A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,I have been married for more than twenty years now. I have children (two teenagers) and the youngest one is 17 now. The problem is I married my wife for ten different reasons and none of them is love. I don't like her, physically speaking, and she's very far from my type. She's a great woman, a fantastic mother and professional. The problem is that I value appearance too much (maybe) and I feel I'm missing a woman that I truly desire and would definitely enjoy in our intimacy. I am planning on leaving my wife some day (of course, doing everything in my power to make sure she is fine, in financial terms). But sometimes I wonder if the problem is within me and not her. Could I ever get to change and accept her the way she looks? Am I doing the right thing, knowing that I was never attracted to her? Please help me, I'm very confused. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 December 2011):
 OP,if you are not attracted to your wife,... then you are not attracted ,you can't force physical attraction no matter how good and nice the person is. You should never have married her and you have robbed her of years and years in which she could have been loved unconditionally and totally be lusted after by some other guy... but, you know that already and what is done is done.
Maybe the right thing would be to let her go and let her stop living this humiliating compromise where she is a constant "in lack of better ".Only, I don't want to be a bitch, OP, but facts are facts and stats are stats, and where would this leave you ? I mean, you are in your 50s, not a hot young stud anymore... and if I got it right your looks were never anything to write home about to begin with. So, basically, what makes you sure that you could find someone more attractive than your wife AND available to be with you ?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): OP im sorry but I do not under stand your cryptic clues: you say u gave in to the first person who noticed you. So who noticed u ? Your wife OR another woman?
Its almost 2 years Later. What has transpired. So your wife doesnt look like a Hollywood babe. Do u look like a Hollywood hunk?
U are very childish. You place too much of emphasis on physical beauty. Does your wife know how shallow u are?
LoveGirl
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere is a few things I want to make clear. First of all, I don't consider myself to be the worst human being on the planet. That's why my situation hurts me and I would do anything in my power to change and become the person she would love to have by her side. Another thing is that I'm not exactly looking for a supermodel. All I'm asking is to find her attractive, even if she doesn't meet the standards of Hollywood. Third, she has said a dozen times times that if she would find herself alone in the world, that she would never re-marry. Another thing, I'm pretty sure that, normally, people are interested in other people because of common interests and values as well as looks, as men are aroused by the physical appearance of women (at least that's the key to turn the lock of a relationship in the beginning). In my case, I was just a man who got tired of rejection because of MY looks and felt terribly lonely. And settled for the first person who actually noticed him...Big mistake...big mistake.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (21 January 2010):
 Your age is listed as 41 to 50 - okayyyy, first thing, write the date you plan to leave your wife on a piece of paper and put it somewhere safe.
leave your wife now, still making sure she is financially secure, rather than continue to have to share living space with somebody you feel is unattractive.
Wait until the date in the future and then jump right in and find a bed partner who looks more the way you feel your sex partner should look and spend the rest of your life making mad passionate love.
Umm, and oops, you seem to have left something out of your scenario, what if the gorgeous drop dead sort dont find YOU attractive enough??
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): As appearance is your priority, each day married to her is robbing you both of what you individually need.
Do everyone a favor and file immediately. That way she can begin the inevitable much sooner and have a shot at a life without your non-love. And then you can get on with finding your supermodel and be happy with her.
...............................
A
female
reader, jc82  +, writes (21 January 2010):
 Do her a favor and leave now so she can have a chance to find someone who actually likes her. Help her with money and be fair in the divorce. You say you are confused, but you don't sound confused. Planning to leave her "someday" is wrong, and unkind. It never gets easier.
...............................
|
