A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really need some help!! I've fallen for a 28 year old guy and i'm 16. i've liked him since we were 14 and we joked we would get together. now im 16 I really want to date him and get to know him as a boyfriend. He's fine with it, its just I'm worried what people will think of the fact i'm still in school and he's working. I don't want to be told our relationship is wrong because it's not. im 16 and allowed to date older guys. But how do I explain to people like my family he's 28?! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Counsela  +, writes (18 November 2010):
i know a 16 year old who is dating a 30 year old. I personally think its ok to date any one u want no matter how old you are. if you love someone it should not matter. as for explaining it to your friends and others, tell them to mind their own business. most people are narrow minded and it should not matter. as long as you are happy dont let anyone get in your way of true love.
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female
reader, england_rock_chic +, writes (24 June 2010):
xanthic - what am I too focused on to notice?
What do you call it then if its not two people in love?
Yeah fair enough I'm closer to his neice in age, but he still chatted to me after finding out my age.
He's my cousins mate, and my cousin for a joke said you've got two years to wait (i was 14 at the time) and the guy said yeah thats fine i dont mind.
Its not as if he ever chats to 14 year old girls all the time, we got introduced. I told him he was fit and he was like oh thanks :)
since then we just always chat, i cant help who I fall for. Its not as if he's doing anything wrong. I'm legal.
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (24 June 2010):
 Do you really know, or are you too focused on the older guy to notice?
I'm also just saying, in all honesty, a relationship between a 28 year old and a 16 year old is not right. It can't be excused as 'two people in love', because it really isn't just two people in love. Not when you're only 16 and he's approaching 30.
You're not going to get much (if any) positive feedback here on the issue. If you insist on being with him, you're going to have to face the fact that it's always going to be something people will react negatively towards.
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female
reader, england_rock_chic +, writes (23 June 2010):
Cindy- like I said he's a mate of somebody in my family, so its not as if i'm some random 16 year old that he's trying to hit on. The way I met him 2 years ago was out of my control, it was in a pub (i wasnt drinking) and we got introduced. So for that reason it is a bonus, everybody knows him, and know that he's such a lovely person to be around.
xanthic- I dont claim to be so mature, i'm always being told I'm mature for my age. Of course I like to go out and have a laugh but people are always shocked when I tell them I'm only 16. I'm just saying.
I understand that you think I should date guys my age but I have no interest in guys my age, they're all knobs if you ask me. And this guy involved, he's my ideal looks wise and so far personality wise too. I know that I won't be able to find these qualities in a 16 yr old.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 June 2010):
 A family friend ?....I wonder exactly how friendly your family will be to him once he has involoved you in a sexual relationship. ( That it's legal it does not mean that it's also a great idea and that your parents have to like it ).
The fact that you met him two years ago ,which in your opinion is a plus, actually makes it worse.
A 26 y.o. guy that turns his charm on for a 14 y.o. KID- a rather disgusting thought...
Like Chigirl says, you wanna do it- do it.there's no way to stop you anyway. Just do not expect that everybody cheers and hoorrays for the lovely couple...
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (23 June 2010):
There are several reasons why we aren't thrilled about your relationship with this man. Just as another comment says, what would a 28 year old want with a 16 year old? You two are in completely different stages of life, the fact that you love him isn't the only thing that matters. The fact that you say you're 'allowed' rather than you 'want to' isn't really helping, either.
You need to take into account why he would want to date you. In my experience, most men looking to date much younger girls often have difficulty with women their own age, and feel it's easier to impress someone much younger, not to mention easier to pressure someone much younger. Obviously not all relationships with a big age gap are like this, but at your age, they're the exception rather than the rule.
Also, your example with a 70 year old and a 58 year old is not at all the same. A 12 year age difference doesn't matter as much as you get older, because at 58 and 70, both people have quite a lot of life experience between them. At 16 and 28, he has nearly twice as much as you.
In a similar question on this site, I noticed you claim to look and act more mature than your peers. I hate to break it to you, but that's a really big sign that you're the opposite. Truly 'mature' teenagers don't feel the need to tell everyone just how mature they are. I'm not saying this to insult you, but rather give you a point of view from a young woman that was your age not all that long ago.
I suggest you look elsewhere for now, date boys around your age for a while and gain some life experience. A 28 year old is going to want a lot more from you than a 16 year old, and you need to seriously consider whether or not you're prepared for that before pursuing a relationship with him. In all honesty, you probably aren't. You'd be surprised how much you can learn about life and people in general in the span of a few years.
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female
reader, england_rock_chic +, writes (23 June 2010):
Can I just add,
I posted this before I had an account.
I can't believe how negative your answers were!!
I've known him since i was 13/14 he's a family friend. Well not a family friend but somebody in my family is his mate.
Why can't you lot just see that I love him!!
He's not a peedo, he was chatting to me, a family member was there when he was chatting to me and she said you've got another 2 years yet and he was fine by it.
chigirl- it is socially acceptable. its 2 people in love.
Monksdabomb- its not a worse situation, its still 12 years no matter what. You could say that a 70 year old guy dating a 58 year old woman is wrong because the guy is retired yet the woman still works.
I just think people should accept that its two people in love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): Well i have a differnt opinion. I am with a 36 year old and i am 17. I have been with him for two years and everything is great. Yeah alot of people dont except it and you have to deal with that when your in that kind of relationship. Or it wont work. You also have to be mature enough to handle adult things. Like me for example i have basically raised my self and have been through what most teenagers have'nt. So im a little bit different. But thats what i want in my life right now, is to settle down. Im sure you dont have to worry about that. Unless he has kids you really have to think long term.(mine does) I don't see anything wrong with it as long as you dont feel endangered, or like if he has a history of being with younger girls, those things might concern you. (they would me) That's just what i think. Follow your heart!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): I think when your parents allowed you to date older guys, they were thinking along the lines of 18 to 20. Are you sure they would be okay with you dating someone 12 years older? And what 28 year old is interested in a relationship with a 16 year old? All you can give him is sex and 16 year old conversation. Then again, maybe that's all he needs...
Oh, to answer your question, there is nothing you can say to most normal, functioning adults to make them okay with this relationship, so don't expect anyone to accept it--and him--with open arms.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 May 2010):
 You can't "explain" it. There's no magic concerning his age, nothing to be explained really. You fell in love with an adult man who is into little girls and everyone will undoubtly view this with a bunch of criticism. But, age difference aside, if this is what you want.. go for it. Just don't expect everyone to accept it and be happy about it. Just because you are allowed by law to date an older man doesn't mean its socially acceptable.
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male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (19 May 2010):
Tell everyone that he's a pedophile that at 26 was chatting up an underage child. If this was OK you wouldn't be asking the question... think about it!
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female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (19 May 2010):
 I don't know why it is, but a 12-year age difference is much worse in your situation, then say a relationship between a 28-year old and a 40-year old. You're still in school and he has graduated from college about five or six years ago. Not saying it can't work, but it's tricky.
In the States, a person is considered a legal adult at 18. At 16, I think you are considered a legal adult - I'm not sure about your country; the Brits on the board will have to help me with that. But if the two of you love each other, I say go for it and just tell your parents that the two of you love each other and get along well.
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