A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi! I'm 35 yrs old, married and i'm attracted to this guy at work. I feel he likes me too. I told my husband about this and he' ok with it. I only slept with one guy which is my husband. He said it's ok to have sex with him if it comes to that. My problem is the guy is shy and i'm ashy person too. I grew up in a very conversative familythat's why i don't know how to mingle with guys.I noticed that he keeps looking at me and tries to start a conversation. He doesn't know that i'mmarried. I think he doesn't want my coworkers to know that he likes me. I want to be friends with him but I don't know how. I know it's weird that my husband approves of it but he said he wants me to gain more experience. Can you help me what to do and how to be friends with the guy that im attracted to. Thanks.Shy girl.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 September 2012):
 IF your husband is doing to you what my EX husband did to me, you're being set up to give him an excuse to end the marriage...
I was encouraged to see my "friend" when in an open marriage...and my hubby got jealous...and every time I said I would stop... he would insist I continue... till he felt forced to leave... he's already remarried... he just wanted out of the marriage and was not brave enough to do it himself and he set me up to be the bad guy....
I would tread very very VERY carefully here.... I do not think that having intimate (whether physical or not) with people other than your spouse is a great idea if you want to keep the marriage intact.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012): I see a lot of red flags here...your hb might change his mind later and then your marriage has been damaged. people at work could find out about this affair between you and the other guy and that could lead to problems at work or they may lose respect for you and your reputation is damaged. and how do you know this guy is open to getting involved with a married woman? if you're going to be 'exploring' something with him, at what point are you going to mention you're married? mention it right at the beginning and he could be turned off. Wait until he's more into you and then mention it and he could feel like you led him on unfairly. finally, is your hb OK with you falling in love and developing real feelings and an emotional attachment to someone else? you and your hb may think this guy will just be a FWB for you, but in reality having mutual consensual sex usually leads to feelings developing and emotional bonding with the other person. I think it's best to forget about this guy, and don't try to approach him with any intention of developing anything. instead why don't you work out what is lacking in your marriage or in your own life that you don't feel fulfilled enough.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2012): You need to tell your coworker you're married because he may mistake your acting on your attraction as a sign that you're open to dating him exclusively. Your husband may be ok with sharing you but this other man may not be OK with sharing any woman he's with including you if it came to that. Because most men are not OK with sharing.
is this coworker himself married or in a relationship? you need to find out if it's going to be crossing moral boundaries.
also just because your husband is OK with it, I actually really would doubt it. Most men are definitely not OK with this, they are territorial and it really damages their ego to think another man is doing stuff with their wife. you may find that if you actually go ahead, your husband may not be OK with it anymore. otherwise, if he's truly ok with it, it could mean he's actually not invested in this marriage and is looking for permission for himself to get with other women, by giving you permission to go outside the marriage first. So you also have to ask yourself if you would be OK with your husband deciding to do the same thing as you further down the road. if not then you shouldn't do anything with this coworker or you would have no right to ask your husband to stay faithful to you.
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A
female
reader, Lucky786  +, writes (3 September 2012):
 So your husband says it's okay and you're okay with it. Fine but what about this guy? Don't you think you should mention your husband and marriage to him before you involve him in your quest to broaden your experience?Why don't you chat to him about work, what he does at the weekend? See if he has a partner, wife or children. There are plenty of men out there that are looking for no strings attached fun that you don't work with. What I'm saying is that starting an extra-marital affair at work whether your husband consents or not is not a smart move. Try looking outside your place of work. Keep your personal and work life separate.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 September 2012):
 Are you really SURE your husband is OK with it, and not just saying it to keep you happy?
Once you go down that road there is NO going back, your marriage will NEVER be the same.
Why on EARTH do you think you need to have sex with someone besides your husband? Are you afraid you are going to miss out on something? And on what exactly?
I think it's a bad bad bad idea and it will bite you in the rear, I have no doubt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2012): you already got very good advice concerning your situations.Just as you would not like your husband to cheat on you,he will not appreciate it either.he just want to see the kind of person you are,and he does not mean it.most family got into that and ended up getting divorced.if you do it,he will no longer trust you and you will regret.thinks twice
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2012): Indeed, I find it weird that your husband is okay with this situation. I know a lot of guys would have acted differently, but your hubby agrees regardless. So, Why not ? You are sky and he seems to be shy too but you've said before that he was trying to start a conversation. Well, I advise you to wait for this next conversation and you could show him that you are really interested in him, just by listening. Try to discuss with him too and make last this discussion ! He is not gonna eat you, you know. If you're right, if he likes you, he will be probably very satisfied. It only comes to talking for now, not a big deal, even if for a shy girl ! you can do it ! Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 September 2012):
Hi Shy Girl.
This is not a good idea, as it will almost certainly mess your marriage up. Apart from that, are you not worried about why your husband seems to easy with it? I don't know that many men who would be so easy with this, unless they wanted to do something themselves.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 September 2012):
 Don't play with fire. Your husband is okay because he doesn't want to sound jealous. I would also question is it because your husband wants to play with others too. Many will dabble with the idea but when the actual thing happened, few are able to handle the consequences. I am not conservative, but I feel that marriage is for two people, and you should only do things that cultivate your relationship to grow. Playing with others bring no benefit to the marriage. I also don't think having more experience with other men will enrich your life. It's just that there are different sizes and shapes of penis, but basically the same function. I don't think there is anything magical about watching the differences in the way a man cums. You can have various experiments with the same man, which is your husband. You will find that your husband will respect you much more if you ignore that attraction to the guy at work.
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