A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really like my co-worker. Him and I we’ve worked together for a few months. I’m his boss but he’s older than me by 10 years. Usually he’s not the type I go for but he’s a gentleman. I thinks what’s one of the reasons why I’m attracted to him. Anyway, when him and I talk he’s always smiling. He does tease me a bit the other day he sat in my office and just opened up to me. He kept coming back and forth back and forth to talk to me. He always also talks about how broke he is always and how he doesn’t get paid enough. He also opened up to me about how he left his village because he is a half breed and how it was hard for him to find work. He lived in my city for 6+ years. It also worries me that he won’t be interested because ima completely different race from him and he only wants to stick to his race. Anyway, yesterday I asked him if he could come by place (I have roommates). And fix my sink and my bathtub I’ve hired so many people over the years and they can never fix it. So, I end up spending a crap ton of money. When I asked his face turned red and said I’ll let you know if I’m not to tired to drop by. He does Maintenance, he’s really good honestly. I did say I’ll pay him $100 bucks because he was saying how broke he is. So, I text him before getting off to tell him that I would just hire a plumber. Because I wasn’t getting home until after 8. He respond I’ll text you at 7:30 to see if your home. I said no it’s no worries, but he text me and he came. When he came my roommates were being so embarrassing. Anyway I really like him I don’t know what to do I may find another job so that I can move on with my life. I don’t want him to feel pressured.He is single I’m single.
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co-worker, money, move on, roommate, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 January 2020):
 I have to agree with most of the uncles and aunts.
HARD PASS. No, just not.
1. he is your SUBORDINATE. He works UNDER you, which makes this inappropriate.
2. He is 10 years older than you, yet isn't financially OK. He is hoping by BUTTERING you up that he can get something out of that "friendship" - maybe a promotion, instead you USE him as a personal HANDYMAN for you home... Not appropriate either.
3. If you DID start something with this man, your career would be in jeopardy, because YOU are not behaving appropriately as the "boss". And the issue that YOU are the "boss" and he is the subordinate would also be a problem FOR him over time. Many men are not really comfortable with a woman being the biggest earner.
4. The whole "race-thing" in your post. He has apparently stated to you that he ONLY wants to stick to women of HIS "race". So he has ALREADY set up a boundary that YOU can not cross due to your race. He isn't interested. If he was he would have made an exception already.
5. YOU are setting a BAD example for your other coworkers. You are NOT being professional at all. And that is not a good way to further your career.
Maybe finding a new job is a good idea. But don't leave the one you have until you have a new one. Be financially smart, at least.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2020): Although you put the American flag above your post, I don't believe you're an American. Your sentence structure and poor grammar indicates English is your second language.
If you are his boss, you can't supervise him without being biased. If you have him come to your house to do chores for you, he could always accuse you of putting inappropriate moves on him.
Did you happen to notice he keeps telling you how broke he is? He is asking for more money.
I have no idea what kind of business you work for, but it looks like you're using your position over him inappropriately. That doesn't fly without consequences, my dear.
You must work for a very small business, or a restaurant. If you were an American, you'd know there could be legal consequences; if you hit on employees that work under your supervision. You mentioned he left his village; assuming he is an immigrant-worker. Perhaps undocumented? Don't be surprised when the topic of money keeps coming up!
You're going to have a mess on your hands, and you are using your workplace as your dating-pool. The guy is broke, so he thinks there's something in this for him.
You have roommates? So, I take it you don't make a lot of money either.
My opinion? You are opening a Pandora's Box, and you won't have a clue how to get yourself out of it. You are quite reckless, and you're using your position as his boss in a very unscrupulous and unethical way.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2020): OP, you act as though you have no common sense, and no real ethics! You are effectively stealing time, which translates to dollars, from your business owner who hired you to do the job of keeping the employees working, not to sit in your office trying to proposition a man who is you subordinate! You are the one who asked him to your apartment/house to do a fix it job! You are guilty of fraternizing and maybe sexual harassment! The fact that you have roomates and that you may just up and quit your job, tells me, that you pay rent to a landlord, who is responsible for repairs, to the property which he owns! That tells me also, that you schemed to find a reason to invite this man, who works under you, no pun intended, to your home! If you are wise, you end any romantic heart to heart talks, with all of your employees, you stay in your job until you have a better job, and if you and he did plan to be together in the future, your friend would be the logical one, to seek other employment so you can keep your job!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2020): So I would get to know him more. Guys tease girls all the time and it can be causal intentions.
If he has said in the past he wants to stay with his culture, then I would just be his friend and let him come to you if his mind changes.
Him complaining about being broke and pay, sounds like he views you as a close friend. I would think, you would place your best foot forward and not complain even if it is true.
I think because he is different, your attracted to him.
Which is totally understandable, however, if he is the gentleman he would probably prefer taking the lead on asking you out if he is interested.
If you don’t listen to the above advice, I think I would just do a huge hint, then feel the situation out from there. Best wishes
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (5 January 2020):
 If I'm reading this right you don't understand his culture well enough to make that leap. Be much more careful than you have been. You are not handling this work romance by any sensible rules.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (4 January 2020):
 This seems so strange. It’s such an unprofessional situation - he shouldn’t be telling you his financial situation and you shouldn’t be asking him round to fix something. I’m sorry, but a professional will be able to fix it, especially if some random colleague could possibly do it. Really, OP.
The outdated concept of “half breed” and different skin colours. How do you know he wants to stick to people of his ethnicity? This shouldn’t be something a boss and employee discuss - just like finances shouldn’t be.
I’m sorry, but you both sound a bit clueless. I wouldn’t recommend the two of you dating. I would recommend you getting a new job and start fresh, but don’t quit until you have another job to go to. Leave this man behind and reconsider what you talk to colleagues about.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (4 January 2020):
I would give this a hard pass. Why would you leave your job over a subordinate who is ten years your senior and has no interest in you?
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