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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm not very sociable, and I find it very hard to connect with new people, I often feel very uncomfortable around strangers (and even acquaintances) because I just don't know how to make or follow conversation. I usually feel very comfortable about this, but other people, namely my friends, make me feel like I'm a weirdo. Tonight for example, we were going to have a girls' night with my friends, but there was a change of plans. My sister's boyfriend is throwing a get together at his place, with his friends, and since he's also friends with my friends, he invited them and me (and of course my sister will be there). And I just don't feel like going, because my friends and him share some background, some history, and of course my sister, as his girlfriend, has a lot in common with him. They know a lot of people that I do not know, and they always talk about these people, and things that I'm not familairized with so I feel out of place.I told this to my sister and she went all "I just try to include you in my life, but it's impossible if you refuse to expand your circle, that's the only way in which you won't feel out of place".I just don't feel comfortable. I don't. I'm a wallflower, always have been, I honestly don't know how I've made friends, but I've never had many friends anyway and I've always been comfortable that way. Also with my current group of friends I just got to know them 'cause they're really friends of my sister and they'd always hang out in my house, so it was like a slow, natural progression. But we don't have that much in common either, I mean, I've got to love them, but sometimes I still feel out of place with them, 'cause they're so loud, extroverted and everything and they definitely have different interests than mine. So sometimes I do feel lonely.And I know my parents think I'm weird. And everyone makes me feel weird because I don't feel like meeting new people. And I hate myself for being like this, but it's who I am. However, I'm concerned that maybe I have some sort of psychological problem, because everyone makes me feel weird. I don't know. But it's depressing.Could it be a psychological problem? Am I actually weird? Or am I normal? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (20 January 2012):
You aren't weird or anything of that sort, and lots of people don't enjoy the typical party social gathering and would just rather have a calm night with a few close friends they know and trust.That being said, it really wouldn't hurt to try and get out to see more people. I don't think your sister was doing anything wrong. She had a change of plans and was kind enough to include everyone in those plans instead of just going off on her own.Sometimes we learn the most about ourselves and have the most exciting experiences in situations we're not comfortable in. In High School, I was the same way. I hated being uncomfortable and was perfectly fine just hanging out with a small group of people. But eventually I started stepping out of my comfort zone and though it was scary at first, I really met some of the best people in my life that way.Fast forward to college, and I was excited to start from square one and meet new people; something that would have been hard for me to do if I hadn't put myself through uncomfortable situations in the past.To be conclusive; no you're not wrong or weird, BUT uncomfortable situations don't always need to stay that way. By taking that initial leap (the hardest part is always convincing yourself to get there) you'll find more exciting times and get to know more interesting people.
A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (20 January 2012):
Nothing wrong with choosing how social or unsocial you want to be.
If you hate yourself for it, either the hating part or the nonsocial part is not who you are. Probably the hate part. Negative feelings about one's self generally are a result of adapting someone else's attitude toward you.
Is it really "everyone" making you feel weird or is it someone SAYING that its "everyone"? If it is just one or two people saying "everyone" then get that person away from you. You will feel better.
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male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (20 January 2012):
 i would say you are not weird, as you put it. everyone is different to each persons on extent. i am more like you from the way it sounds, introverted . quit , feel more comfortable in small groups than a crowed group of people. rather be around a few good friends than a lot of people you don't know. you just need to find people that you can connect with, maybe not the loud , look at me people . friends that make you feel weird aren't very good friends, sounds like they are acting immature . you are stressing worrying what other people think, and it want help you one bit. it is better to have a couple of real friends, than to have many people that call them self friend and is never there when you need them. just something to think about.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): Well if you're not normal then neither am I! Your post sounds like I wrote it, word for word. My advice is don't force yourself to do anything you're uncomfortable with. Thinking I wasn't normal, I forced myself into groups of people or gatherings that always have and always will make me feel uncomfortable. It never worked out for me because I am a different peraon and NOTHING can change that. My sister torments me all the time, calling me a loner and my parents urge me to go to parties and get out there but I don't need to. I know I wont enjoy it so why should I? I went to a couple of gatherings where I was the outsider, and everyone was discussing inside jokes and people they knew....and what was I to do but just sit there, nod and smile awkwardly? You are YOU. You're not abnormal, you just are self sufficient, you have your own interests and your own group. My suggestion is do things you're comfortable with, with the people you're comfortable with. I don't have a single girl I can call a best friend. It sucks but I realized I dont need one, I confide in one or two people and my boyfriend and that is more than enough for me. People who point things out are either jealous or just insensitive. Don't listen to anybody and don't push yourself out of your comfort zone to please others. i hope I helped a little :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): I doubt it's "normal" for the majority of people, but I am the same way. As long as you *prefer* a more solitary lifestyle, it's not fair of others to judge you for your preference, and you should not try and change unless YOU want to. Good luck :)
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