A
male
age
41-50,
*moore_31
writes:I made a mistake about 6 - 8 months ago. I started sexting (sexual texting) a younger woman. I have been married for 12 years and have two beautiful boys. Over time though, it seems as if that spark that we had during the first couple years has gone away. I still love her but I would like to have that same sexual attraction that we use to have. It seems as if my wife has lost it. I still want her just as much but it seems as if she has lost interest in me. It felt good to have someone with that same type of sexual attraction show some interest in me. I met this other woman through work and we started texting each other and it became sexual in nature. It never went any further than that though. My wife found out about this and I think she believes it did go further. We do not work together any more and I have not seen or spoken to the other woman since. I know it was wrong and I have done everything I can think of to prove this to her. But I don't think she believes me and it hasn't been the same since. What can I do to get our relationship back to where it was? I messed up and do not want to lose her or put my children through this kind of mess. I just want it to go back to the way it was. Can anyone help me?
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female
reader, veronika  +, writes (21 March 2010):
 You need to accept that it won't go back to the way it was - not yet, anyway. Because in her mind, you cheated. Perhaps not physically - but emotionally.
It really depends on the couple. You can't put a date on when it's all going to go back to how it was.
The key to returning to normal is time. Give it time. Perhaps even go to marriage counselling. People say it a lot when it comes to these kinds of problems, but it's said for a reason. Sometimes you need a third party (the therapist / counsellor) to help things along and to help sort it out.
You need to understand that you really hurt her, and to just want everything to go back to normal right now is selfish. You need to give her time to think and accept it and move on.
So you need to wait. And while you're waiting, you need to show her that you're a changed person.
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