A
female
age
41-50,
*eartBroken4567
writes:Ok so I really need some help here. The last boyfriend I had was a year ago. I dated him for almost two years. He ended up breaking up with me after he got a second job because he said he simply did not have time for a girlfriend. I believed him. About two weeks later, I get a call from a girl named Kelly who told me she was going through Justin's phone and saw texts from me and wanted to know what was going on with us. I told her I dated him for two years. She proceeded to tell me she has been with him for three years. I was shocked. The sad part is that it was actually all true. He had two girlfriends and I got played. Big time. I couldn't get over the fact that someone who told me they loved me could look me in the face every single day and lie. I hung out with him, his brother and his friends countless times and they all played along saying nothing to me about it. It turns out they are all the same way. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I called out of work. I was a mess. I couldn't even think about going out on a date with anyone. Now fast forward to a year later. I meet a guy named Steve. He was everything that I thought my ex was. Handsome, fun, intelligent, very easy to talk too and we clicked so well. I thought it was too good to be true. My ex still continues to randomly text me here and there every few weeks or so and say he misses me etc. I never reply. He text me 3 times early in the morning telling me he misses me and loves me. I would never in a million years get back with him. I guess the difference between the other times he has text me and now is that before I had no one. This time I was dating Steve. After my ex text me, it did bring up a lot of painful memories. I don't think Steve would be the type to cheat. I just get that vibe from him. Anyways I was convinced that there had to be something wrong with Steve. The more I tried to figure it out, the more it ate away away until one night I called him at 2 a.m. and told him I wasn't sure if I could see him anymore. He freaked out saying "Oh my God, where is this coming from??" He said I was making a huge mistake and he wanted me to take a few days to think about it. I agreed. The next day he text me and said he was having a really hard time with it because he saw mw as The One and was even willing to move to be with me (he lives about 90 min away). My heart melted. I felt horrible because what he said is exactly how I felt. The next day I wake up to a completely different text saying that I scared the crap out of him with how I acted and he honestly didn't know if he could get over it. I asked if he could call. He did. He said he liked me a lot, missed me and wanted to see me but now he just didn't know how to handle what I said. He told me "I never let anyone get to me and you did" He said he had to find a way to look past it because he really wanted to be with me. Two days go by and he wouldn't reply to my texts or answer my calls. Then on the third day he text me and said he just couldn't do it. I am so miserable because I know it's my fault. I didn't mean any of what I said, it's just that I had a wall up and he was slowly taking it down and it scared me. I felt I had to stop him. Stupid I know. So I had the brilliant idea to call him and tell him I didn't know if we should see each other. Why? No clue. Now I am alone and it sucks. He won't return my calls or texts and an email I sent him 2 weeks ago remains unread. Do you think there is any way possible to fix this. I really truly felt that he could have been The One for me so I don't know why I did what I did. Please Help.
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female
reader, HeartBroken4567 +, writes (30 June 2009):
HeartBroken4567 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did tell Steve all about Justin and what he did. And I did explain to Steve that is why I was acting so defensive and with all that on the table he still won't call, text or read the email I sent him 2 weeks ago. I am devastated :(
A
female
reader, MonicaC +, writes (29 June 2009):
 Don't be too hard on yourself, sweetheart. We all make mistakes in love and the trick is to take our mistakes and learn from them so that we don't make them over and over again.
In this instance, you probably did what you did because you were still feeling gun-shy after what happened with your former boyfriend. It makes perfect sense, and I can understand that completely. Once you've been hurt, it makes it harder to trust and devote yourself to a person again.
How to handle the situation? My advice would be to send him an apology and ask if you could meet face-to-face so that you have a chance to explain yourself. I think you should be honest with him. Tell him about how you were hurt before and that you are sorry and would like another chance. That's really the best you can do. If he refuses to give you a chance, then you have to respect his decision.
Best of luck. xo
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A
female
reader, Psychic Amber  +, writes (29 June 2009):
 Hi, you need to takes things very slowly, you have been seriously hurt and need time to "mourn" your last relationship and the trust that you have lost in the process of that break up. You already know why you did what you did, you were scared of being vulnerable again and therefore getting hurt.. give yourself some time..
there is a chance this guy will come back into your life, but you need to let it be on his terms and on his time frame..
Hope this helps..
Amber
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): You can't leave this relationship in this state or you'll never move on! You have been hurt so deeply in the past and it was a natural reaction to put a wall up and get on the defensive when you found true happiness. You probably wondered after feeling so down about yourself what you'd done to deserve such a wonderful man. You DO deserve him and you DO deserve happiness. If I were you I'd change your number so Justin can't get in touch and get inside your head. As regards Steve, write to him! Put EVERYTHING in words about how he made you feel and how you're feeling now. Don't leave anything unsaid. Tell him about Justin and how he hurt you. Take that guard right down and open up like you've never before. Hopefully he'll respond in a way that you want him to...but if he doesn't, you'll have no regrets in that you never tried hard enough to make it work. You will find true happiness whether it's with Steve or another lucky partner!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): the fact is you where scared. You been hurt b4. Does he know bout ur ex? I would say try to contact him from a different number and explain to him how u explained to us. If he still doesnt want to listen then he is not worth it. And sorry to say then maybe there is someone else. Gud luck love. Xx
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