A
male
age
41-50,
*r. Smith
writes:This is my problem:My girlfriend used an affair with a married man for almost 2 years. During his period as she told me (while drunk)... he fucked her in every way, place and time possible. To the point that she even let him cum inside her. I do know that this is her past and nothing can be done about it, I do know that she choose me and that I should focus on the present, yet I do sometimes feel like the asshole that had to ask her to marry him after she gave her self away to a guy that obviously just wanted to have fun with her... the sexist part of me says "why marry her, she is not briging nothing special to your marriage, just left overs" while my heart says "you are in love"...Ps; I do want to have a family, but I do not know how she can tell our children how to live life morally and repectful if she was the first one to live in a crazy immoral way???Please give me advice!!!
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (17 July 2010):
 I'd like some clarification on a few points. 1) Are you a virgin, or have you had sex with other women before her? 2) Was she cheating on you with this married man, or was she just dating him but not cheating on another boyfriend of her own?
If you're upset that she's not a virgin but you are, that's not entirely fair to her. I am saving myself for marriage too, so I respect that entirely, but by your 30's there simply aren't many virginal women out there. And she may have "had sex" with this man, but she'd be "making love" for the first time with you. There IS a difference.
If she cheated, I understand your concern. If she did NOT cheat on you, then this was a mistake of her past, something she's probably not proud of. Surely you've made mistakes too, right? Ever done drugs? Or smoked? Or drank too much? Or stolen anything? Or cheated in school? Or lied? No one is perfect. If you love her, that means forgiving her.
People WILL let you down. You WILL be disappointed in her during a marriage. Life is too long and too full of pain to assume this is the last time you'll be sad because of something she did. But you aren't perfect either and you disappoint her too. Do you still love her? Then forgive, move on, and love that woman unconditionally, without qualification or exceptions.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): Before you set a wedding date, you and your fiancee need to sit down and discuss what she told you. I don't know why she told you this information--a smart woman knows to leave the details of her past relationship out of her present one. Maybe she feels horrible about letting this man use her that way and wanted to share. Maybe she embarked on this affair during a time in her life when her self-esteem was low. Whatever the case may be, you really should talk things out rather than allowing these thoughts to swim around in your head. The more you think about it, the angrier you will become. Don't do this to yourself, and don't do this to her.
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