A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes: Is it wrong for my ex to be upset when I told her that I couldn't be her friend because I love her too much and I need time to grieve and move forward. She has moved on and I just want to do the same but she hates me because I don't want to be her friend not because I don't want to but I can't. Am I wrong for feeling like this????
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (20 June 2006):
 There is nothing inconsiderate in wanting to having a cooling off period. Don't let her guilt you into a friendship and thereby sabotage your grieving process.
She appears to be using you as a security blanket, and she is showing you disrespect by insisting on the friendship thing. As long as she has moved on, you are perfectly entitled to cut ties with her. If she is the one that broke up with you, then you are dealing with your loss better than most people in your position.
Good luck and take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2006): Right. Umm, no I do not believe you are wrong. The choice is that you wish to not continue any sort of relationship with her. Not everyone can do that sort of thing.
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A
female
reader, toritor567 +, writes (20 June 2006):
You both are bcause well he should respect the fact the you justr want to be friends but i eould be made because yiu didnt want to be friends thats kind of mean
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (20 June 2006):
 You are not wrong.
It's ok not to be friends with someone, in particular an ex.
Some people can break up and straight away be great mates, some break up and never speak to each other again, some break up, perhaps don't see each other for a few months and then gradually build a friendship, some break up and remain civil and polite because of work or family situations but never become friends.
In my opinion, all these situations are ok as we are all individuals and circumstances are different.
It's ok that you don't want to be friends yet, that you need some more time to sort out your feelings etc. That's more than ok. You should only do what you feel comfortable with.
Don't let her set the terms for the break up. She's not in charge and you don't have to listen to her. If she wants to be friends, fine but she has to respect your views and feelings.
I think that she is probably feeling guilty over the whole thing and is trying to absolve her own guilt by "being friends".
You take your time and do what it is right for you. Don't let her bully you into anything.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (19 June 2006):
 No, you're not wrong. You feel the way you feel, which apparently, is sad, but sensible.
May I gently suggest that your ex doesn't "hate" you for not being able to be friends? You said she moved on with her life, and I assume that means she's with someone else now. What I suspect is actually much more likely than her being angry at you is that she's secretly disappointed that you're not following her around, puppy-like, and adoring her while she goes about her new life without you.
It's not a nice scenario, and I apologise for that, but someone who has broken up and then carried on her life has no reason to be upset with you for needing time to grieve the relationship. I really think she's more peeved at the reduced attention she's now getting.
Try not to let her response affect you. You're doing the thing you had to do to stay emotionally healthy and to carry on in your own life. Since she's not a part of that, she doesn't get to dictate how you live it.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, maxee +, writes (19 June 2006):
 Being friends with an ex is not a wise decision, especially if you still got strong feelings for each other.all you need now is move on,in order to do this is meet new people, start on new hobbies...good luck
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