A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:im 17 and lost my virginity about 6months ago and have since at sex a few times with 3 different guys. the first times it really hurt and now although it doesnt hurt, i have no interest in sex. i dont know if this is usual but i dont really feel aroused in any way and never come anywhere close to a orgasm. but i do enjoy kissing and intimacy and do fancy guys but i seemingly dont enjoy sex, but at the same time i dont hate - if you get what i mean. i often pretend to be enjoy it by heavy breathing and stuff i dont know if this is all to do with my inexperience. i also dont find penises in anyway attractive and hate giving hand or blow jobs. is this is normal? i really dont know...
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female
reader, KittieS +, writes (6 January 2014):
 Firstly your not abnormal at all!!! I'm so sorry you have not had that special bonding moment, when you do it will be wonderful.I would suggest the next time you feel an attraction to a fella, you wait for a while, once you have done the getting to know each other with your clothes on, get to know each other by kissing, touching, holding if he is not ok with that - then lovely, move on. Sex shouldn't hurt, and should be happening when you really, really, really want it. Your know when you really really want it. And trust me any man worth your time, will want to make you feel comfortable, and never pretend to like something or make noises when your not feeling it, as he will just repeat those again and again as any man worth your time will want to please you
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (5 January 2014):
 I don't think it's really abnormal how you feel. BUT why 3 sexual partner is 6 months? Were they someone you ACTUALLY CARED for or someone you "hooked" up with?
I think it DOES matter WHO you have sex with, special when you first start out being sexually active.
Don't have SEX to please a boy. Because HE wants it. IF you are FINE with just kissing and intimacy (BUT TELL them before hand NO sex, you aren't ready for that for a while).
So if I were you I would step BACK from sex for a while. You will know when you are really ready to go at it again with someone YOU WANT to share it with. And DO NOT let any boy tell you that because you are no longer a virgin, it's NOT OK to say no, it IS OK to say no.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (5 January 2014):
Hello again. One further thing to add to my last message.
If you don't feel good about doing some things when it comes to sex, well then just say so.
Don't ever be afraid to say what you don't like.
And while we are on the subject of that, ask for what you DO want, and this will help you to enjoy the experience much more, as well.
Just be open and honest.
What you don't like now, in being new to the whole experience, in years to come with someone very special to you and who you are in love with and you love, it may be a whole different ballgame for you and with the right person, you may actually enjoy the experience.
The main thing though when it comes to sex, is to always be honest with what you LIKE and what you DON'T like - and make yourself very clear about it - respectfully.
Then you really can't go wrong.
Just do what feels RIGHT for you.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (5 January 2014):
Hi there. As it is very early on in your experience with having sex, this is probably quite normal to feel the way you do.
In any case, most women feel more in the mood for sex right in the middle of their menstrual cycles - in a 28 day cycle, about days 9-14 would be your most fertile days, the time of ovulation - and on those days approximately, you would feel most in the mood for sex.
As you are still so young, you may not be so aware of this right now, and it could take a few more years for you to become more aware of it.
Another factor here worth mentioning, is that on those occasions you did have sex, it might not have been when you felt most in the mood to enjoy it.
So what I am saying here, is that when you did have sex, it was outside of the ovulation time of your menstrual cycle - and that would make you much less in the mood than otherwise.
And it would certainly be much less enjoyable, as a result of this.
It doesn't mean you are gay or anything - by the fact you don't feel turned on by the sight of a penis.
It simply means that you are still learning all about your body and how you feel on certain days of the month, and nothing more.
Also, as your first few experiences were not that enjoyable, didn't help much with this feeling either.
Over the years when you meet other nice young guys who you are really attracted to, you will find that everything changes dramatically for you.
Just as a matter of interest, women usually don't reach their sexual peaks until about early in their 30's, and so being only 17 now, you have a long time to go before then.
Of course, your sexual maturity is still increasing all the time from your very first period, so don't tell yourself this is how it is going to be for the rest of your life.
That just isn't true.
So take heart.
I promise you, that it is only going to get better and better.
And as long as you don't have any physical problems that could affect that, well then everything is probably quite okay, and perfectly normal for your stage of life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2014): Honestly…it sounds like you might enjoy sex if you're in a relationship with someone you really care about or are in love with…I think sex is a lot more enjoyable that way, it's also easier to let your guard down and to let loose and have an orgasm because you're closer to the person you're with.
There's nothing wrong with not wanting sex right now, in fact I would probably advise against it for the time being. Once you're in a relationship you'll probably find that you'll really want to be with that person :)
Also, I think giving blow jobs becomes more fun when you're with someone you care about, because you want them to have a good time and you want to make them feel good, too :)
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