A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a bit of a fix when it comes to a woman I'm dating and her ex husband. You see this woman and myself are co-workers which is how we became friends. Over the past year and a half she was not in good way due the separation. I was her shoulder to cry on and over time we started spending a lot of time together on a more personal level.It's no denying that she and I share a chemistry and we both have hinted at a deeper realtionship although we haven't entered that zone yet with her the divorce situation as well as her sporatic depression over the ensuing divorce. She's knows returning to her husband would be a terrible choice but she's still loves him. Basically she's in the cross over period.I'm understanding of what she struggling with but what I'm not understanding of and am becoming incredibly irritated and angry with is how her husband sporatically surfaces which in essence causes her to regress to the state of depression she was in when they first separated.I'm finding myself infuriated just at his name.I am hoping someone can give me insight into his purpose for screwing with my friend and what I can do to keep myself from going ape ass on the man?I am at a loss with the man's motives because he flirts with her one minute then when she's floating on clouds thinking he's wanting to rekindle their marriage he blows her down with a no or we can only be friends?I need some schooling with this matter. Thanks beforehand.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): your 'friend' or is it more your soon to be lover/girlfriend?
bottom line: she is still married and she is choosing to still want to be with her hb. no matter how messed up her situation is right now, u will be adding to it if you "pressurise" her to end it with her hb.
what happens to u if she decides to give him 1 last chance? do u wait on the sidelines, putting your life on hold?
what is the likelihood that she will really move on without him? as per the past these two are drawn to each other.
Can u just be friends with her or ????? you know that u want more than friendship, so where does this leave you.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (7 December 2010):
 Is she legally divorced yet? If not you're dating/seeing a married woman. So you knew what you were getting yourself in from the get go. Do they have children? If so then you already know that this man will always be in this woman's life due to the fact. You'll never escape him. Now, if no children then there's a chance she can cut him out of her life for good. But does she want to? How long have they been married and you already knows she still loves him? So when they officially divorce, that would make you the rebound. Ouch. This woman is damaged goods, she faces depression from the whole matter, and her husband keeps on manipulating her. Do you really want to take her on, after she gets divorced? Right now you're more or less her shoulder to cry on but you do want more. I don't think that's such a great idea in the long run for you. Personally I wouldn't go there, this is her battle to fight, you can't fight it for her.
In order to keep yourself from kicking her husband's rear, I suggest you back off of her and let her figure out this mess herself. That way you're not tempted to get more involved than you already are.
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