseling.
A
male
reader, deerinheadlights +, writes (30 May 2010):
deerinheadlights is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell it went sum sum she got upset obviously who wouldint but we spent the rest of the evening talkin about are likes and dislikes and what we could do more often together lol and yes ladies i deleted the online mystery woman well we gona take it day by day on trying to do more stuff together then just be stuck in the house all of u guys feed back gave me the lil push in tellin my wife thank u all
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A
male
reader, deerinheadlights +, writes (30 May 2010):
deerinheadlights is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks u guys for your answers its bin help full i bumpt into her in a web cam chat room when i was chatting with my brother and yes i plan to tell my wife and be honest with her im not in love with the online girl it feels more like a want so i believe with a lil work my relationship with my wife will work i plan to talk to her today
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 May 2010):
 I agree with celiaaletta. How did this turn from staying in touch with people to having an emotional affair? Cause that's what you're doing. I wouldn't leave your wife for an online lover. Interactions that take place online never are like the interactions you would have in real life. You need to sever all ties and go back to your wife.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010): i have to disagree im sorry i am in the current situation wher i would be the other women but before u judge me listen to the situation i know the man i love verry well but he was in an accident and doesnt remember much he remebers me but not much of what we did together so it was almost like starting over on the internet and yes he was married but seperate i was his 2nd g/f since him and his wife split. and if ur looking else where for love then ur obviously not head over heals for ur wife in witch case this will not fade away it will only get worse. u and ur wife can try and work it out but u cant put feelings into someone that just arent ther anymore. im sure u love ur wife but if sounds to me like u may be falling out of love with her if that makes any sence witch this is very common and happends often. u cant ry to patch things up but y pretend to be happy if ur not and y miss out on something that could make u happy forevr and even if this thing with this mistery women on the internet didnt work does this mean u suddenly are excite and head over heals in love with ur wife again?? and if u cant stand to live without ur wife then yes of course u shouldnt be talking to this other women.. BUT if ur not happy and fully in love its better to deal with it sooner rather then later when everything just becomes a mess i belive in honisty and if ur talking to this other women the best thing to do is to tell ur wife what ur going through and maybe that would stragthen ur relationship with the fact that u came to her and was open with how u were feeling before anything got to far sure she'll be mad but then she will relize what u did and how u came to her before acting and how open and honist u were anyone should respect that!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010): Stop what you are doing immediately and start spending time with your wife again, make her feel special to you and re-capture the passion when you first met. If you give in this way to your wife, she will give back. You have to put effort into marriage, don't go out on a whim on some 'fantasy' you think you are experiencing. I speak from experience and I can tell you that it's just not worth it. Remove the 'other woman' from your contact details and do the right thing.
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A
female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (29 May 2010):
 Hello. I dont think this is a phase. I think its called cheating. And if your wife is noticing things, im not sure how we can help you out with that! My advice is to delete the other woman... if you value and love your wife. And just stick to chatting with friends and family. Limit that to an hour or so a day. If not, your wife will eventually become suspicious and start checking on you. When she finds something, which people invariably do. It will ruin your relationship. If you dont want that to happen, nip things in the bud now, before any harms done.
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