A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:If a person is an emotional abuser, is it a bad idea to tell him that, and provide details that basically prove he is abusive? I wrote a long breakup letter to my bf, and after reading it back, I was wondering if he was an emotional abuser or if maybe I was a little crazy. This wouldn't be the first time I wondered about this emotional abuse. I found an internet article on emotional abuse, and my bf fit the bill. Among other things, he cut me down so many times, in supposed jest. He often devalued me, and I was hurt by it. When I approached him about any of his behaviors, he lied and denied and evaded it, and he got angry and huffy with me. Arguments were futile. So, at the end of my long letter, I cited this internet article on emotional abuse. I feel like I have proved to myself, without anymore self-doubts, that he is emotionally abusive. But, do I give him the letter that points out his faults and why I can't be with him? Or, do I just let it go, and move on? I would rather not end the relationship, but I know I have to, and I am going to. I was wondering though, is there any chance for emotional abusers to get better? Does it take years? He did show a willingness to stop the behaviors, and he actually has curbed them quite a bit, but not totally. But he never admitted to or apologized for any of the past abuses, which was making me feel a little crazy. I still have a lot of memories, emotional wounds, and I don't dare bring any of them up, lest he get very angry with me. I give him credit for his efforts, but I still don't feel secure in our relationship. Any opinions would be appreciated. Thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011): Personally, I believe emotional abusers don't change.
They show signs of changing when they see their prey wants to escape, then go back to their old ways. And also, one of their ways is making you feel guilty for wanting to leave them.
Dump him for good. The world is out there for you to enjoy.
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