A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Ive been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half now. He recently went off to college and we have been doing long distances since. His mom is the type of mom who is really protective. It seems as though she is jealous of me and worried that her son loves me more. Shes always been nice to my face but always made remarks to him about how he should dump me before going to college. A year ago he went to japan for 3 weeks and i simply asked her if i could go with her to the airport to pick him up, and she said no bc she missed him too and wanted to have just family time. Since I havent seen him since he left to college, ive started to really miss him. Thanksgiving is coming up and his mom and dad are flying up to him for thanksgiving break. I want to ask her if theres anyway I could go but i have no clue how to even approach that question since last time she wouldn't even let me sit in a car to the airport. Please help.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 September 2016):
 I'd just talk to your BF and find a time where HIS parents aren't visiting and then go myself.
Christmas might be expensive so perhaps wait?
But I understand his parents, even though I think the mom is babying him a bit there. I mean he was in Japan for 3 weeks... and you couldn't tag along because THEY had missed him SO much... 3 weeks.. *eyeroll*
So I think she'd tell you no if you asked. Simply for the fact that she doesn't WANT her son to have a GF. She wants her "little boy" all to herself.
That is why you plan it with the BF and visit on your own. And NOT when they are there.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (25 September 2016):
 The third option is the best one, though:
- go alone/he visits you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2016): Ask HIM! You're not in a relationship with his mother, you are with him. Why do you have to visit at the same time as them? Book a flight yourself, at a time that suits you both, and just go. Can he not also book a flight back to see family and you too? Long distance relationships at your age will be tricky, everyone says it but it's true - not all last when the time for university/college arrives. If he is serious about maintaining a relationship then there needs to be effort on both sides. Maybe thanks giving won't be a good time, his family might not ever have 'outsiders' during this time but he needs to speak up about you to his family so they know you mean a lot to him. You need to both arrange taking it in turns to fly to each other (or if he cannot leave college then it would be reasonable, in my eyes, for you both to take it in turns to pay for your flight out there if he does not ever visit. You could pay this first time, and he can the next etc... There's 2 of you in the relationship and it is not fair if one person isn't as committed as the other).If he begins to not seem particularly fussed about you visiting, or doesn't want to commit to an arrangement of actually seeing each other then it would be a good time to evaluate whether this relationship is just one sided.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (25 September 2016):
 Why can you not go to see your boyfriend alone? I am puzzled why you need to go with his parents.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 September 2016):
 Why do you have to go WITH them ? You don't expect them to pay your airfare, right ? So, if you want to go, you can organize your own trip.
Actually, I would ask my boyfriend what he thinks about the idea. He knows his folks, and he knows how they'd take the presence of the " newcomer "into the folds of the family at Thanksgiving. If they do feel that it's an intimate, family time, though, do not be upset , OP, and try to respect that. Yes , there may be a little generational competition and motherly jealousy, but , it's not necessarily about that. Some families are very inclusive and " the more the merrier ", some are very protective of their intimacy and feel that certain times ( Thanksgiving , Xmas.... ) are to be reserved to family members strictly.
Then again, maybe it would be just the right occasion for your bf to make his voice heard ( if we don't want to call it : to set his foot down ) and let them know clearly that by now you are part of his family too- the family we choose with our heart.
I'd ask him what he thinks , though. I am sure you don't want to spoil his Thankgiving making him face bad moods and arguments, even if your desire to spend time with him is normal, logical and legitimate.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (25 September 2016):
I think it's worth asking, but try not to take it personally that they do want family time, like you'd probably want couple time, because they miss him too.Are you unable to travel there yourself? Most LDRs have to find their own way to each other, when family aren't visiting (if they don't live with their family).I'd ask very politely, stating that you'd like to get to know them more, but understand if they'd rather spend it as a family holiday. I'd also talk to your boyfriend and see why he won't ask. It's friendly coming from you, but could feel intrusive on their family time because he hasn't established with them that he wants you there.Two options:- ask very nicely and don't take it personally if they say no, fund your own way there another time- ask your boyfriend to ask his parents, if he wants you there too.
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