A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My wife threw a glass at my head during a petty argument. I’ve never known her to have a violent streak in her before. Should I be worried?On Saturday I was stripping the kitchen ceiling ready for it to be redecorated in a few weeks and when my wife came in she was angry that I hadn’t covered up the kitchen tops before starting. They were covered in mess but I said I didn’t mind cleaning it all up afterwards. Despite this we still had an argument over it and she ended up grabbing a glass and throwing it at me. Luckily I was able to duck and it hit the wall behind me. She was really dismissive at first and said she only did it because I was ‘winding her up’. She even made me clean up all the broken glass. However a few hours later she completely changed and was so apologetic about it. Yesterday she spent the day wracked with guilt over it. I’ve told her it's fine and we’ve put it to bed but now I can’t help but worry about how aggressive she got over something so trivial. Could this be a sign of worse things to come or could it be classed as a genuine ‘one-off mistake?’ We have two young kids so it's not something I want to just brush under the carpet.
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (11 January 2020):
What do you mean she made you clean up the broken glass? This woman tried to seriously assault you and you cleaned up her mess? Now that she knows what she can get away with except more to come when she “has a bad day.”
As you have scrambled your finances and your DNA you’re pretty much stuck. The one thing you can do is tell your friends what happened so when it happens the next time and their will be you’ll have a record of it.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (7 January 2020):
 I wonder if you usually wind her up? However, you should be worried that she threw a glass at you.
Get marriage counselling, so that you can work out what triggered her and whether it's likely to happen again. If it does happen again, it's an abusive pattern. However, you winding her up is not okay either - that's half of the reason counselling is needed, just like her aggression is half of the reason.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 January 2020):
 Sorry, OP, I realize this is a serious issue... but I could not help chuckling a little. Oh so you start stripping a ceiling without putting any protection over the kitchen tops and furniture below ( gosh, who does that ?! ) ... but it's OK because you are going to clean everything up when you are done ? well, isn't it more or less like taking a shower with all your clothes on.... because anyway, once you have finished ,you can always put them all to dry in the dryer ? :)...
So, in a way, I can see how this level of haplessness could make a wife's blood boil , particularly, if this is not your first " offence " , yet- basically, you are right, this is something to worry about.
Dealing with people ( partners, children, coworkers, perfect strangers .. ) is often a source of aggravation , some times of huge, massive aggravation, - one can see how the first, primal impulse of the annoyed, harassed person would be to beat, to punch, to stab, to KILL.... but, luckily, most of the people most of the times have got filters, have got brakes on, which compel them to keep their anger and frustration within the limits of what is socially acceptable. ( At least in terms of causing possible physical damage ; words, it's another story. Covering people with " F ..k you " is not nice but won't send them to the hospital ). And that's also the only reason why most children survive their childhood unscathed !- because their parents remember that , no matter what's the provocation, there are lines that they can't ever,ever cross. They know they can't, say, choke their kid with their bare hands- even if said kid did his absolute best to deserve such a tragic fate.
Your wife lost temporarily her head, and crossed a line that she should never have crossed, and this is something to worry about.
" Worry " not like in " I am going to sleep in the guest room and keep my door locked, otherwise my psicho wife is going to kill me in my sleep ". But " worry " in " we have a problem, and we need to talk about and see what we can do about it ".
Maybe your wife is stressed and overworked to the point of being driven to distraction ?Is she clinically depressed or physically unwell ? Could she benefit from a medical check up, or from seeing a psycologist or a psychiatrist ? Could you go to couple therapy and learn to communicate better ?..
Beside this petty, but violent, argument, are there other aspects of your marriage that are not functioning and which you could work on together ?...
I am sure that, if you think about it, you two can work out something °together ° to make sure that this stays one isolated unpleasant episode, and that things won't ever escalate and get out of control again.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (7 January 2020):
 In no way am I endorsing her behaviour. HOWEVER, I have to ask, do you regularly "wind her up"? Do you regularly dismiss her concerns as unimportant? To YOU it may have been something minor but, to her (we assume the primary care giver to the children and possibly stay-at-home mum), your mess may have been the final straw. Does she spend her life cleaning up after the children AND you?
The one bit of your post which sticks out for me (and rings alarm bells) is "She even made me clean up all the broken glass". What do you mean by that?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 January 2020):
 yes, I think it IS serious.
There could have been some serious consequences to this. It could have hit your head, you could have lost an eye, etc. PLENTY of bad things COULD have happened.
Winding her up or not... it's NOT an excuse to do what she did. This CAN escalate.
And yes, I absolutely agree with your wife that it is STUPID to not cover the counters and thus make EXTRA mess, when you SIMPLY could have covered the counters. It doesn't take an Einstein to know that.
BUT it doesn't excuse her actions.
Maybe she needs to consider having a medical check up if this is new in her behavior. I think she actually scared herself too and that is why she so profusely apologized. Could definitely be hormones out of whack.
I would not just sweep under the rug. This can't happen again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2020): It could have been hormonal, or the last-straw during a really bad streak of bad-luck after a lousy day.
Having gone through the stress of renovations and home-improvements myself; I know it makes you crazy. I didn't throw anything, or hit anybody; but I lost my cool a few times with the contractors! Sorry you were on the receiving end my friend! Wow!
I bet you'll use a drop-cloth from now on!
Store it away, but try to forgive her. It's a first-offense, and not a pattern of behavior. It's a shock seeing your kitchen torn apart!
Good luck with the home-improvements! You might need to wear a hardhat! Never know when projectiles or debri might come flying at you! Protect your skull!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2020): It's sounds like your wife could have a personality disorder. It's not acceptable to throw a glass jar or anything for that matter at your husband or wife and if it was the other way around we would call it domestic abuse, which is exactly what this is. You could have been seriously hurt and there could have been a lot of blood on the floor. I know, I would rather have to just clean the paint off the floor!This is also a form of control because it keeps you guessing what mood she is in and tip toeing around her, everything will revolve around her mood, her happiness. When she gets violent let her know it's not acceptable or normal. You may need therapy yourself having to live with this. People need to understand this is not just a wife throwing a tantrum, it escalates and for people living with somebody of this behaviour it destroys your self esteem.I hope she agrees that she needs help and that you both can work though it together.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (6 January 2020):
 Yes, that is something you should worry about. 40 years ag my mother threw a fork and ended up driving my dad to the emergency room to have it treated. 30 years ago my fiance slapped my back and bruised me. If Either of those things had happened this year There would have been mandatory separation, nad mandatory counseling. If my father or I had been the aggressor, there would have been criminal charges.
So yes this is serious. This is the reason it is serious. You are more likely to be killed by your spouse than any other person.
You are both taking this very well. I would seriously consider some counseling at this point.
I'd also side with your wife on putting down a drop cloth before demo. But not with throwing glass.
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