A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so i have serious confidence issues when it comes to men. if i dont know them or are a bit wary of them or even just in an uncomfortable situation. i freeze up. i wont talk, make eye contact or even talk to my girl friends till they've gone. if it gets really bad i will start shaking and sweating pretty much uncontrollably. i will usually make an excuse and leave. i fear being left alone with a lad. that is my worst nightmare as i cant handle the conversation and make a fool of myself which just makes me feel even worse. i just want to be rescued. its never the individual's fault its just cos there are male. stupid i know but i have very irrational and fucked up thought processes. i have never revealed the extent of this problem to anyone although i have briefly mentioned it to a few people. the reasons may be to do with the lack of male presence in my life growing up. (my dad left when i was 4.) i want to overcome it as im restricting myself to half of the population. im also desperately lonely and would love someone to talk to and be at ease with. my friends are great but they all have boyfriends so i tend to get pushed aside. i dont know how to overcome it. but i know i want to do it. its just that im soooo scared. any help??
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (14 June 2008):
 Is there some way you could join a club with another female who is willing to be a buffer where there are men?
It might even be good idea if the men in question are NOT potential love interests, you want to get used to men, not get a date just yet.
Basically, try to expose yourself to males but in an environment where there is someone to support you and you are doing something you enjoy doing.
If you are truly extremely shy you could also consider talking to over with a counselor at your school. There are methods for dealing with this and you are far from the only person to suffer from it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): Hi, hon. Well, I am a male and I have known other young girls with your "problem". I have tried to just carry on a casual conversation with some and they just "froze up", as you said. When I was young, I thought it may have been me or something I said. I understand what you are saying. You have some kind of mental block about boys/males. You say you would like to be able to talk easily with them, so I am supposing you are attracted to boys. Well, what you need to work on is your own lack of self-confidence. Do you feel that you have nothing to say that a boy would be interested in hearing? (?) Boys don't necessarily want an intellectual discussion on a music group or a film....just an, "I really like them, do you?" will start a simple conversation. And most boys are just as unsure as to what to say to start a conversation as you are. Just "feel your way". Small talk is not so difficult. But first, you have to get over the "it's all about me" thing. It is not all about you, hon. The "bloke" is just as insecure as you are. With not even a smile or 'hi' from you, he is just going to leave. "She thinks I'm a dork"...(smile). Believe me, I have been there. I can't give you any other advice, hon. You just have to work this out yourself. All I can say is that boys are people, too. They are not so different from you or your girlfriends. They speak the same language, like the same music, etc. Oh, yeah, they are different in some ways (lol) but, that is what makes you shy around them. Don't be so shy. I don't think any will bite you.
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A
female
reader, mum and 1 +, writes (14 June 2008):
sweetie we are all scared when it comes to talking and being alone with a boy but maybe you more than most cause your dad left you, the most influencial man in your life. Try not to be alone with a to start with try to have a friend with you. Imagine that your talking to a really good friend rather than a boy and if you start to get shakey or nervous go to the loo and breath slowly count to 10 and relax Hes probaly just as scared as you are! Try talking to your mum about your dad you need to deal with those issues separatley. good luck!!
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