A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has just arrived for a 2 week stay (we're long distance) without any money! He says he's taking a month long break unpaid and has just enough to meet child maintenance payments during this time so I'm going to have to cover for him. He did not tell me this before he arrived so I've got to either put up with it or send him home to his mom who will then have to provide for him. I think this idea to come and stay was motivated by his arrogant assumption that I could just look after him while he's taking this break and he's covered financially. I am just so angry and I wish he could understand that this is not right but he thinks if you're a couple anything goes - except he would never ever ever do the same for me, he'd just simply say he has child maintenance financial obligations and these come first.I'm just really angry and frustrated and I don't now what the best thing is to do.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 December 2011):
 Send him home. Tell him you're not his mother and he isn't a child.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (14 December 2011):
 Reading this question and your previous one, send him home now and break up with him. He's a liar and a user and will bring you nothing but more headache. Look closer to home for a guy you can get to know on a more even financial footing. The gall that this guy expects you to pay for him when you've got your own financial woes? Really? Why are you even tolerating this for one minute longer? And why didn't you write a follow up to the aunts who advised you last time? Did you know you were going against common sense?
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (14 December 2011):
 hello,
I just read the link to your previous request. He doesn't seem to be paying for anything. This is costing you a lot of money. I would end this now.
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (14 December 2011):
 Why wasn't this discussed before he came? If it was, and he had lied about having enough money, I would send him back.
I am in an LDR, and we discussed finances. My boyfriends plane ticket was $1100, and we split that. While he was here, he ran out of money, so for the rest of his time, I covered him. This was agreed upon before he came, because he thought that he might not have enough to last the whole trip (3 months), so I knew I would be paying for him. I didn't mind at all, because I know he will do the same for me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): He's a scammer. How do you even know he even has a job? He could have lied to you all this time. That he has no money should indicate he is irresponsible let alone will not be paying you back the money for the ticket that he 'borrowed'.
Call the police, kick him out, don't let him back in. Have the police escort him to the airport.
You are not responsible for his pathetic backside. He is an adult and can find his own way home.
END IT!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-ldr-owes-me-money-hes-coming-to.html
I believe you were warned about him. ;)
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (13 December 2011):
It seems very bad for him to arrive with no money especially at Christmas. This is the time when people need money. I would talk to him, let him stay one week only and then send him back on account of financial grounds.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (13 December 2011):
I think you call it taking advantage of your kindness. I would send him back.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 December 2011):
 I suggest you turn his a*s around and send him BACK to his Mother..... and tell him that he's welcome to return once he grows up!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, bluecow +, writes (13 December 2011):
 yes he has child maintenance obligations... and yes these come first. Those are facts. He has a responsibility to support his children.
However YOU have no such responsibilities. Let him support himself, and kick him back to his mums if he cannot do it. Why take an unpaid break if he was unable to support himself... its just madness.
I'm not suggesting that you wouldnt help out during his visit. At least you could take turns, or he could support you with footing the home grocery bill etc.
I realise if you were living together and things were more permanent, then supporting each other would be done without thought. However, the decision to take a long break unpaid from work would have been a joint decision and so the savings for getting through it together would have been put in place.
I would be furious, and in my current financial student state unable to fully support another adult. I can support myself and my children but the purse strings couldnt be stretched much further. So if I was in your shoes I would be sending him back to his mothers with his tail between his legs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): If he's arrived assuming you will give him a free holiday then he needs to be told the truth.Your not a charity and at this time of year everyones stretched to the limit where finances are concerned.
As he has children I would asume he has had to buy presents for them on top of the maintenance plus his travel costs, so was under the impression you would pay for his entertainment.
If he genuinely has no cash and its a dealbreaker for you, then send him home to his Mum because at his age he shouldn't 'expect' charity. I hope he's not a hot-head.
Talk to him asap.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 December 2011):
 Talk to him. Either figure out what he and YOU expect and what you two can work out or tell him to go home. How can a grown man in his late 20's not have saved up to go visit his GF? and to at least take turns on footing the bill? Unless he had to buy a real expensive ticket to get there.
I know when I flew over to see my BF(now husband) he pretty much paid for most of the costs while I was there, I had shelled out a $1500 plane ticket to see him. We ate out a few times, but we also stayed in and cooked together (which is almost as cheap for 1 person as it is for 2) We just wanted to be together.
Seems like there is more going on then the financial aspect.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): send him home. run for the hills.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): If you don't want to send him packing, then tell him that you are not happy about having to finance his stay but there won't be a next time as it's not fair on you. Next time he has to come with funds. Of course his maintainence payments are important, but he could save for his trips to you. If not you have to decide if you like him enough to accept this situation. Why should you fund his month off?
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