A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have really liked this girl since she started a year ago but problem is she has a boyfriend of 5 years! Everyone knows that she is not happy and recently at a work function we somehow got together, this was great and she said that she felt the same way about me too. However I think she is scared to leave her boyfriend because they live together and she is just comfortable - please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): I was in this situation and I still say tell her. I was waiting for the guy I liked to tell me he liked me and wanted me to leave my boyfriend but he wouldn't.
A
female
reader, Jmo  +, writes (31 March 2008):
 Coming from someone who is in a similar situation to hers, I'm sorry to say that the chances of her leaving him anytime soon are slim to none. Even if she loves you to death and you would be perfect together, the fact that she's living with him makes the situation complicated for her and the stakes are a lot higher than another failed relationship. She'll need a place to live. She'll need to feel confident in her decision. She'll have to put 5 years of being in a committed relationship to this guy behind her. To her, leaving this guy will feel more like a divorce than a breakup. Don't ask her to leave him. Hopefully she'll eventually do that on her own. In the meantime, you'll have to decide whether or not you want to continue "getting together" with her, knowing she won't leave her boy, or leave her alone.
-Jmo
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): If you tell her that you want her to leave him so that you can be together maybe it will light a fire under her to leave. perhaps she thinks that you may not really like her a lot and therefore is afraid to leave him for nothing.
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