A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been talking to this girl for 2 years online. Skype and FaceBook. I've honestly never found anyone who was as amazing as this. So, last month I went to visit her. Everything was perfect. We are very far apart. I only get 2-3 weeks of vacation a year and within a year or two I could be with her. However, after meeting this amazing woman everything has gone to shit. She imagined everything to be a fairytale. I spent 3 weeks with her and now she is lonely at night. She is talking to me less. She is really busy but I don't believe she is that busy. She says she wants to be with me and believes it will work but every time I talk to her she is miserable. She's miserable because she can't be with me. She says she is lonely at night. It's been 3 weeks since I was with her. We are happy when we were together. What do I do now? Let her go?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2013): LDRs suck b..s. But as another South American with an LDR try to communicate through programs such as team speak that are so easy. Also, be patient and she has to be patient as well. Make sure things are equivalent, have her visit you as well. If she does not have a visa you can help her out only by giving her an invitation letter saying you will host her at your house for a couple of weeks and then she will leave, this could help her on her tourist visa. Make sure she also puts her effort into this, and that she tries to come to you as well and at least tries to save or foot some of the bill. Under any circumstance DO NOT ask for a fiancee visa and marry her hastily because ahe pressures you. If she is pressuing you and cornering you into marriage. .your name might as well be green card.Feel the situation out, if ahe pressures you run the hell away. If she is patient and shows she loves you sincerely proceed accorsingly.GOod luck
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 June 2013):
 first you must figure out why she is backing off...
ask her if everything is ok
ask if you can start making plans for one of you to move to be with the other.... see how that goes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe lives in South America.
Now that she is guarding her heart.. How do I go about this?
Do I give her room to deal with her emotions?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe lives in Brazil. I moved in with my parents to save money and start a business. She's being very protective of her heart. I have strong feelings for her but I think I need to be with her to fully develop my feelings. I believe she is falling for me.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 June 2013):
With our LDR we were so lucky to only be 2 hours apart by car. But after spending time together it did get harder and harder to be apart... So going up to see him on Saturday and spending one night a month morphed into two trips a month that started on friday and ended on Sunday...
within a few months having lots of time available at work my visits went from Thursday nigh (or Friday morning) to Monday morning and driving 3 hours in rush to get to work...
if you two can be together in a year that's not a bad time frame and it's doable. She just has to hold on. Right now she can't see the end in sight. But you will have to plan more visits... instead of going for 3 weeks you go once a month for 3 days....
LDRS (even mine) are VERY expensive while you are LDR... I assume you two are far apart based on a first visit of 3 weeks... Both parties need to be fiscally responsible for the visits... so can you two plan weekends together...
figure out if it's cheaper for both of you to travel to a location and meet for a weekend or for one to go to the other.
I hated our LDR at the end. We had gotten to spending 3-4 nights together regularly,at one point we had 8 weeks together as I recuperated from some surgery and separating after that was one of the most painful things we did. It actually accelerated our moving in together and the realization that we wanted to be together forever (basically that's when we decided to get married)
I know exactly how she feels. We came up with a plan to help me... I called him every morning to wake him up we talked for maybe 1 minute but I felt connected to him. Then we would go about our day... some days we had contact, others we did not but I coped with this because I knew we would have 'bedtime tuck in phone call' I would get ready for bed and I would call him after I was in bed. Sometimes we talked for a mere 5 minutes and sometimes we talked for a couple of hours depending on if it was Monday night (and I had just seen him all weekend) or it was Thursday night (and we were missing each other)
Talk to her, set up a plan for contact... discuss having quarterly visits (or more if possible) set a date for the end of the distance and start the plan.... see how she reacts to those choices.... she may have fallen for you and is trying to not be attached to protect her heart.
ASK her "how can we be less lonely" because you miss her too and she has to know that.
get her a body pillow... spray it with your cologne... or better yet a big teddy bear that you put one of your tee shirts on for sleeping with when you are not together. We both had multiple pillows on our beds to help cope and to this day when i'm not in the bed my husband grabs my pillow and snuggles it.
have goals to end the distance and a plan it helps
also there is a website called "loving from a distance" I think.... it's a support forum totally devoted to LDRs and it may be of some comfort and support for both of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): I used to live in Scotland, my now husband would fly out of Chicago on a red eye flight Thursday night ( arrive in Edinburgh Friday morning), spend Friday - Monday with me and then fly out Monday late morning to get to Chicago Monday night. Now that's love and kept us together while we were long distance. Just an idea.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (29 June 2013):
Hi there. What seems to be the problem here, is the loneliness of being in a long distance relationship.
And especially for her.
You had a lovely time during that 3 weeks together, and then you had to fly home, as was expected.
And so now, she is realizing just how lonely an LDR can be.
And that didn't happen, until you flew home and she was by herself once more.
And then the reality of the whole situation, hot her like a ton of bricks.
And that reality check for her, was when she suddenly realized that it would always be like this, as you live so far from each other.
And so that makes it very difficult and expensive to travel to be together at all.
You haven't said where this lady lives.
Is it overseas - like Europe or somehwere over that way?
Or does she live in North America, like the USA, or Canada?
Because, depending on the distance, if she lived in the USA but a few states from you, which means several hours driving, or a few hours flight, well then that at least could be managed, by seeing eaqch other on a weekend and then flying back homel.
And you could manage that every couple of months or so, and take it in turns to do the travelling, so as to manage the expense of it.
But generally speaking though, it is a whole lot more expense if they are across an ocean away from you.
And time wise as well.
For instance if she lives in the UK or Europe somewhere, well then you coudn't do that journey in a weekend, it is just to impractical. And too expense as well.
And I have an idea it is something like that distance, because of you talking about only getting 2-3 weeks of vacation every year, which seems to indicate a greater distance from each other.
And so when the reality of the LDR situation hit your girlfriend, she may have decided that it isn't such a good idea being in an LDR after all, because of the loneliness that follows seeing each other.
The way it did after this visit of yours.
I really think that this is where she is at the moment.
And so maybe you could just give her some space, before you skype or chat online again.
And just see if she gets in touch with you again, and what she says when she does.
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