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age
51-59,
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writes: If his excuse for not moving forward is because he cannot afford a ring, what do I do? Isn't it materialistic of me to give him an ultimatum in this case? If he says he cannot afford a ring, I would not totally believe him because of other things I know. He hates charging things too, so don't know about suggesting that either. I do not want him to spend a fortune. Opinions?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (3 June 2010):
 Something sounds off here. I've known a bunch of guys who got engaged and then saved up for their rings. I've known others who got one from a pawn shop, and still others who "inherited" rings from loving family members.
What would your ultimatum be, to "buy me the ring, or else" or would it be something like "I don't care about the ring, but I really want a commitment that we will be married"??
Because you talked about the ultimatum being "materialistic", I'm assuming you're demanding the ring.
Rings are a fortune, even cheap ones. They can be a few months' salary. I applaud him for not wanting to go into debt because of it. However, they have layaway at many jewelry stores, so I'd point that out to him.
Also, if all you care about is the promise of marriage and don't care about the ring at all and you told him that, his answer to that would totally reveal whether or not the ring excuse is a real one or not.
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