A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a sexless Marriage (for over 3 years of no sex), and believe me I've tried to resolve it. But my wife remains uninterested in sex, and it just seems like we share a house as barely friends.I in the meantime have a very high sex drive, and this is killing me. So my question is, is it ok to have a secret affair, as the sex situation is beyond repair?And if so any advise?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lady662  +, writes (18 July 2010):
Wish I could help. I have the same problem with my man. I went out and found someone else. That was only creating another whole story. I fell in love with him. He is in another relationship but does not want to give me up. I love the sex and don't know how to stay away. So my addvice is before you go with someone else. Get out of the relationship you are in. Tell her how you feel and ask if your relationship can be repaired if not. end it.
A
male
reader, Stonemason +, writes (9 July 2010):
 Three years? She is very neurotic. You have every reason to divorce her and find a new partner. I wouldn't even try to work things out, as it's apparent you've already tried. Don't try. She's uninterested. There are plenty of women who need a good partner. You won't have any problem finding one...
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A
male
reader, Biyansa  +, writes (9 July 2010):
It is too long time. thank u for ur tolerance. This is a big sarcification u have paid. Better to disucss more. Ask your self why she feels like this. This is a immense issue raised b/n married couples. Such things was happened on my wife. I made a serious talk with her, and refresh her by taking d/f places. We come with agreement why she feels and gradual understanding b/n us and Now we have solved the matter totally. Currently we are a good exampliner for our friends. So pls don’t neglect her rather better to disucss with her, listen her problem, share her glitch, treat, care, support and promise turst her. Else ur consecusnece resulted in divource …….
Biyansa
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (9 July 2010):
 If you say things are so bad in your marriage, then file for divorce.
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (9 July 2010):
 If you're on here asking a question like this, you obviously already know it's wrong. It's not okay. No matter how many excuses you make, it's never going to be okay.
If sex is really more important to you than keeping your marriage and your wife's trust in you intact, do her a favour and get a divorce.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): That's a long time without sex. You don't say whether the marriage has been 3 years or just the lack of sex. You and her need to talk about this. There could be some underlying problem she needs to tell you about.
I don't think going to someone else will solve the problem, unless you have reached the point where nothing can be resolved and decide to leave her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): No. Having an affair is never ok under any circumstances.
You don't say if your wife is flat out refusing to have sex with you, or why, but it is not ok for either partner to withhold this very important part of married life from the other.
You need to sit your wife down, if you haven't already, and explain to her that there is a problem and it is making you extremely unhappy. Tell her that you love and want her, and need to make love to her and why. She should understand how important it is to you and be receptive to your needs. If she isn't, then you need to seek professional help as a couple. Make sure she understands the consequences of her lack of cooperation in a NON-threatening way.
If she refuses, don't cheat. End it, painful as it might be. It's not reasonable to stay in a sexless marriage and not fair to you.
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A
female
reader, jujubelover +, writes (9 July 2010):
 Do your still love one another? Maybe she could be helped by going to see a medical doctor. I also had a very low sex drive. I finally asked to have my testosterone level checked; and lo and behold I had no measurable testosterone in me! I’ve been getting monthly testosterone shots and it definitely has been helping. Hubby has been very happy too! But if you don’t love each other, then why stay in a loveless marriage? I wish you the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): cheating is never ok. There is never a good excuse. You married 'for better or worse' have you tried to find out why your wife isn't interested? Have you been to couples counselling or a doctor? It is possible that there is a health or emotional reason behind this. Without knowing if it was always like that or only the last 3 years, none of us would know. If sex is really the most important part to you then you didnt exactly go about marriage the right way. Get some help for her (and yourself) or divorce and find someone more suited to your needs
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 July 2010):
 I fully agree with SillyB, who isn't silly as her name claims.
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (9 July 2010):
 Why not divorce? Isn't that the better option?
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