| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I would really appreciate help.I have written before and been greateful for some good advice, now my situation has changed somewhat...I moved to the States to be with a guy. Before I moved here we never discussed whether we were dating exclusively and it was an unspoken sort of agreement we wouldn't talk about it and our relationship would begin once I moved to live with him. Then we would give it a shot. Before moving we had been on vacation with each other three or four times and sent lots of e-mails. I wanted to move countries anyway, so it seemed like a good idea to move with him and see what happened.But when I arived he was distant and freaked out by our sudden living together and a ton of pressure. I was upset at his being distant. We grew apart and our relationship got way too pressured and I moved out after he told me he was having a hard time feeling like we were married.Now six months later, I have my own life and work sorted out. he has never ever stopped coming to my house, calling me, pestering me for sex in that whole time (I gave in twice in six months) he says now that he loves me and wants to get back to us dating and taking things at a normal pace.But I have also found out that he was in a sexual relationship with a woman (one of his clients) until about a month before I moved here (we agreed I would move about three months before). we hadn't talked about it but I am upset.Is this unforgiveable? i'm confused. i feel like he should have only been thinking about me at this time.I know sex for men can be detached and doesn't mean he was wanting to fall for her or anything, but.....I'm not feeling great about it. He now admits that she screwed with his head when i got here and his affair with her confused him when I arrived. He also says it was "easier" to let our relationship just go when things got tough and return to his thing with her once I'd moved out. He admits this was horrible and he knew she was in the background and that was unfair of him to let her confuse the issue.She was also still working with him, and they talked about how things were with him and me which feels like an emotional betrayal.I know men will generally take the path of least resistance, but I don;t know what to think here. It's very confusing.He dumped her about a month ago. She is married and he says he saw her as a committment-free thing, he admits the drama of the situation was addictive, that he's been an idiot and weak etc. He says he wants to prove to me he's changed and wants to get it right and that he cares so much about me, that he didn;t knwo how to get our raltionship back to a good place when things went wrong before.Please help. I don't know whether to cut him off completely or give him a chance and see how I feel.... There has been such a magical closeness and connection between us. i can hardly believe he let it slide like that, having her invoved before I got here and can I ever forgive him? Am i too hard on him given our weird long distance situation?Thank you
View related questions:
affair, long distance, moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2006): One piece of advise. CUT HIM OFF! You will never be happy with him. Magic or tragic, you knew it!~ It sounds like you are still putting hope on him when you said you stil think you share magical closeness with him. Honestly, that is what keep yourself living in the dream which is full of lies. The cycle will repeat. Good luck
A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (20 February 2006):
i think you should give him a second chance. he probably did just freak out because you went straight from being in an open relationship in different countries to living together and expecting to be exclusive. try to build things up again and do things gradually. tell him it has the relationship has to be exclusive this time. it might be easier this time getting used to seeing each other regularly is surely going to work out better. if he isn't prepared to do all that then that's your answer.
...............................
|
