A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my gf is drving me crazy, im in a ldr for about two years, we met and started dating in person and because of work and school we live in different countries. we plan to close the distance for good in one year. we text all the time and she calls me a couple of times troughout the day. however when she does it she is always sleepy and doest want engage in conversations, she wants me to talk until she falls asleep. i feel like she is using me as her sleeping aid! and when we talk i feel like im interrogating her, she does not talk absolutely anything about her or her day if its not a question coming out from me, and she answers only what i 've asked. its draining me and i feel so frustrated! she says she misses me but she has nothing else to talk about, i have asked her many times if everything is ok, she says it is, so i dont know how to manage this situation, i love her to bits but she is hurting me. i feel like she hides something.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2014): I don't think she's hiding anything, at least not from the info you provided here. Living together or in close proximity to your significant other naturally lends itself to you having things to talk about. When we are so far apart, it is harder and it does take some extra effort to keep conversations going. This is what killed my LDR, we loved each other plenty, but as the conversation variety dwindled, boredom set in, and before you know it the substance of your relationship is severely lacking. As much as we would like to believe it, love alone can't keep a relationship alive.
You need to create some sort of shared experiences so that you have more to talk about, do you two perhaps share any hobbies? Can you talk about the future, the near future, your plans for a year from now.
Also I would limit the number of times per day you have phone calls, one is plenty, three just becomes redundant unless you actually have something new to share.
I understand her wanting you to talk her to sleep, I was like that, and it's really comforting. However my bf reacted the same way you did and I understand that as well.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2014): maybe she feels awkward or something? i think the next time you speak to her, bring this issue up. gently though. and don't be afraid to do it, because it's better coming sooner rather than later where things might get messy for not expressing your feelings. and if one partner is having a problem which you are, the other partner will help you through it, if you tell them and they love you. and using you to fall asleep. i think she does that to dream about you. after all, the last thing that's on your mind or what's going on around you is likely to pop in your dream. so maybe she is using you for a sleepy what ever you said, but in a good way. maybe she has issues sleeping alone and needs your sweet voice to calm her.
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