A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everybody I need some serious help and please don't say things like that's what I get because I already know it's all my fault.I just loss my gf and I'm I think for good this time. I took her for granted and not once was insecure about her leaving me because I no matter how rogue I treated her she always forgave me only for me to turn around and do it again. Long story short I treated her worst than cow droppings. Today I saw a side of her that I'd never seen. She turned into Linda Blair and zapped out on me. I didn't even know how to react because everything she was saying was true but the way she tore into me it was like she was slicing me into a million pieces with a machete. Even my buddy was speechless. It's like my tender poodle turned into a vicious pitbull. Like she turned on me. Everyone keeps telling me that it's my fault that I made her hard but then she couldn't take my crap anymore and snapped.I know it's all my fault and I can't live with out her. She's the only girl who always went out of her way to make me feel like I was the only guy in the world that mattered. The others were bitches and didn't hesitate to to leave me for another guy. I can't live without her. I don't have any idea where she's at right now. That's not like her.I'm an asshole I know. This is all my fault and I have to get her back. I know I need to turnaround and I'm willing to do whatever is needed to find her and prove to her that I now know she didn't deserve to be neglected and treated so nasty.What made her snap?How can I locate her?What can I do to be a better guy?How can I prove to her that she is the best girl in the world?Do you think she will forgive me?Do you think she's with another guy?Will she treat me the same if she takes me back?I really fucked up.If she comes back do you think she will be the same as before or like the exorcist?Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): I can't even begin to fit this into my head. You kidding, right?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): Also, you are making it sound like you are the victim in all this. Well, you're not. You treated this woman like crap and no doubt the others that left.
"She'll be back but will I let her back?"
Look, wake up. I'm sure you think you are gods gift to women but you aren't love and this woman has obviously seen sense.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): -What made her snap?
You treated her like crap and worse then "cow droppings"
-How can I locate her?
You can't because she doesn't want you to.
-What can I do to be a better guy?
You tell me. Maybe start treating women with some respect and not calling them "bitches" would be a start.
-How can I prove to her that she is the best girl in the world?
By leaving her alone.
-Do you think she will forgive me?
Who knows. Maybe but i doubt she wants a relationship with you.
-Do you think she's with another guy?
Again, she might be but that's really non of your business.
-Will she treat me the same if she takes me back?
The question is, will YOU treat her the same.
-I really fucked up.
Yeah you did and it sounds like you treated her like crap for so long that this "poodle" finally snapped. You see, you can only push people so far before they snap. Have a think about the other women that left you. Do you see a pattern here? Maybe, instead of calling them "bitches" you should look at your own behaviour and realise that YOU are the problem.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 December 2010):
 OP : your bewilderment makes me think you don't even read the posts you get .
All I can say is : don't hold your breath waiting for her to come back.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): UPDATE FROM ME OP----
She cleaned out our apartment when I was at work. I can't put what's going down together it's not like her. i think she's doing drugs to be in a way like this extreme. She's never acted so cruddy. She has to know she belongs here and not out there alone. She didn't even have the decency to let me know she was doing whatever it is she's up to. She'll be back but will I let her back?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 December 2010):
 Pasting your question directed at me here: "Aunty BimBim I know I made her snap but why today? Do you think she's been cheating and influenced or do you think she was to be single so she can meet a guy who won't treat her like I do? I want to do what's necessary to have here back with me. The thought of her catering to another guy just digs at me".
She snapped today (yesterday now) because that was when she snapped, that was the day all those things about you that annoy the crap out of her finally got to her. No other reason.
I dont think she has been cheating, I think she finally realised that just like leopards cant change their spots, assholes cant change their asshole iness.
You as if she hs been influenced to meet somebody else, maybe, how should I know, I cant see in her head, but I hope she realises she doesnt have to settle for the scraping from the bottom of the barrel and can do better for herself. As for your comment about the thought of her "catering to another guy" suck it up princess, if she has any brains, now that she has gotten away from you I hope she keeps running. You are no prize catch.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): I hate to say it (well, in fact I don;t) but it serves you right, and I hope she has the good sense to stay out of your life. Your going to have to live with this for the rest of your life. A man that treats a woman like that is cowardly, spineless and weak. Good on her .
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 December 2010):
 Forget about her and move on man. There's no way you can or even should get her back, you had your chances. Improve and treat your next girlfriend better.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (8 December 2010):
What made her snap ? You made her snap.
Even the meakest creature on earth has a breaking point, but the problem is it's a secret breaking point, you don't know if she will reach it in one month or one year or ten years.
People swallows shit day in day out- until one day they reach "enough is enough " level, and- kaboom !, out of the blue they turn into Linda Blair.
I am not saying she dealt with your issues in a smart, constructive way. Of course it would have been better objecting to any of your questionable behaviours as soon as she noticed it, talking about it with you, and finding a reasonable compromise,- rather than being a doormat then exploding at the end.
But what happens in practice is often very different from what should happen in theory.
So, what you are experiencing is far from surprising.
I'd leave her alone at least for a while. I don't think you have many chances to get her back now, when people exceeds their tolerance level, they are sick of you, they see you and the situation with very different eyes.
The best is leaving her space to do her own thing, and also to let the dust settle.
In a few months she might have calmed down, or even miss you, who knows, -but right now forcing the issue is pointless.
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A
female
reader, tamtam +, writes (8 December 2010):
Why today? Why NOT.Depending on what the problem is, usually people can forgive the same thing a couple of times. Some extra patient and understanding people can go on for more. But these things build up. Drops and drops of water will eventually be able to overflow a cup. Some people are smaller glasses that tip more easily, and some people aren't. Why did she snap? Not knowing how you treat her, it might not even be the issue ITSELF. It could very well be the fact that you keep REPEATING the same mistake. If you asked your girlfriend not to place her shoes in front of the doorway so you wouldn't trip over them every time you came home, would you flip out at her the first time it happens? Probably not. the second time? maybe a stern warning. But I'm pretty sure by the hundredth time you end up tripping over those shoes you're probably going to be pretty pissed off. Why? Not simply because of some stupid shoes but because she wouldn't even make the effort to care about whatever it is you're saying. If you want her back then reflect on how you've been treating her. If you're just going to treat her exactly the same way then don't even bother trying to get her back. I'm not just saying that because she won't be happy, but because it's not going to last and it's just going to end the same way as this time. You gave her the reason to be like "the exorcist" and I suggest that if you do try talking to her again, don't compare her to that or a "vicious pittbull" To be honest, by the way you're describing her, even though you say you know you're wrong, I don't really think you do. She has put up with you all this time and it has made you think it is okay for you to act that way; to the extent that you almost sound offended that she's flipping out now. If she's willing to talk to you then talk to her but give her some time and give yourself some time if the two of you do decide to give it another go. Usually changes that you make "just to keep her" will not be long-term either so you really have to read just the way you look at your relationship and the way you want to treat her. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (8 December 2010):
I notice you use an allegory and describe her as a kind of dog, later you call other women bitches. You then post asking if she has been cheating. I have to wonder, what has led you to have just disrespect and mistrust for women? It seems to me on some deeper level you have a problem with women. Will she ever come back? Hopefully no. I say that because it seems to me that you need to learn a big lesson from this whole experience. You say "She is the best girl in the world" so why did you never treat her as such? You're not going to get that answer on here, because it's something only you know and have to come to realise yourself.
If you really are in your 30's I would suggest seeing a couples counsellor to talk through what went wrong an inevitably why you have such hostile feelings towards someone who I genuinely on some level you loved and wanted to be with. People make these kind of mistakes when they are younger but when you're in your 30's you are running the risk of never happily settling down. Get your problems sorted out with a professional, that's my advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): If you acknowledge that this was all your fault, and you genuinely care about her, then maybe you should let her go.
Sorry to sound harsh, but when I read your questions...
- What can I do to be a better guy?
- How can I prove to her that she is the best girl in the world?
- Do you think she will forgive me?
- Do you think she's with another guy?
.. it comes across as someone who is just peeved coz their doormat finally turned on them, rather than someone genuinely remorseful and ready to change.
If you love someone, set them free. In the meantime, if you REALLY do want to change, do so in your own time - and then try to win her back when you are a new man.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): I'm the OP. Aunty BimBim I know I made her snap but why today? Do you think she's been cheating and influenced or do you think she was to be single so she can meet a guy who won't treat her like I do? I want to do what's necessary to have here back with me. The thought of her catering to another guy just digs at me.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 December 2010):
 You obviously realise that you have a problem with the way you have treated her, it is a good start.
However, as to whether she will come back to you, that is entirely up to her, she might feel that there is no hope for the relationship and move on with her life.
Perhaps you should find yourself a relationship counsellor and try and sort out your issues. Please remember that whatever you do is not going to happen overnight - from what you have said, it sounds like it is going to take lots of hard work from your side to prove that you really mean what you say.
I dont think she would have found herself another man, he probably hates all men at this point in her life! If she does come back to you she will probably set strict boundaries, and to overstep one of those boundaries will probably mean that you have lost her forever.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (8 December 2010):
Cheering at Linda Blair, and on the inside I am yelling "YOU GO GIRL"!. However, you are the person who has written and you are the person who is expecting a magic wand, and all those words you have spouted about how you understand, how you were an asshole, how you deserver it blah blah blah don't mean a thing when I read the first in your list of questions ... you ask: "What made her snap?"
You DID, you made her snap, you may be able to talk the talk but you sure can't walk the walk.
You need to be honest with your self, and then maybe there is a slim chance you might be able to learn how to be honest with her.
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