A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I spilt with my husband 6 months ago and met a wonderful man online. We've been together 2 months but two very intense wonderful months and just click. He was in a 20 year relationship previously which ended very abruptly (not his choice) he was heartbroken and 1.5 years later is only just becoming the person he used to be once. He was sexually abused as a child and is massively damaged by it all as has never really had the help he should have done. He has opened up to me with every detail and trusts me with this information as I myself work in a prison with offenders. Our relationship is full of fun and laughter and also very serious deep conversations. The Trust there is huge between us. He finds it so hard to express his feelings due to the past and I am OK with that. I compliment him daily and he loves it and is getting better and better at accepting it. He's even started to "look forward" to future dates. My worry is that because he sometimes goes into his shell and cuts the world off I am constantly anxious when I'm not with him. He's already gone for 3 days without contacting me and I was in bits. He's promised to be more upfront if he has a wobble again but I just feel anxious if he dosent text back...paranoid he will not want to see me again...scared he doesn't want to meet my 3 kids (he has none and that's another thing he regrets as she didn't want any) I am a strong person but this is sometimes making me feel low and vulnerable. X
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 July 2016):
 I am glad that you have met someone so soon after splitting with your husband, but I am also aware that it must still be quite raw for you. Two months is not a long time, but it is great to see that you are both sharing a lot with each other and moving forward. Still though in reality it is only two months and you need to be careful not to get in to deep to quick, you are both still recovering from serious relationships, and this is new to the both of you, so enjoy it but do not expect to much to soon.
It is great that he has opened up to you about his past, it is a sign that he trusts you and wants to be honest. I am sure he would benefit from getting the proper help to deal with his past. I am sure it still haunts him daily. But hopefully with the right help he can deal with it.
You also have needs, you get anxious when you are not with him, because you are worried about him, but you need to look after your own mental health, he has lived on this world long enough without you and he done just okay, don't be a mother to him, be his partner and continue getting to know each other.
He had a wobble and shut you out, and it made you in bits, I understand. Nobody wants to feel shut out, but you are being a bit to clingy at the minute, you need to remember you are only out of a marriage, take things slower, don't text him as much. I think you are scared of being alone, after being married that is normal enough, and it is good you are both getting a long but you should slow it down and let him breathe, it only has been a couple of months, and it sounds very intense so I can see why he would have had a wobble, I know your heart is in the right place, but he probably needs space from you as well. That does not mean he won't want to see you again, just that he needs time to himself. I am sure he would love to meet your children some day, but remember they are still coming to terms with there parents splitting up so maybe give it some time.
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (26 July 2016):
 You are both people with needs. You must still be recovering from your break-up. He has issues stretching back to his childhood. Still he has told you about it after only being together for two months so it sounds like he is coming to terms with his past. You are nervous in case you lose him. So step back for a moment and evaluate your relationship. Does he want 24 hour commitment or just a girlfriend for occasional dates? Perhaps you are rushing things a bit. After being married being with someone all the time is the natural state for you. Perhaps it is not for him at the moment.
Who knows what the future will bring. Tell him you missed him and how much you enjoy being together. Perhaps he feels the same.
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