A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ever since I was young, I had problems with my weight. But, my height always masked it. When I was 14 I got "sick" and I overall stopped eating and from 14-16 I was healthy/ a little underweight. From ages 17-19 I was a healthy weight. Now at 20 I am obese. not severely obese but if I lost 5 pounds I'd be in the clear. My dad has always been a good dad, he provides for me and all that but, emotionally he's always been cold. Today, was the last straw. I was expressing how pumped I was to go to the gym since I've been good with a routine lately. He replied with "Just stop eating" my dad rarely jokes. so no, this wasn't a fun light hearted comment. He really meant it. I was so upset I spent 3 hours at the gym just working off my steam. Am I in the wrong for being upset? From ages 14-16 I starved myself. I remember him knocking food out of my hand and not buying groceries except for bread and peanut butter. Anyways, I've let all that go until today. It just cut me so deep because I'm trying to lose weight a healthy way. But, he honestly thinks that if I starve myself it'll solve everything. My mom made me feel as if I was a bad person when I told him "I can't believe any father would say that to their own daughter" She told me to "respect my father". I just need to know if I overreacted with being angry with him.
View related questions:
lose weight Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2017): You cannot exercise yourself into the clear and starvation is not the answer.
However, diet is 80 to 90% of the work. You'll need to count your calories and eat less than 2000 per day, but more than 1200. If you starve yourself, your metabolism will shut down, so it won't work.
You're only 20 now, and only a little obese, but it can quickly get out of control. You can do it, but it takes a lot of will power (I did it). Best of luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2017): You are a young adult and you have every right to stand up for yourself. It does not matter who it is. Never back down if you feel somebody is wrong. And dads can be very wrong. They are human too. They are not super heroes and fail many times. Sadly, they fail their kids often. And this is the perfect example of a failure of a father.Your dad is wrong. To stop eating is not the solution. Nor will it ever be. The human body requires food in order to survive and to provide nutrients and fuel to many different systems in your body, including your mental well being. So not just your physical health but your mental health too. When you do not eat, you starve your body. It goes into protection mode where it begins to store fat. YES! FAT! You will only lose muscle density and become skin and bones and shrivel away when you do not eat. That is not good. That is not healthy for a growing young woman.Your dad is a cold and bitter man who seems to take what you do personally and as a reflection on HIM. He is selfish and thoughtless. He is not thinking about HOW YOU FEEL and WHAT YOU GO THROUGH. What you are going through is TOUGH and you need SUPPORT, not MEANNESS AND JUDGMENT. You have every right to despise him for how he conducted himself. Just because he is the father and the adult does not make him by default correct in his behaviour nor compassionate. He is neither.Remember, you need to lose weight slowly. Do not go on crash diets. They deplete you of your energy and once you are off them, you only gain the weight back. They also slow down your metabolism. It is a yo yo syndrome. It is like you are on and off diets forever. Losing weight and then gaining it back. And in the end being heavier than ever. So, not eating and eating very little defeat the purpose. Always.Exercise is key. And so is healthy eating. Both go hand in hand and it takes time. Do not get discouraged if the weight does not come off right away. At first it does and then it plateau's for awhile but you will get there. Your mom should be more supportive of you as well. Sounds like both parents aren't very loving of you at all. That is a shame.No, you were not wrong in how you feel. It is just a shame you have parents who are not more supportive or understanding.Being overweight is not an easy thing to go through. And it is a struggle. Takes a lot of work. Do you have another support system in place? Maybe look to friends or groups for support? Maybe join some fitness classes with like minded people? There is a sense of community when you join these classes and people are supportive of each other generally. Can I suggest something sweetie?I have a similar story. I was also overweight. I did not like myself for a long time. I felt isolated and introverted but deep inside I was a girl who was looking to come alive again. The weight was like an anchor. And it held me back from life. So, one day a friend suggested I join her for a ZUMBA class. I did. And from that day, I was hooked and never looked back. I have lost all my weight and gained so much confidence and life long friends. Dancing is the best exercise because you don't even realize you are exercising. And it's great therapy. You get away from real life for awhile. It is a mind and body experience. I encourage you to seek out a class in your area. Please do it. It will change your life like it changed mine. And never feel bad or discouraged because you feel you are heavier than other people or you cannot get the moves right away. Everybody is the same and nobody judges. When I first stepped into a class, I did not know the moves right away but everybody made me feel so welcome. I felt like I belonged. And you will feel the same way. I loved it so much that eventually I became an instructor and now I am helping all kinds of people lose weight while getting healthy and happy and enjoying their lives. You can do the same.You need to find a new support network. Keep being strong in yourself. And find people who understand your struggles and will be your cheer leader. Your parents aren't it.Keep up the good work. Be strong. Set little goals for yourself. And don't beat yourself up. Be good to yourself. And love yourself regardless of what anyone else says or does. You will have good days and you will have bad days. But the key is to get back on the horse when you have fallen off. Never stop trying. Keep going. It may take time but you will get there. And in the end, you will be transformed and it will be worth it.Goo luck. You can do it! :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (12 January 2017):
 Not the nicest way to convey a message was it. However could it be that you have taken it in the wrong context? Not stop eating , as in all together, instead stop eating crap. You say your going to the gym, his knee jerk unfiltered response was that. You seem to take out your frustrations in a positive manner by working out and one that is going to benefit you both physically and mentally but if it bothers you that much why not just tell him that his words, however unintentionally hurtful, were and instead a bit of support and encouragement would be very welcomed. As for mum, I believe she is wrong for suggesting he deserves your respect. There is nothing admirable about having someone making you feel shit. Thats just old school parenting. Your a young adult, you too have the right to be shown a little. R.E.S.P.E.C.T
...............................
A
female
reader, wanderlustjunkie  +, writes (12 January 2017):
Firstly, I doubt that you are obese. I can imagine that it might feel that way living in a house where your parents place more important on looks and respect than they do on health, happiness, connection, and compassion. Your dad has his priorities totally screwed up. Your health and happiness should be his ultimate concern. If he knows that you previously had an eating disorder and now tells you to 'stop eating', he is being a highly irresponsible parent. In fact, if his comments were more than careless - if he meant them - then its emotional abuse than can have serious physical consequences if you act on his suggestion. Parents should offer unconditional love to their children, but the truth is that many just don't know how to do it. They didn't receive that kind of love from their parents, they didn't learn for themselves, and as a result they perpetuate cycles of judgement, shame, and pain. If you can, forgive your dad for not knowing better. But know that he couldn't be more wrong. Don't stop eating - just eat healthier! I like the Cook + Cure app for information (www.cookandcure.com) but there are lots of great resources to help you find healthier foods and to help you exercise more. The thing is, none of its going to work though if you're motivation for losing weight comes from a place of shame. Come from a place of loving your body, of wanting to feel good, of enjoying the food that you eat and enjoying the exercise that you choose. If you don't enjoy it... choose again! there are loads of fun ways to stay fit. Find one that resonates with you! Check out websites like www.tinybuddha.com and www.elephantjournal.com for inspiring stories and tips about self love and body image. You may not have the support of your parents on this matter, but you'll find support online. Don't let your parents shortcomings silence your own inner wisdom. Your beauty shines through
...............................
A
male
reader, aloverofwomen +, writes (12 January 2017):
well he's not your keeper you should be happy being you. Its not his business how fat you are or are not! take it from experience my wife's father did the same thing even though I have been with her for 6 years and i told her that her size is no bother to me so who cares what he says most good guys don't care if its a deal killer for them then there not worth keeping around if there that shallow. your father thinks he's helping its a different mentality you will eventually find someone who likes you for you and it wont matter what your parents think anyway they will always have an opinion I would just ignore it just be happy being you!
...............................
|
