A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm in need of some advice. Course aren't we all? I'm 6 months pregnant and have a 7 year old as well. I'm with a very amazing lovable man. He is a wonderful father, and a blessing as a husband. He is my best friend and lover all in one. We get along so very well people always make remarks of how we are the example of "True Love"The only problem we have really is his family... They are so very evil. There are things they have done that I swear the modern society would have these monsters locked up for their actions against children.My very big hearted man has chosen to forgive them. I said I would support whatever he chose. Yet as they day gets closer of us having our second child I'm more scared of these people. He fights that they are different than from 10 years ago. And/or that the other is better than her counterpart. I'm at a loss, I dispise his sisters, his mothers, and the step father. They are monsters... We fight about these people and don't really talk till the next day and it's nothing about the fight. I've just started to shut down any time those people come in subject or try to contact me. What do I do? I love him and will never force someone to choose between families or me. But I fear these people. When I fear someone I get angry and defensive... I'll attack if I feel cornered. These people are just the type to spread lies,hate, stress. ..Help me please?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2015): I do not get it.Are those people rich or something?Why would you even give them the time of day?So your husband wants your kids to be exposed to a pedofile?What is wrong with him?So those people were his foster parents?Is he so desparete to have a family he chose this crazy bunch?He has a family...you and your kids.He needs to seek professional help to address his abandonment issues with his real family so he can also learn not to lean on dangerous people who were his foster family.You and the kids come first.The stress is not good for the baby and because of that your husband should side with you and cut those pedofile drug addict abusive people out of his life.Foster sister should be out too.You and your babys health come first and unless your husband wants that poor baby to come early and you to stroke out in the delivery room he should stop putting you in dangerous and stressfull situations and put the family he has with you first.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 June 2015):
 Honestly, I see NO reason why YOU can't cut these people out of your life if you feel nothing but hostility and negativity from them.
IF your husband STILL want to see/talk to them, I'd let him, but HE would go there BY himself.
Rumors of abuse, sexual abuse is a serious accusation. But one I'd pay attention to. Just because nothing was done to the Foster Father doesn't mean it didn't happen. MOST abuse is NOT reported. As LITTLE as 6% is noticed by people outside the family and out of that.. only 5% is actually reported. I would NOT want my kids around someone who has that hanging over their head, whether it's true or not.
As for the foster sister.... I would again, let your husband know she can see her all he wants, but you do NOT appreciate how she is trying to tell you to live your life.
Personally, I would RATHER not have had a baby shower then being FORCED to have people around at that event whom I can't stand.
You husband feels a bond to his foster sister and THAT is OK, but you don't and that is OK too.
YOU and YOUR husband need to sit down and agree on how to proceed. If he chooses to still see them, HE can do so ON HIS OWN. That should be OK. You don't have to be around them, but you also can not DICTATE that your husband can't be around them either.
And I agree, DO NOT depend on them for ANYTHING ever again.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (12 June 2015):
 Thanks for providing more information.
Your husband's family do sound awful. The best you can do is have as little ongoing contact with all of them as possible.
His sister has no right to muscle in on your lives the way she's trying. Over time, make sure you see less and less of her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2015): You're making a mistake by letting them help you in any way. You can't accept their help and then pretend that they're not family (no matter how horrible they are). If there's abuse involved (verbal, physical or sexual), they should not be in your lives. I'm sorry that yur husband had to go through this. I feel for his sister, but you have two children of your own.I'm affraid that you have more responsability on this than you care to admit. You can't take from them and not take them. As long as you agree to it you'll have troubles explaining to your husband how you really feel. Life is hough without family. I know, but better alone than having problems.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 June 2015):
 When you wrote: "... I love him and will never force someone to choose between families or me..." you made it clear that YOU aren't going to do a darn thing to improve matters.....
Your options are two:
1. Tell hubby that HE must make a decision to assure that YOUR LIFE is fulfilling... to the exclusion of his family, or,
2. Go your separate ways....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 June 2015):
 I'm guessing your husband suffered some kind of child abuse?
You're expecting your second child? How are they with the first one? You haven't said anything about this one being mistreated in any way so I assume it was only your husband who was treated badly as a child.
More background needed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2015): Of course, sorry I should have the first time. Well, I've known him for 8 years. During that time I knew his foster parents as well. I'll name them S & R. S had a bio daughter that I'll name J. S is an extremely two faced woman. R is a very abusive man and J is the spitting image of her mother. Now, I've heard the stories of these people in the small town we lived in. Yet, my mother told me never base judgement from what you hear only from what you know.
Some years later my husband and I get together. We were doing great till last December we had both lost our jobs. For about 6 months we had to move in with his Foster parents. They originally planned for us to pay 700 a month. On top of that they demanded for my husband and I to repair their house,clean, cook and do the errands they asked. S is over weight and has surgey left and right for her knees. R has testicular cancer.
Now please understand. I have no issue pulling my own weight. I know what hard work is and I actually enjoy it for the rewards at the end is very amazing. Sadly, these people were just...horrible.
We both got jobs immediately. I worked part-time while he worked full-time. I refused to work longer cause my daughter would be out of school and alone with S&R. (One of the stories was R molested J when she was younger) whether true or not. I would not take that chance. S also ignored her daughter or didn't believe her.
They made us their house slaves then started saying our daughter and I were eating them out of a home. Which is untrue. I bought groceries every payday was barely there during school hours and all the food I bought was gone at the end of the week cause they would get high and eat it all. (S works from home)
In December, we found a place and started getting ready to move in. To which S&R had no idea but S would tell me how useless, unresponsable my husband is,etc. They then choose to start asking for 900 a month.
Well we moved out the day after Christmas. Had no contact with them till last week. Also, S would undermine me with my daughter left and right. They both made fun of my family and I for our way of life. (BBQ for Christmas as an example)
The reason for contact was due to J. My husbands foster sister. She was upset that we told her S & R were not allowed at the baby shower or involved with our lives. She was originally hosting the baby shower. J laid a guilt trip on my husband about everything they have done for him and us. Well after many nights of fighting between them and her calling me the next day trying to win me over... My husband said he wanted to talk to S&R to get to the bottom of things.
Now, I agreed that we should let them know. I said we should both say sorry and that S&R should also apologize for the past and try to make ammends.
We went over there and they acted like nothing was wrong. When my husband brought up the whole we should start a new chapter "S" replied that she did say things that were wrong it was just time we moved out and started our family. (Which is utter bull) they askes us to stay for dinner which ended with me doing their dishes, cleaning their kitchen. During that, my husband loaded a few of our things away in S's truck.
She followed us home and my husband finished talking to her. I made a point that I will not allow R back into my life or my daughters. I just will never let a man like him near us. My mother radar goes off. To which my husband was fine with. He just asked I give S a chance. They (husband and J) say she's different without R around. To which she is but that screams weakness to me. Then with the stories and everything I have seen for a woman to call herself a mother and allow the things that have happened to happen... She's just as responsible as R for the damage my husband and his foster sister went through.
They always favored J and put everything on my husband to do. J has always been a spoiled brat. She has a son she doesn't see and parties night and day.
In recent events both of my sister in laws have teamed up with J for the baby shower. Which I'm very happy about. One of my sister in laws lives on hosting parties, baby showers etc. She's a pro. My other sister in law has a very good source of money and can help in that department.
My husband's foster sister is so upset cause they have these talents/ means of income. They offered to host to which is a blessing with 30 plus people neither my house or Js house will be big enough. J has been very butt hurt and keeps threaten that they'll take it away from her. Which they won't. They just have experience with these things.
I get upset thinking, it isn't yours to begin with its about a baby. Though secretly I'm relieved my sister in laws are helping since they are pretty much wonderful with these things.
But that is everything in a nuttshell. Oh and I told everyone after the baby is born that I want 24 hours of just my daughter,my husband and my baby at the hospital. To which J said " F, you I'm showing up either way "
My husband just said that we shouldn't announce when our daughter is born just wait till I'm ready. Which yes, makes sense but at the same time ticks me off.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 June 2015):
 We definitely need more info if you want some helpful advice.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (11 June 2015):
Can you provide more information please?
What exactly have these people done that you hate so much? Are they in regular contact with your husband?
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