A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My beautiful lovely wife and I have been happily married for 3 years now and have 9 month old baby son. Everything is good accept for one thing. A few years ago she did a really stupid thing, she slept with her older sister's fiancé and ran off with him but later on he ended up abandoning her for another woman. Since then my wife's older sister won't talk to her or see her, the past few years my wife keeps trying to talk to her and to apologize for what she did and ask for forgiveness but her older sister still won't talk to her or see her. My wife knows she did a horrible thing and truly regrets what she did and she misses her older sister, and wants to be sisters again. My wife is a great mother and a caring person. Is there anything I can do like talk to her older sister myself? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): You need to stay out of this. This is between your wife and her sister only. Your wife did such a horrible thing to her sister, I think it would be very understandable if her sister never forgave her. Not everything should be forgiven, and I would even go so far as to say that the sister should not forgive your wife for this. As such, it would be inappropriate and unethical for you to talk to the sister to try and convince her to forgive your wife. Who are YOU to judge that the sister should forgive her betrayer? Your wife stabbed her sister in the back. What right do YOU have tell the sister that she should forgive this?? If I were her, I would slam the door in your face.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): I would keep well out of this . If you interfere it is likely to horribly backfire. As other posters have said it is solely between your wife and her sister. I would not be able to forgive if I was the sister and in reality the ball is in her court.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): OP, keep out of it. It's between your wife and her sister. In her sister's shoes, there's no way on earth I would forgive her, no matter what. A "caring person" wouldn't cross the line your wife did.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): This one isnt in your control, and as much as people make mistakes...this is a pretty big one....maybe she would still be with him if he hadnt dumped her....your wife's sister obviously didnt get the wedding or marriage she dreamt of either.....an awful situation....i think its between them...when your wife's sister is ready to forgive then thats the time its over...till then leave it be
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. Its up to her older sister if she wants to have a relationship with your wife. All you can do is continue to support your wife.
Put yourself in your sister in law shoes. How would you feel if your brother slept with your wife and they decided to run away together? Then after he got dumped he comes and and begs your pardon. I mean really think about that. Out of all the people in world your flesh and blood does the unthinkable. I can certainly understand the hurt that your sister in law is feeling. This is not something she can just get over. The fact that your wife keeps badgering her and begging for forgiveness is exactly what the two of you are asking her to do. I know that its not your intentions, but that's what it looks like to her.
As far as your involvement, don't get in the middle of it. Your sister in law may end up hating you. Stay neutral on this. Let your wife and her sister handle this situation. The two of you may have to face the fact that he may never talk to your wife again. Understand that your sister in law have that right not to forgive and forget. Continue to support your wife through this transition in her life. Good luck to you and your family.
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