A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So my BF has recently told me that competing in beauty pageants is a complete waste of my time. That I need to focus on career and becoming a wife and having more kids. I'm 30 and recently auditioned for a pageant and got in. It's coming up in a few months so I'm spending time practicing with the contestants and spending money (not that much) on preparations and fees. I have won 3 titles before so I know what I'm doing. I wanted to compete to meet new friends and just have fun. The outcome isn't as important as I were in my teens and twenties. However last week my BF really put me down and made me cry bcz he thinks they're all scams and I'm too old to compete ( I naturally have a nice body at my age no surgeries) so why the put downs? Is he afraid of my achievements ? At home I have my old crowns and sashes and trophys in front of his face. He never says anything nice about them yet the funny thing is that last week he watched miss universe next to me and kept telling me how beautiful these women are and he thought he knew who would be the winner based on looks. I told him don't be ignorant it's about how you answer the judges. My question is simple, why doesn't he support me yet he has his beautiful opinions on other women who do the same competition on TV???
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 January 2015):
 Enjoy your hobby, find a new man.
It's that simple. As much as I detest pageants (not as much for GROWN UP, as I do for kids) I also believe that people should have the FREEDOM to do things like this IF they enjoy it. It's not like you are harming anyone by entering and competing.
I have a GROWN friend (she is in her 30's) who does cosplay. She has done a LOT of female comic/movie heroines and she does it well. It's her HOBBY. While *I* might feel cosplay is more "appropriate" for younger people, I think think she is the BOMB for doing it and doing it in such style. Her HUSBAND is totally fine with it. He proudly posts pictures of her in costumes, though I don't think he attend the competitions, he still supports her passion and hobby.
And OF COURSE beauty is a MAJOR part of a BEAUTY pageant, your BF is right there. I haven't seen a single "beauty queen" - Miss this or that who wasn't beautiful (by all the standards of society today). So my guess is his comment was either a dig at YOUR looks or to trivialize beauty pageants. Either way, he isn't in your corner and that is sad.
As long as you treat this as a hobby and not let it interfere with your career I see no problem. Pageants won't pay your bills or support you long term like a career will.
As for kids, well DO you WANT more kids? That isn't really for him to decide is it? Since he is ONLY your BF he has no say in your reproduction.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 January 2015):
 Great "boyfriend" (or ANY kind of "friend"!!!!) you've go there. IF'n he thinks that what you like, for activities, is a waste of your time... and he doesn't wish to support you in your activity... THEN, you have to choose: Your activities or your "boyfriend"... From what I'm reading, I suggest that you stick with your activities and get a new boyfriend...
Good luck..
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2015): If you have the chops to be in beauty pageants, then go for it.Obviously you have the experience and titles to prove that you do.I think your boyfriend is jealous and that he could lose you to another guy.My friend's daughter-in-law won a Mrs. pageant. I am proud of her. I have cousins that have won local titles. There is nothing wrong with entering pageants. It's a "competition", just like sports games are or anything other sort of contest out there.A beauty pageant can be a springboard to other opportunities, even if you don't win. Look at how some Miss America's entrants went on to become newscasters as an example.Your boyfriend should be supporting your endeavors, not putting you down. I feel he has a narrow view of beauty pageants and what they can offer and only sees them in one light. His comment on "looks only" about the Miss Universe pageant support that view or he was trying to drive home his point to you that, that is what pageants are only about.It's up to you if you want to continue this relationship, but I would be looking elsewhere myself.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2015): Haa... it's not about how you answer the question dear, my cousin is in pageants... you can be the best at answering but don't win if you don't have the most toned body or sparkling smile so I think he's righth on that one. Anyway if you enjoy doing it as a hobby tell him, you're allowed to do what you want, as long as you're not spending enormous quantities of money so that you can't go out on meal dates with him or anything then he shouldn't be complaining. He may secretly be jealous that you are openly objectifying yourself at your age especially when you're in a serious relationship with him.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 January 2015):
 DROP the guy.
I had a friend who is still in pageants in her late 40's. It's a hobby to you and something you like to do. It's not his place to tell you which hobbies you should and shouldn't have.
He's putting you down because they're not HIS thing, and because he probably signs off on the pageant stigma. However, he met you and he wanted a relationship with you, so he should accept your passions in life, even if they're not his.
I personally have no use for them, but I completely respect that they are something you are into. Like I said, I've gone to some, rolled my eyes at them, but when my friend went out there to compete, I cheered as loudly for her as I can. She eventually divorced her husband and moved to the East Coast, where due to her new relationships, I lost touch, but she loved pageants, and boy does she look good, as in Glamazon good.
I won't say that he was jealous, but that is possibly a factor, that he didn't want other people ogling her.
...............................
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (29 January 2015):
 Beauty pageants do tend to be mostly about looks and outer beauty - even though most include inner beauty - it's not as highly rated as the outer (how many average/less attractive people are there because they have great personalities?).I think he could feel like another guy could snap you up, or he's just not as into it as you are and just sees it as pretty women on TV.Do you have a job/career? Particularly one that you enjoy? If not, he may resent you for relying on him for money, or that you're throwing money on being in pageants when it could be used for your future together. Do you want a family? By your age bracket, it looks like you'd have to start soon (if you do want to) and you wouldn't have much time or money left over to do pageants.Maybe he just resents it s little that, at an age where most want careers and families, you still want to do pageants. There's nothing wrong with that, but most people think "young person's hobby" when it comes to pageants and it's great for you that you could still compete (you're not even close to being old), but it's an expensive and time consuming hobby that he may feel detracts from your "adult, couple" responsibilities and decisions.You will need to sit down and talk out goals; you may be about to find out you're life goals are too incompatible to stay together.
...............................
|
