A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:18 months ago I became infatuated with a girl I had never met before. She is a wonderful person in every way and I completely adore every part of her. We have always been good friends and I have always pushed for more - something she has made clear she does not want through her body language. About 12 months ago I realised my feelings were still not fading so decided to confront her about my infatuation in the hope that a blunt 'no' would curb my enthusiasm. Unfortunately it didn't seem to work. She has since been away for 4 months and I have had minimum contact with her during this time which has helped, however, even looking at her picture or seeing she has been talking to other people still causes me a great amount of pain. I feel confused because I know this girl isn't quite right for me. It feels like there is a piece of the puzzle missing - I know we are not meant to be together and could never picture us together as an item. So why did I become so deeply infatuated?I have subsequently met another girl who I really like and the best part is that I seem to get the impression she likes me too. We definitely get on well and I really can't fault her at all and yet I seem to have trouble developing feelings for her. I do not feel the same about this second girl as I do the first, despite knowing this might actually work. I feel somewhat disheartened as I don't understand why I can't develop feelings for this other girl when she is so great. I don't think it would be fair for me to 'settle' for this girl as she deserves to be much more than that - I want to love her, I have every reason to.I'm rather infuriated at myself. I seem determined to remain unhappy with myself due to subconscious choices I don't seem to have any control over. Why can I not seem to get this first girl out of my head? My feelings are wasted on her and yet there is another girl who is just as magnificent who I am missing my chance with!The only conclusions I can come up with is that I am either subconsciously scared of relationships and am doing everything in my power to avoid them or I only enjoy the thrill of the chase. Neither solves my problem. Any advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2009): Yeah, like they say, the grass is always greener on the other side--you can't forget the first girl. Another thing is--and I've had experience--is that in the first girl, you see something that you really really like. In the second girl, she probably lacks it.For example, there was a guy that I sort of liked, but that feeling was obliterated right away when I met another guy. The first guy was more handsome, taller. The second guy, more shy reserved. Even though more girls chased the first guy, I felt myself deeply infatuated with the second guy. I think they both like me. So I have a problem too.So perhaps you could find a new girl who likes you back and has the quality the 1st girl had, if this is the case.
A
male
reader, IamSoConfused  +, writes (10 August 2009):
What you need to try and do is forget the old girl. No contact with her, delete pictures you have of her, get rid of things that remind you of her if possible. Things like that. Try getting with the other girl as that could make you see how much better she is and you will finally get over the other girl. First love by any chance? Always the hardest (I should know...)
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