A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I really need some good advice. I've recently split with my boyfriend of 14months because his friend told me he cheated on me when we were first together. My boyfriend admitted it but says he wants to move on. Furthermore, his friend told me more things my boyfriend did such as email girls, flirt with girls at parties etc. My boyfriend has denied all of these.We've been split up for about 3 weeks now and he has been a mess. Hes been drinking everyday, calling me crying his eyes out, he says he wants to change, Im the one he wants to marry, have children with, he says im the only person that matters and if he hasnt got me, he wants to end his life.As much as I love him alot, he is very jealous, insecure and the sex isnt good. I know sex isnt everything, but I find myself dreaming of an amazing sex life with somebody else, but marrying and having children with my boyfriend. It makes me mad that he wont admit to the other things, and that I had to hear about the cheating from somebody else. Can this relationship work? Or is it best that i walk away?
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cheated on me, flirt, insecure, jealous, move on, sex life, split up Reply to this Question Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, girl89 +, writes (15 August 2010):
Your relationship would never work. My boyfriend who cheated on me the first time did it to me for the second, third, fourth time and so on. It never stops. Once a player, will always be a player.
A
female
reader, InLoveW/Love +, writes (27 July 2010):
I recently told my boyfriend i cheated on him so i might be a bit biased but I believe in second chances. Sex is something that can be improved with good communication and trust can be rebuilt.
The question you should ask yourself is, is he worth it? Are you the type who can forgive such an ultimate betrayal? You are the only person who knows. Just listen to that little voice inside you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow.. thanks everybody! I didnt think i'd get this much of a response back! You've really made me see clearly what i had and what i need!
And Fatherly Advice, in regards to your question, Him and his friend had a big arguement and fell out, and my boyfriend was really horrible to him after and stopped me talking to him. I later found out it was because he was scared of him telling me about the cheating.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 July 2010):
WHY would you go back to him? Because HE feels bad? Screw that.
Go out there and find a guy who will appriciate you, respect, honor and love you. A guy who makes you see fire works in bed.
WHY SETTLE ? EVER ?
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (27 July 2010):
He cheated AND he's bad in bed? He's got a lot of nerve! I'm sure he left the person he cheated with unsatisfied, too.
Look, you're young and at this stage (and every stage) of your life, you deserve good sex. You also deserve a boyfriend who is honest and doesn't have a bunch of emotional issues. You're finally free to go find someone who meets your needs; why even consider going back to this guy?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): Just because his friend said these things doesn't mean they are true, he has admitted cheating on you so of course you don't trust him. That together with the fact that the sex isn't good, I think you would be right to walk away, you need something good to build on and I don't think you have that.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (27 July 2010):
I think it would be best to walk away. Although he cheated in the beginning, before you were "more established" as a couple, you will always have a little bit of doubt in your mind. Plus, the other things you mentioned that were lacking in the relationship on his part, you may be able to look over it now if you get back together, but these issues will become a problem for you at some point in the future, it won't be enough for you.
Plus, anyone who threatens to kill themselves if they can't have you, well alarm bells should be going off, the last thing you need is a needy and manipulative boyfriend, because that's what he's doing by telling you he wants to commit suicide!
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A
female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (27 July 2010):
No way it can work. Just forget about him. He only wants you now that you don't want him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 July 2010):
There is no way this can work. No way. He's clearly cheated once, and chances are he's done it at other times as well. He's been drinking. And to top it off, he's throwing in the 'suicide' idea. Whether he does it or not is up to him. But you shouldn't allow yourself to be blackmailed. Continuing with your list, he's also jealous, controlling, insecure and the sex isn't that good.
Walk away and don't look back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): Wow - I know how this feels. Let's put this in perspective, shall we -
Let's go with the online dating ad. Suppose this guy posted an ad looking for a date:
"Jealous, insecure, unfaithful, depressed, secretive, sexually inadequate suicidal Player and Alcoholic seeks a loyal, bright, sensual,kind woman wanting stability and marriage"
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (27 July 2010):
OK
You are not satisfied.
You don't trust him.
He is abusive. (threatening suicide to get his way is passive aggressive in the worst way)
And you haven't even thought to question his "friend's" motives for telling you all this. Why is his friend pushing for a break up?
You don't have a relationship with him, you have a car wreck.
FA
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (27 July 2010):
Well, what good reasons do you have that can make it work?? You already list some important things you don't want to deal with in this guy, and your mind is already "dreaming" of someone else, so....
Answer this question...
If I stayed with him I would be the most happiest woman in the world because...
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A
female
reader, 123itsme +, writes (27 July 2010):
i don't know your boyfriend, but it seems as if he made a mistake, and he admitted to it. Maybe the other things your hearing are lies and that's why he hasn't owned up to it.I think u really need to ask yourself if he is really the one u want?.
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A
male
reader, JayLovesSam +, writes (27 July 2010):
Hey sweet, as the old saying goes once a cheat always a cheat, however that does not mean its true :), it sounds by what your saying that he has emotional issues, what I would suggest is that if he loves you, make him prove it, tell him to get help with his problems and come back to you later, if he loves you he will get help right now. Maybe he will come back a new man?! tell him that it will not be definate as you may move on, but what ever you decide to do at that stage you will both be better for it. I would not get back with him until he gets help with his issues.
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