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Loyalty to my friend is stopping me. I can't ask her out, because what kind of a friend would I be?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Crushes, Friends, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 January 2015) 2 Answers - (Newest, 20 January 2015)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I like this girl in my friend circle and I'm somewhat sure she likes me back.

The big problem is that one of my close friends fell for her pretty hard a while back, going as far as to say the whole "never felt this way about anyone like this before."

He's the type of guy who flirts with any girl he meets so the fact that he said this is pretty astounding to me.

When he confessed his feelings for her, she rejected him. It affected him pretty badly. As his friend, I'd do him a huge disservice if i went out with this girl and I find myself trying to believe that I don't have feelings for her.

I can't ask her out, because what kind of a friend would I be? But at the same time, i feel there's definitely something between me and the girl and i don't want to miss out on what could be something good for me.

So basically, I'm torn between my feelings and my close friend.

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A female reader, Sincerely Yours United States +, writes (20 January 2015):

Sincerely Yours agony auntIt's good to be loyal, a commendable quality. I think it's good you reached out for help.

I think you'd be best off approaching your friend first, and telling him you've liked her for ___ time. Ask him how he would feel and let him know you value his friendship more and will act accordingly to his response.

That's is if you do value his friendship more. You might also believe it will be worth it to lose the friendship. I've personally never seen this issue the same way as others. People aren't property, he has no relationship with her, let alone ownership. If there's a chance you could be happy with that girl for years to come, I think you should take the chance. I've had friends date my ex. My brother dated a girl for three years, then they broke up and she married his best friend. My brother does not mind. It didn't work out for them, so she found happiness with a better match. And that's always been my take. As your friend, you should talk to him and you might realize he cares about your happiness too. Enough to not forbid you from being with someone who could be a good match for you. It's up to you to weigh the consequences and decide what is worth it.

~Sy

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2015):

If I where you I would think about it first because what if you and your close friend fall out?what if she dumps you? Is it the right time?

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