A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I am so offended by my friends stupid girlfriends behavior and I am not sure how to handle it. The history is that I have been friends with this man for over 10 years...strictly platonic...we talked about going further and decided years ago not to...never even kissed because we thought it would make us BOTH crack up laughing...anyways, nothing has ever happened between us and I'm pretty certain that nothing ever will and yes... we have remained very good friends. So he gets this new girlfriend a couple of years ago and its been one thing after another with this woman. I have gone out of my way to do things for her and to ensure she never feels left out, to try to be her friend as well, but she is hell bent that there is something going on between me and her boyfriend. I don't know how or what else I can do to reassure her. It got so bad that I found myself not visiting him, until I knew she wouldn't be around - which makes it look worse I know, but she just makes it so exhausting and uncomfortable... and when I call him, he acts like it's a business call and cuts it short if she is there... I rarely get to see him at all anymore.I feel like I am losing my good friendship because of her insecurities. So last week I call him...she isn't there and he says to come on by for a drink...so when I get there, I am met by his bitch at the door who blocks my entry and says"I wasn't told you were coming here" so I tell her that I was indeed invited... he knew...to which she grumbles" well no one told me" and I'm still standing outside ...it's cold and wet... ...I'm shivering and have to ask may I come in? so once inside ..she has a girlfriend there that I also know and we are all just sort of visiting and the bitch pours everyone a glass of wine except me. rude but OK I think, I will just handle it. Well the entire evening...which lasted maybe another 30 minutes she continued to make it known that she didn't want me there, making rude comments and even shhhooosh-ING me, whenever I tried to speak. and when my fiend would try to right her wrongs ...she would belittle us both until I finally had had it , and left (politely of course) vowing to myself that I would never return. What a raving bitch! I want to spit in her face but have more class than that, but am not sure what to do. She isn't worth my spit anyway....but I do value my friendship with him. He loves her, though I don't know why...she has even cheated on him and talked about the details so to make sure he could hear...If she would just act nice... but she can only do it sometimes AND EVEN THEN, it's so obviously fake..usually when she wants something. I want him to be happy but.... wow i don't see how. I force myself to stay out of their relationship issues but I don't think this is tolerable any longer.Any suggestions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): i would talk to your friend about tjis either in person or on the phone whenever you get the chance.
tell him how you feel about this and ask him about what you can do also make sure you tell him that you know he loves her and that you just want him happy at some point
i hope i helped good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): He has obviously chosen this insecure, jealous wreckage of a woman over your friendship and is a shame but what you need to do now is stand right back. Don't call him, just let him make the moves. Invite him over to your place if he wants to see you but don't chase.
He has made it clear he will tollerate her behaviour, in the end he will realise what she is like and he will need you to be a shoulder to cry on.
As for doing things for her, say no and mean it! Why should you do this horrible creature any favours? You don't owe her anything! She can have your friend all to herself because once your friend realises his girlfriend has pushed you away he will resent her and the relationship won't last any road.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): She sounds like a vile piece of work that is completely jealous with the bond you share with him, I think she sees you as a threat because he obviously has a high opinion of you that she feels she cant live up to, and the fact that hes not phasing you out of his life for her also shows that your friendship is so strong, your bond is unbreakable and she just hates that he gets on with you so well.I wouldnt let her get to you though hun she wants you to feel as uncomfortable as possible so that you dont want to be around anymore, dont let her ruin your great friendship, pull her aside and ask her straight up what her problem is.. Tell her that you have been friends for ten years and if something was ever going to happen it would have happened by now, tell her to grow up and act her age, you leave that childish behavior in the playground. She has no respect and sounds like a bully her boyfriend may find her a little intimidating and controlling have a word with him too, dont risk such a great friendship on a such a pathetic person she not worth it, good luck :)
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (12 June 2011):
 Dear friend,I feel your anger, when you mentioned spit? Not worth your spit was funny, with all the respect. I am 38 years old, my besfriend is a male. My case is a little different though, we dated for 5 years and 10 years later all together still remain bestfriends. I am on your side 100% percent. She's rude, she doesn't like you, why? Because she's jealous of you, pure simple. I am sure she knows that you've been bestfriends for 10 years and she's jealous, because you know him longer than she does. Jealous because he considers you a important part of his life. Maybe insecure that might be more than just friends. Jealous that he'll be on your side, care more for you than her. My Godness, she's jealous of you that you know him better than she does. Jealous of everything.... I am not talking about you as a person, or compare you to her or physical appearance. What I am trying to say is that, its not about you, she doesn't have a personal problem with you or dislike you as a human being, but the fact that you are his "bestfriend of 10 years" is what's bothering her and this jealousy will never go away. You tried many times to be friendly, now its only up to her. Who knows? One day she'll realize, stop this jealousy thing, but until then, unfortunately there's nothing you can do. Jealousy is part of being human, we all feel and there's nothing we can do to control. Some more than others. Depends on the person. It takes a very strong, mature, confident person to be able to handle a bestfriend the opposite gender. I am the bestfriend, so I am in your side, no matter what, however if I meet a guy, become seriously involve, I cannot promise you if I wouldn't feel any jealousy?Its sucks! Its sad, hurtful, after 10 years. Good friends are hard to find. I understand how you feel. There's also a little jealousy in your part too, because he's your bestfriend of 10 years? Jealousy meaning, you feel like she's taking him from you, you feel that you're loosing from her, you feel not only loosing a bestfriend, but pride. Reality is: "its what's its" it takes sacrifices in life and if his serious about her, he'll choose her over you. This is true story: my brother got married, I didn't get along w/his wife and he chose her of course and I haven't spoken to my brother over 8 years now. I learned that no matter what a good person you are. You are honest, do all the good things, don't mind other peoples business, never hurt anybody, still life will be unfair to you sometimes. Its not fair, don't make sense, but happens...Don't get upset anymore. I am sure he thinks of you, appreciates you, bothers him, he sees that the GF is being unfair, but he's in the middle. Nobody likes to feel pressure, nobody likes to take sides. For your own health, don't get upset, don't think of this person, don't waste your precious beauty and energy on this person anymore. You said yourself, its not worth it"For now, stay away from them, give him some space, let things settle a little. Maybe the relationship might not even work? Who knows? Anyhow, don't matter.. Keep yourself busy, go out more often, take this chance to make new friends or become closer w/some people you already know?Good luck!Hope this help?
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