A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey everyone,I'm a 24 year old virgin and the guy I'm dating has a pretty 'shady past' he has dated a lot of women probably slept with some of them!he has never been in love..we have not hd sex and he is ok with that,he said he will not force me into something if I don't want to do it..he has come clean to me about his past!but whatever he said about his past affects me,because I'm be frank here I'm vanilla,I never sleep around I'm not that wild and he is totally the opposite!I don't know if I should get out of this relationship before I get way too attached?what do u think? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2013): its completely up to you. if you feel this would bother you enough once you've grown more attached then I would suggest ending it to avoid any pain or discomfort for the both of you.
however, I never understood this necessity knowing your partners past. unless it directly effects you (i.e sexually transmitted diseases), then it shouldn't concern you. I understand its intimidating when you have little to now experience, but so far he has been cooperative.
enjoy the time you have. do things for yourself that would boost you own self esteem.
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (13 May 2013):
How long have you two been together? You and your B/F obviously have different ideas about the value, significance, and meaning of your sexuality. At the very least, do some careful thinking. My advice is to proceed slowly - in this case, it wouldn't surprise me if it took as much as a year before you're really ready to add sex to your relationship. Take time to consider the first response to your question (and the other response from the "anonymous" guy).
A 24 year old virgin of either sex is not common, but certainly not abnormal or weird or defective in any way. It shows that you place a rather high value on your sexuality - something that I admire and respect. (I was 23 when I gave my virginity to a virgin girl of the same age, and we have been life partners ever since. At that age we were rather "plain vanilla" too, but learned together about some "wilder" things.)
Your B/F, at least in the past, had rather different ideas. He obviously enjoys sex apart from love. You believe differently. For your own satisfaction you should probably know more about his previous relationships - "retroactive jealousy" is a real problem for some couples, especially where one partner has had many more partners than the other. Your comment about getting "too attached" is revealing. It sounds like you don't expect him to become attached to you, at least not for the long term. If that's not going to happen, why would you risk giving your emotions (and possibly your body) to him?
For you - and, if they are honest, most people - good sex has significant mental and emotional aspects as well as the physical. Sex without those elements can be pleasurable but probably not really fulfilling.
It's possible, or perhaps not, that he understands enough about the minds and bodies of virgin girls to satisfy your curiosity (and lust) about the physical part of sex. In fact he may give you a pleasant first experience. He will do what must be done; you will voice the cry that must be cried. After the blood and tears you will get over the embarrassment. (Looking back, that was actually a significant part of two virgins learning together.) You will learn about pleasuring your own body as well as your partner's. (You may need to un-learn some of that with a different partner.) And after several days, weeks, or even a few months you might part as friends - and you will see yourself in a different light.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2013): Dear OP,
Dating women and probably sleeping with some of them without being in love.. to me that's not enough to call it a "shady" past. If he made wrong promises to those women or if he paid for sex then that's shady in my opinion. But so far it just sounds like he's more experienced than you. Doesn't have to be a problem.
More important than his past is, what do you both have now? Do you really like him, does he really like you?
I am sure if you're honest about your doubts and talk to him, you'll know more about what you should do. If he really likes you, he'll show it through his actions and his patience. Also, think about what you want. When do you want to lose your virginity and under which circumstances? Do you feel ready or do you want to wait for someone else?
...............................
A
female
reader, angel91  +, writes (12 May 2013):
talk to your boyfriend about all of this, and lay your cards on the table. Does he know you're a virgin? Just be honest and open, tell him you expect the same from him.
He obviously respects you enough to not push you into anything, so I think it's worth giving the relationship a go if you like him. Everyone has a past, and everyone has the potential to change their ways. Also - just because he has had other relationships does not make him 'shady'. Most people in your age bracket have had multiple partners.
His past will only affect you if you let it. To be honest, what he has done with other people in the past is only his business (as long as he is STD free). If you want vanilla, tell him that. If he cares for and respects you, he'll be happy enough!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2013): Having very different sexual histories is a bad sign for compatibility. It takes very different kinds of personalities and experiences to produce such different histories, and those differences cause friction more often than not.
Some very different people make great couples. A lot of others do not.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 May 2013):
 I think you are over thinking this situation, yes you are both really different and have opposite views on things, but still you could be both suited to each other. I know a couple who got together the same way and they are working out well. It could work. If he likes you and he is not forcing you in to anything well then I think you should just go for it. Everyone has a past but the thing is that it is his past and not the present. If you are worried about these things well then talk to him about it. Be up front with him and see what he has to say. Also be honest with him that you are a virgin. Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2013): Never been in love? Now is part of never.Isn't he saying that he isn't in love with you either.The trick to dating is to read between the lines. Of course he is not going to say that he is only with you until he gets in your pants. What people say during dating to their partner is them behaving in the way that they hope will get them the result they want. It can be harmless laughing a bit harder then the jokes funnyness warrants or it can be saying anything she wants to hear to get her to spread her legs.Set your ego, that you are the one that will change him, aside for a moment and consider, is his behavior any different from his past? is he doing/saying anything that all those other women won't have heard as well?Oh and if he says, he never felt anything for those other women but you are the one... total and utter lie. Love and affection don't work that way.
...............................
|
