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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend that I've been with about a year recently started talking about his fantasy of seeing me with another woman. I personally don't find the idea appealing, I can imagine having an emotional relationship with another woman but not a sexual one... but I'd humour him on it even though I made him well aware I wasn't really interested. Now he's starterd to talk about wanting to have a threesome with me and another guy... but not for my benefit... for his. The thought of him doing anything sexually with another man completely repulses me no matter how much I've tried to adjust to the idea. It's not that I'm against gays or bisexuals... I'm just not into dating them! I feel terrible because I want him to be able to confide things in me but I HATE hearing him talk about that fantasy. He'll often talk about it during sex and I get so incredibly turned off and repulsed that I end up completely detaching myself from whats going on and going through the motions for his sake. Am I horrible for feeling this way about something that he obviously wants? Do I go through with it even though I can't stand the idea of it? Is he trying to force the idea of me being with a girl just so he's justified in his fantasy???
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (19 June 2006):
 I think a lot of people would agree with you and not think this fantasy was anything to get excited about.
Some people want threesomes, some just fantasise about them and some actually do them. My view is each to their own - want to do it, as long as it doesn't hurt people, fine go ahead and do it.
Some girls have to put up with their boyfriends talking about it or fantasising about it every now and again which most girls put up with but it sounds like your fella is quite confused and quite adamanant about it as he is talking about it non stop.
It sounds like that it is not just an annoyance, it is really hurting your feelings and that is unacceptable. He is going too far.
I think that you need to talk to him because (a) it sounds like he is confused over his own sexuality (b) he is hurting your feelings (c) he is destroying the sexual relationship between the two of you.
I would tell him that you are not interested in his fantasy and you don't want to hear about it and if he is not happy with just you, perhaps he needs to move on.
Good luck sweetie.
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (18 June 2006):
 If you have no inclination to take your sex life this way don't do it. If you do you will regret it. Tell him his fantasies do not appeal to you and that you will never do it. Make sure he understands this. If his fantasies mean that much to him, and he still continues to persue them then you mustcome to a decision about the furture of your relationship.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (18 June 2006):
 You need to really think about your relationship. It doesn't sound like you are getting the fair end of the stick here. I'd be very straight forward about it with him. Tell him "You alone turn me on and if I'm not enough for you then don't let the back of door hit you on the way out". Then get busy finding a guy that strictly into you. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 June 2006):
You need to really think about your relationship. It doesn't sound like you are getting the fair end of the stick here. I'd be very straight forward about it with him. Tell him "You alone turn me on and if I'm not enough for you then don't let the back of door hit you on the way out". Then get busy finding a guy that strictly into you. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2006): Er, I think your boyfriend is Gay. If he talks about it non-stop...even when he's making love to you...then I think he is afraid to come out, and is making out it's 'just a fantasy'.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (18 June 2006):
 The trouble with threesomes is while it might start out as fun,people's feelings then start coming into it.One person could start to get jealous and insecure if it looks like the other two are getting closer...its very testing and i have known one couple who did have threesomes,in the end the woman fell in love with the other guy and left her husband to be with her lover.There is other ways to put the spark back into your love life...i would tell your boyfriend that you are not interested in having sex with other people and if he keeps going on about it then maybe its best that you look elsewhere because he is only thinking of himself and not considering your feelings.
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