A
male
age
36-40,
*aijuSlayer88
writes:Women it seems, are generally valued for their youth more than men are, despite me being a guy, as in human male, there are times I am jealous, envious of how women are valued for their youth more than men are.The reason why is because i'm a guy in his late 20's who has not had any success in dating and relationships, sex.The long and short of it, is that i'm still single, never had a girlfriend and still a virgin, now, i'm NOT blaming women at all for my short-comings, it's more envy of them, because women don't have to be the initiators in dating and relationships. The onus is NOT placed on them to make the first move, do the asking out, approaching, pursuing, etc.The reason why I mention about me being jealous of them on how they are valued for their youth, is because I have seen and heard about debates many times over the years, on how they say that womens peak attractiveness years start earlier than mens do in the world of dating and relationships.They argue and say that womens dating/mating market value declines with age because men are naturally, instinctively, innately attracted to young youthful women because youth indicates fertility, meanwhile that is not so much the case for men because mens biological clock is not on par with womens.Anyway, here is the long post of my rant: "When women are young, in their late teens and throughout their 20's, some extent early 30's, which are womens peak fertile child-bearing years, women have loads and tons of options for dating, have men hitting on them, approaching them, asking them out left and right, front and behind, it means that it is an almost for certain guarantee that women will not miss out on their youth. Yes I know that when you are on the receiving end, it means you are not literally going after what you want, you are only limited to the ones that approach you, but since women have so many options when they are young, a handful of those options are definetley bound to be guys in which there is mutual attraction involved, since most women, have had their share of ex-boyfriends by their mid-20's to early 30's, and why did they end up being in relationships with their exes in the first place? because there was mutual attraction duh! If a man wants to prevent himself from missing out on his youth, he better be hardcore assertive and go out a lot, be putting himself out there often and consistently, have good social skills and conversation-skills, good confidence and self-esteem, a big social circle, which he will need for the rest of his life.Unfortuneately some guys develop those traits later on in life, meanwhile those traits are not nearly as important for women to have since being socially awkward, socially-inept, introverted does not screw a womans chances of getting a date, a relationship as it does a man since women don't have to be the initiators. Yes I know that if you only do the accepting of offers(which is womens role), then you are limited in your choices. If you make the offers you can select who gets them(which is mens role), thus controlling that end of it, but women have the final say, they just have to welcome or deny advances, that doesn't require much social effort, social intelligence. I know i shouldn't be comparing or talking about the advantages that girls have because i'm a guy, but still, i feel i wasted most of my youth which i will sadly never get back. This is an area of life in which I am jealous, envious of women because they are far less prone than men are to missing out on dating, relationships sex in their teens and 20's, because whenever you hear of people being a virgin still, never having a relationship with the opposite sex in their late 20's and older, 30+ years of age, you generally hear more male late bloomers than female late bloomers, or maybe men are just more vocal about it than women are. I don't know, but it does seem there are more male late bloomers than female late bloomers, which is something i'm bitter, jealous, envious of women about since their youth almost for certain guarantees they won't miss out on dating, relationships, sex in their teens and 20's. Many Dating Coaches/Guru's say they know of many guys in their 30's who have never had a first date, can the same be said for women? unlikely since they don't have to be the initiators. The way I see it, for guys, men, it's literally a matter of knowing how to get a date or relationship, sex, for women it's not a matter of knowing how, because approaching, making the first move, starting conversation, leading the interaction, initiating/escalating, taking the lead, etc., is a matter of knowing how, meanwhile being passive, doing nothing, being a wallflower, waiting, being a follower does not require knowing how, it's not a matter of knowing how, it's not something that takes practice or hardly any practice at all.
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male
reader, KaijuSlayer88 +, writes (15 May 2015):
KaijuSlayer88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionya well the fact that most guys have their first girlfriend, lose their virginity in their teens or early 20's, meanwhile I didn't, means something went wrong for me, was not raised or socially conditioned right.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2015): What it comes down to is wanting or needing something bad enough that we do what we must to make it so.
Teenagers and young folk have no idea what to do to make love and romance happen; they manage to find the courage and they try. There is no such thing as being too old to learn. Who ever came up with the adage "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" was speaking for themselves. Not humanity, or dogs! They had no vision, and they were restricted by their own pessimism. Good thing they're long dead and gone, to leave such a crappy saying behind for people to believe and use as an excuse. You're still in your twenties, and using such a tired excuse. If I myself hadn't been where you are, I wouldn't even have contributed to this thread. Yeah, I was scared of failure in initiating contact with someone to attempt a romantic-connection. Both genders in fact. You think you've got it bad?
Nobody is born with knowledge. We are born with instincts, and those instincts force us to learn. When we make an attempt at something; we learn through trial and error. We make mistakes; and we tweak and correct our strategies until we develop a method that works. We must develop tools of survival in order to function when conditions are not in our favor. Maturity is a culmination of learning through trial and error, my young friend. Then having the ability to be resilient following a failed or sloppy attempt.
If we're smart, we listen to those who have already tried; and we use their methods until we can create or perfect our own. We are given individuality and a personality in order to be unique; and to each offer something different to humanity. Even if it is odd or awkward, it has some quality that is beneficial; perhaps to but only one person who understands you. That person is the one who was meant for you. There is someone out there that gets you. There are actually several people over a lifetime.
IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW, THEN LEARN. EVEN IF IT'S HARD, YOU STILL TRY!!! If you fail, you've got a lifetime to keep practicing at it. If a relationship doesn't happen or fails, that only means that wasn't the person for you; or they were sent to you for practice until you learn how to get it right. It's the school of life. The lessons are hard.
All this non-sense about jealousy of younger women and such. You're very articulate and good at making excuses for yourself. Use that mental-dexterity and creativity to develop a plan to initiate an approach to women, young man.
Just like you continue to come up with ways to get us to respond to you. One excuse after another. What's the difference? Envy of what?!! Seriously?!!
Even a baby has the courage to stand-up and learn to walk, even after falling and hurting their little butts or bumping their little heads. They keep trying until they figure it out. In the meantime they crawl and watch everybody else, until they can get on their own two feet and do it for themselves. They don't even rely on anyone taking their hands. They will pull themselves up and try without help. When nobody's looking! Stop making excuses for yourself. We've given you advice. Now go try.
"yes, I will admit, as a guy, I often am bitter and resentful, hate, despise, loathe on how I was dealt with the card of having to be the initiator."
Not much truth in that. You like so many men these days, ignore/avoid the women who are the initiators; because you don't think they're pretty enough, you're intimidated by their assertiveness; or you're just too damned scared of women (vaginas) and won't admit it. Well, you can give-up on women; and perhaps you will feel more comfortable dating men. This is the truth I found out about myself. It may not be your truth, but never say never.
Sometimes you just have to be the initiator, that isn't always the case like you're repeatedly trying to use as your rationalization for your fear (call it envy if you will) of women. It's not really envy at all. You're too proud for rejection, and too afraid of your possible success. You're not sure of what to do, if you did initiate and succeed. If you would really be honest to yourself and the rest of us. It's all a learning process, and you turn that envy/resentment/loathing/fear into courage.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 May 2015):
 In other words, you are just lazy- you'll only do what's easy and comfy.
Anything that you never tried, and that you don't have an inborn talent for, is hard and awkward at the beginning. That's part of the process of learning.
If you want to learn to dance / play tennis / speak a foreign language etc. etc. etc.- yes the first times you'll feel , and look, like a laughable fool.
Your first day at elementary school probably felt scary ; your first day at a new job you will have your stomach tied in a knot.
The problem is that if you want to go through life always avoiding anything that challenges you ,or pulls you out of your comfort zone,-you'll never learn or do anything new .( Supposing that you CAN succeed in avoiding all that feels challenging ).
Then again, everything is a matter of choice, and if you CHOOSE not to make an effort and stretch your limits, well, that's your decision and so be it. If you notice, though, in my last post, I was not even tryng to give you a pep talk and motivate you to action, I was just stating the obvious. I.e., that if you are not going to make changes in your attitude, and want to try your luck and see if you meet a female initiator- ( which is not impossible ), well, you have at least to put yourself out there, circulate , join clubs or classes or something. They won't knock you at your door.
So, if your choice is to stay home doing useless " searches " on Internet, and feeling sorry for yourself- at least be aware that it is pointless , and that kvetching and lamenting won't lead you anywhere. I am saying this not to curb your posts on DC- write us as much as you want; but I doubt that anybody can ever be of any help to you if you do not help yourself first , at least a tiny little bit.
Said that, I have got the feeling that the problem with approaching girls is just the tip of the iceberg, and that you should take things from one step further . One walks before he runs, and goes to highschool before attending college.
So, in case your social skills are sub-par, and you have trouble connecting with people in general, and / or you suffer from social phobia / a crippling shyness / agoraphobia / Body Dysmorphic Disorder ..... anything making your interaction with PEOPLE ( in general )difficult, put aside for a while the initiating / virginity issue , in fact totally forget it for the time being, and start instead working on the main issue, on the basics. After which, at some point it will all fall into place sort of naturally.
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A
male
reader, KaijuSlayer88 +, writes (9 May 2015):
KaijuSlayer88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhen you say I can't be the initiator as in I really just can't do it, well I suck at doing it and don't really know how, I feel ashamed, embarrassed still being clumsy at it being my age when it seems most guys by their late teens and early 20's are highly-skilled with that already, I feel too damn behind, and plus I view it as a chore, as a burden.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (5 May 2015):
OP, do you know what's the REAL long and short of it ?
That , if you had spent one quarter of the time you are spending researching "first time " issues on this and other on line forums... by joining instead some salsa dance class, or Meetup group or hiking club or.. fill the blank.... by now, you probably would not have a first time issue to worry about.
You do not want to be the initiator ? You just CAN'T be the initiator ? Fine, but you have at least to circulate and to put yourself out there, where ,with a bit of luck, some young... initiatrix ? ( sounds like dominatrix, but I just mean a girl who does not mind to take the first step ) can find you. They won't come to ring your doorbell while you are "researching " and moaning about male misfortunes.
At the very very very least, if you can't find your sexual "talent scout " to notice you and discover you- you'd get used to be around women, to talk to women, to make friends with women- yeah I know you do not want new friends, you want a sex partner- but the key to find one is to stop seeing them as these mysterious hostile malicious capricious intimidating beings. Girls are ... just people , OP. Just like you. Some are as shy and as discouraged and as lonely and as scared as you or more !
So why , rather than being " jealous " of them, you do not just cut to the chase and go join them somewhere ?
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A
male
reader, KaijuSlayer88 +, writes (5 May 2015):
KaijuSlayer88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbasically, the long and short of it, based on from browsing this site, and many other forums, it's not uncommon at all for me to hear of guys, men who are in their mid to late 20's, some even 30's and older who are still a virgin, never had a relationship, meanwhile, you don't hear so much about women being 25+ years of age and still being a virgin, never having a boyfriend before, maybe that's because of the factor men dating younger women, which obviously means women dating older men, and womens peak attractiveness years starting earlier than mens.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (22 April 2015):
I don't know about "sleeping around " as in : becoming a certified player or Don Juan. That may take some doing , I guess, or a natural vocation.
For the rest , i. e. for young males wanting to have ther first sexual experience (s ) , that's just no more and no less difficult than for a young woman to hold on to her virginity ,if she chooses to do. I.E., it will take a bit of an efort if she is often pressured to give it up- but she can do it. Same as it will take a bit of an effort for a young man if he is afraid of rejection, etc.- but he can do it.
It's not exactly the Olympics- it's a sport for regular people.
I am writing this not to make the OP or other males feel bad about themselves, when they already beat themselves up so unnecessarily for being " late " compared to the average. Just to point out that in most similar cases , if they have extra hard time in reaching the objective of having a sexual experience, the cause is neither biological nor cultural , and the difficulty is not sexual per se ,- but psychological ,and often spilling over many other areas of the person life. Like a crippling social anxiety, or body dismorphic disorder, etc. Take care of the psychological block first, and the rest will come by itself , with just a little time and patience.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2015): I think Honeypie's first answer down at the bottom lays out the whole issue, although it was not intentional. She said: "Let's not forget a Woman's VALUE has been tied in with her virginity - men? with their virility."She says this as if it's an example of men having things easier. But that is the heart of the entire misunderstanding right there. For women, virginity is something they must work to hold onto. But for men, sleeping around more IS the difficult part! This is not an example of men having it easier. It's an example of men having it just as difficult in an opposite way. Its also an example of women believing men have it easier because they don't understand how the male experience is so different from theirs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2015): Cindy makes a hugely importbat point . Nature is not fair! And mostly it's not fair to women !
The things we go through to bring life into the world would blow your mind !
And that's even when we and our partners want a child. Imagine all
Those women throughout history who have been without contraception or worse still , raped and impregnanted!
We forever carry the physical and emotional scars and nearly always are the ones to care for the child
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (21 April 2015):
Life is not fair , OP.
So,you believe that it is your biological imperative being the initiator . Which is not true, btw. There are women, including yours truly, who will not mind taking the initiative, and I assure you that I may belong to a minority, but I am certainly not a rarity . Anyway, let's suppose that the weight of initiating MUST rest on male shoulders .
It could be worse , OP.
I have always been kind of jealous of how damn easy for a younger ( or older ! ) man is to have a baby. If he wants one, all he's got to do is to get a consentient woman and get her pregnant, through a short, painless, FUN procedure. If I, female, want a baby, I join in the initial phase.... but then I have to carry the babay inside me for 9 months with a potentially endless catalogue of side effects ( weight gain, nausea, heartbirn, hemorroids, stretch marks, insomnia, mood swings, joint aches etc.etc. ) and eventually push it out of my body through an excruciatingly painful, at times veeeery long, process, or having it extracted from my body through a major surgical operation which , let's not forget it, like any major surgery STILL nowadays carries a death risk even when performed by the best surgeon in the best hospital, and which will leave a long, permanent scar on my abdomen.
I would switch with you any time, OP. ( you give birth and I initiate ) but I can't, and I really, really CAN'T, it's not just all in my mind.
Think about it, next time you feel jealous .
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 April 2015):
 You've posted a lot on here about how you hate that men are expected to be the initiators.
Here's the thing.
Women initiate as well.
I am the one who asked my now-husband on a date. I had to face my discomfort, pick up the phone and call him and ask him out. Then when he hadn't given me an answer after a week (it was a complicated date which involved travel and checking work schedules) I had to pick up the phone and call him again.
He said 'yes' and then we wound up dating.
My point is that if you find someone you want to ask you, you ask them out, whether you are male or female.
You seem stuck on this "men are supposed to initiate and I HATE it" rut. Yeah, well, life sucks. It's unfair and crappy.
I'm in my 50s now. It would be nice to say that I'm younger, but the fact of the matter is that I am not in my 20s or 30s or even 40s. I am still me, despite my age....
So what are you doing to get yourself over the 'poor me, I'm a male and expected to do x y and z and it's not fair' tantrum? It pretty much sounds like, well, nothing except going over and over again over the unfairness of it all.
Your attitude and thinking are keeping you from experiencing what you say you want to experience, a relationship and sex with a woman.
You will not die if you ask a woman out and she says 'no.'
I've asked other men out, obviously prior to asking my now-husband out. I've been turned down. It doesn't feel good. But it is certainly not the end of the world.
You sound like you have a huge chip on your shoulder, combined with a major case of social anxiety.
So deal with those issues. You say you want to have a relationship with a woman. The ONLY one keeping you from initiating that is YOU.
Welcome to this crappy unfair world. Which is also amazing and a gift. You've decided it's unfair and so that will be the world you live in....
You never mention male friends in your posts. What's going on with that side of your life?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2015): I have seen a lot of posts on here from men complaining that woman get 'hit on all the time and it's so easy for them to date'. But that is just simply untrue from my experience!
Whenever I have wanted a man I've had to go out of my way to get 'one'.
No one has ever come up to me, I have certainly not had men queuing up to date me/hit on me and yes I am young, female and don't have a third eye or anything!
I know plenty of women who have never had a boyfriend, because they were 'wallflowers' as you have put it.
I don't believe it has anything to do with gender, only confidence. Also willingness to except the inevitability that approaching people will include rejection. Probably more often than not!
I have found a lot of men to be extremely shallow and judgemental about women, as well as the obvious 'only interested in your vagina'. Both very off putting traits.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 April 2015):
 You write:
*yes, I will admit, as a guy, I often am bitter and resentful, hate, despise, loathe on how I was dealt with the card of having to be the initiator.*
Because it's EASIER to be bitter than getting out there and trying.
It's EASIER to blame women for your single status, rather than own the FACT that your unwillingness to BE an initiator is what is keeping you single.
READ WiseOwlE's answer if you are READY to deal with reality and not just your personal LIMITED rationalization of what dating, courting and relationships are all about.
You said in earlier post that women wasn't interested in male virgins and you resented US for that. But it's BULL CRAP. Being a virgin means SEXUALLY inexperienced NOTHING more. It's not a "Scarlet Letter". Now you are hating on women because in today's MOSTLY PATRIARCHAL society, MEN are the initiators - like WOMEN made up that rule and are enforcing it. It's ridiculous. And it's the REASON you are still single. YOUR HATE or FEAR of the vagina and women SHINES through and I can tell you - women find that scary and off putting.
YOU need to work on your mindset. All these notions you have need to go out the window with the bitterness and resentment.
Now, I'll stop my feminist tirade because I think it's a waste of my time. And I don't feel like you are LEARNING anything from your Q&A's on DC.
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A
male
reader, KaijuSlayer88 +, writes (20 April 2015):
KaijuSlayer88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes, I will admit, as a guy, I often am bitter and resentful, hate, despise, loathe on how I was dealt with the card of having to be the initiator.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (20 April 2015):
Men and women all have to find their own confidence in social interactions, whether for relationships or friendships. Learning how to project your best self and be relaxed in your own skin applies to men and women. It's not easy for anyone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2015): My observation is that people (regardless of gender) fear rejection like the black plague. They never take any chances; because they find being turned down by another individual insulting, and they take it so personally that it is emotionally-crippling. An ego-crusher. You have to develop charm and swagger; and most of all, a personality. These are your tools of attraction.
Virginity is a choice. You can keep it, or give it away. Taking someone's virginity is a favorite past-time. Women do it, men do it. You can pay someone to take it.
Everyone has this false notion that looks make it easy. You think young women have it easier, claiming they don't have to initiate anything. They're just brainless recipients of male advances. What planet did you just come from, my friend?
Trial puppy-love connections and dating starts in your early teens. Kids experiment and develop their own technique of meeting someone they like, and creating a G-rated romantic-connection. It's R-rated by the time they're over puberty, and X-rated sooner than their parents can deal with it. Those brave and determined enough, learn from their mistakes or failures. They don't give-up in easy defeat. It's a fact of nature, only the strong survive. Only the strongest of the species get to procreate.
There is a large percentage of awkward adults who never take risks. Hiding behind computer screens, or running in terror from every little snicker or tease that came their way during their adolescence. It takes guts to take risks, no matter what age or gender you are. GUTS!!! You suppress your fear of rejection and failure. If you don't succeed the first few attempts, you just keep trying. Nothing is accomplished through self-defeat and avoidance.
Most of the women who come on DC that claim they never dated and guys pay them no attention, are looking for a "certain guy" to do it. The guy who they crush on, and hardly knows she exists. If HE doesn't notice them; then they claim no guy wants them. They hate themselves, and project their self-hatred onto males, and prettier females.
Meanwhile; there were/are probably dozens of guys trying to get their attention. All they get for trying, is eye-rolling, or totally ignored. If they can't have the hot popular guy; then they hate themselves, and have total disdain for pretty girls. They conclude they will die ugly virgins and never kissed. What about average and plain-looking guys like they are? Not good enough? No, they'd rather die an un-kissed virgin; before they choose someone as plain as they are.
People are losing the ability to interact face-to-face with other people; because too many folks are so reliant on digital devices. If they can't hide themselves, they don't know what to do or say when they meet people in-person. Their personality is trapped inside their smart-phones!
They go online, find a possible match; but become terrified once the opportunity to meet arrives. You make a very compelling argument, but it doesn't make much sense to be envious of women. They have a totally different biology; but nature evens the score for finding a mate. We're more on equal-footing than you realize. If that wasn't the case, mankind would have become extinct ions ago. The presumption one gender has it easier than the other, has no basis in fact. It's strictly your own way to console your fears; and excuse yourself for not trying harder.
I find that people nowadays have developed such a super sense of entitlement; that they feel they should be able to walk-up to any stranger they find attractive, and that individual should be overwhelmed with gratitude they were given the time of day. The victim should be politically correct; and be nice by accepting their advances. Well, sometimes people don't share any attraction back at you; and have the right to turn-away unwanted advances from people they ARE NOT attracted to. Sometimes, they have second thoughts, and that person ends up being their future spouse. That's why you have to take a chance, and quickly go-away if it doesn't go as planned.
Then comes the argument or accusation that they are shallow, mean, and snobbish; because they must think they're too hot for you. It may be true, but why take that so personally? You may not even know them!!! You'll get to turn down a few people when your turn comes. How should they feel? If you're desperate, how choosey can you be anyway? You're only "settling" when you lower your standards to criminals, bad character, and unsavory types. Not plainer/average-looking people.
Reality-check, if you are only attracted to people out of your league; you increase your chances of being rejected.
Women think men are horrible and shallow, always wanting only to speak to the pretty girls. Attractive people get more attention because they are...attractive. Average and less-attractive people will have to practice their charms on average and less-attractive people to increase their success at finding a match. The irony is, average and less-
attractive people reject other average and less than attractive people. Go figure!
You have to realize; young women have to put up with unwanted advances from men, regardless of the age and looks of those guys. Double-standards restrict them from being as forward as a guy; and brandish them as sluts or whores just for being extra flirty or assertive. They don't enjoy repelling aggressive advances and relentless flirtations from scumbags and trolls. Or, good-looking tools who think they're god's gift. That is hardly anything I would envy. They do have to be receptive, if they want decent men to approach them. The difficulty is weeding through players and serial-killers. Handsome-faces with the devil inside. Yet they still have to give off a good vibe to attract men. If you think that's easy, for them; you don't know a thing about women. You need to pretend to be a gay guy and hangout with a group of women, and watch. You'll lose your envy in one night!
Envying women according to contrived notions about women is your rationalization of your fear of rejection. You, like many other virgin males over 25, have fear of vaginas. The time you could have used developing your interactive-skills was used hiding your awkwardness, and allowing shyness to arrest your psychological/sexual-development. If a 13 year-old can get a girlfriend or find sex, even while under-aged; a grown-man should be more equipped to do so. Not make up excuses and more unsubstantiated claims against women.
It's not weird that you're jealous of younger women. I know women have crazy notions about men.
I think you have a false-perception for your lack of understanding of women, and inexperience in romance. They do have a lot of power; but some don't know how to use it, and they might present the same argument against men.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (20 April 2015):
You are mostly speaking about initiation of dating, and not actually dating. This is something easy to overcome with the right mindset.
Yes for men there is a lot of knowledge involved to secure a partner but the same goes for a woman as she has to filter the liars from the predators. Obviously it does not require her to know how to initiate dating because, well what would be the point of that? You might think you understand women but you actually don't because you over generalize and you don't actually see just how many women are unsuccessful in finding the right partner and many more don't have one.
Men are late bloomers because they need more time to show that they are worthy. Men in their 20s are still less mature than girls and many are not on the same page as women. Men in the late 20s and early 30s have a stable job, the right mind set and are ready for a committed relationship.
Although dating will never change in the next 1000 years, there are differences in countries and cultures on what is attractive or not. There is a place for everyone in this world if you want a partner.
Reality is that women are not going to date you for having a bitterness towards the other race because people can sense it. You might think you've found a great answer or revelation but all it does is push you further from being happy and finding happiness.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2015): Why would you be jealous of young women when time makes sure we are crushed down well below any man EVER will be . After we hit thirty or so or have children ( whichever is first ) we are considered worthless. Our value in men's eyes is well well below what yours has or ever will be SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU ARE A MALEYou begrudge SOME women having what you see as a few years of choice when inevitably she will be emotionally discarded by the very men who claimed to love her because she is no longer considered beautiful Sure , he may stay out of obligation or a sense of brotherly love but you can bet your bottom dollar almost every man is dreaming about young porn star bodies whilst using his wife as a sperm receptacle sex toy Given the choice nearly every man would chance his wife's appearance to look like the young women he jerks off to, even though many men and even women deny this Does that sound like a life to envy to you
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (19 April 2015):
What about the women who don't get approached? Men seem to think all women are constantly beating dates off with a stick but that's far from the truth. Many women barely get approached at all, and passively waiting for men to come and ask you out is no fun at all.
Plus, these women then have to deal with the fact that they get progressively less desirable as the years go by. So for men who are late bloomers there is still hope, but for women it gets worse and worse as society really buys into the fact that our value drops with age.
The point is OP, there are double standards on both sides. Both genders have it tough at times, so all anyone can do is try to work with the cards they've been dealt and go for what they want. And above all try to remain positive, because bitterness and jealousy will definitely have a negative effect on your success at dating.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 April 2015):
I think it POINTLESS to have this envy. Because if ANYTHING it makes you un-datable if it shines through when meeting girls.
FACTS ARE, men are usually the one to make the initiative. Because historically MEN have had the "power" when it comes to relationships, to pick a spouse, get "rid" of a spouse. Girls who don't care about the rules and date/sleep with/ hang with guys get a label - sluts. Guys doing the same? Studs. So maybe it's UNDERSTANDABLE that women are more passive in the "chase"? then men?
Let's not forget a Woman's VALUE has been tied in with her virginity - men? with their virility.
Men aren't REQUIRED to be GREAT at asking a girl out, or getting to know a girl - HE does though, HAVE TO make the effort.
A relationship is NOT that of a leader and a follower. You have GOT to be kidding with that statement, because that is SCREWED up to think that women are just some passive creatures who follows whatever dude asks her first around. I have NEVER had a relationship where it wasn't a COMBINED effort that made things work.
Women who are introverts, socially awkward, shy, insecure has JUST as many problems finding a date. So I will CALL BULLSHIT on your theory that girls have it OH so easy and guys OH so hard. YOU... are the one making this hard FOR you. NOT girls.
But ALL that aside... WHAT good does this ENVY do? Not a GOODDARN thing.
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