A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, thank you for taking the time to read my question. I have been dating this guy for about 1.5 months and we started out really fast. I'm kind of scared because I feel like we're going too fast and even though he says he'll wait until I'm ready, he still tries to touch me... Last night, we "dry humped" for the first time, wearing full on clothes, and I'm just wondering if 1.5 months is too soon? I know there isn't an exact timeline for when things are supposed to occur, but if there was, what would be the normal timeline for intimate engagements? I'm 19 and inexperienced/ignorant. I don't know when what's right/wrong for us to be doing and I'm confused about myself because I don't understand why I can't say "no". I'm really just scared and I don't understand why I'm scared either. Thank you again. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your responses. I'll consider everything and try to decide if things are going at the pace I want it to. Thanks again. :D
A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Six weeks between beginning dating and a first fully clothed dry humping is fine... if anything it's slow by the standards I've seen for high school and college aged couples. As with anything sexual though, what matters is that YOU are comfortable. He wants to touch you because he's a human male. A guy in the presence of the girl he's dating and attracted to will want to touch her. It's a compliment (if you believe it). As long as you're comfortable with what you two do and don't let him pressure you into moving faster than you enjoy, you're fine.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (11 July 2010):
 You're scared because you're not ready. You're perfectly capable of saying no, but won't because you lack the willpower to do so. Don't ever let your boyfriend pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable with, because once you do, he's going to want even more. If you don't stand up for yourself you'll end up letting it go too far before you're ready, and that's going to bring up even more issues. Address it now while it's still early.
This may be harsh, but I don't think you should be in a relationship at all right now. Inexperienced and ignorant aren't the same thing, and quite honestly it's obvious the latter is your problem. In order to have a healthy relationship you need to know what your boundaries are, and you need to have the strength to say 'no' when something doesn't feel right.
Also, your boyfriend doesn't sound like much of a boyfriend to me. He says one thing to reassure you, then does the opposite and tries to pressure you into giving in anyway. Sex is clearly more important to him than your comfort. Is that really the kind of person you want to be with?
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (10 July 2010):
 I beleive that there is no time line in a relationship, those who try to follow one tend to encounter many more problems. Its all based on how you feel. If you feel its moving to fast then it is. When it feels right then it is even if you two have not been together for very long. If you can't say no then you really have to trust your guy or find someone that you can trust to do things at your pace. Remember feelings don't run on a time line but they are the most important thing to follow with new experiences.
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