A
female
age
30-35,
*rying out
writes:i had an abotion on the 6th feb 2010 and i really didnt want it and everyday i feel myself wasting away.when i found out i was pregnant i told my boyfriend straight away and the first thing that he said was, what am i doing? and then he said if i keep this baby then he will hurt his self and everyhing like that.i felt like he was black-mailing me.we kepted speaking about it everyday but there was no perswading him to let me have are baby coz he kept saying that we couldnt afford it and that it would push us apart so much. i had him going on at me for a week or two and then in the end i felt like he made me have an abortion.i blame myself everyday for what i have done to my baby boy/girl. and my baby didnt desurve what i did. i hate myself every second.everyday i have to look at babies and my boyfriend keeps going on at me saying why am i being perthetic all coz im not ready to look a babies and he keeps giving me shit about everything little.all i want is my baby back i wish i never went through with it all coz i have pollacystic ovaries as well so it could be hard for me to get pregnant again.i always carry my scan around with me coz thats the only thing i have left of him/her all im doing is crying out for help to my boyfriend but he just doesnt seem to understand what im going throught and i dont know what to do. i feel like im greaving for my boyfriend as well as me and also i feel like he never cared one bit. i just dont know what to ddo my head is everywhere
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female
reader, Petra at home  +, writes (19 February 2010):
We all have regrets and second thoughts after making a tough decision, so don't beat yourself up over it.
The important thing is to get away from the boyfriend that is pushing your around, not helping you, and looking out for himself. Work to get your life in order, be strong and remember that women who have had an abortion go on to have the same size family as woman that decided not to. That means your future children are depending on you to become the best, most independent, most educated person you can be, and then to be yourself and find the best father for them. Good luck, you can do it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): I went through the same as you but I was a few years younger than you are now. There is no easy cure for the emotions you are feeling right now and believe me you will carry these feelings for a long time. Even if you didnt want the baby you would feel this way as your bodies hormones have been messed around. I went through my abortion about 9 and a half years ago and although I have never got over it trust me it does get easier. My advice would be to get professional help, you need to talk to someone and let out all the bad feelings you have. Most men I know don't seem to understand how a women may feel in a situation like this and in other situations, they dont feel like we do and certainly wont understand how you are feeling about the abortion. You need help from someone who has been trained to deal with the emotions and stress you are going through. You cant turn back time and change what has happened so you need to except what has happened and look to the future and know you will get another chance to do this properly. I am 2 weeks away from expecting my first child now, this child will never replace the child I aborted and the child I aborted will always be in my thoughts. But you will get over this and you will get another chance to do this properly when both you and your partner have agreed it is what you want and the time is right. There is nothing anyone can say right now to make the horrible feelings you are experiencing go away, it is going to take a long time and a lot of tears so please dont expect to get over this quickly. Crying over the loss of your baby is good you are releasing your emotions, dont try to lock them away, you need to let them all out if you are ever going to except what has happened to you. If you partner cant be the person you let it all out on and you dont have a friend that you feel you can let all this out on then I would suggest professional help. Please make sure you seek help with this otherwise it will eat you up inside and make more problems for yourself. I didnt get help and it was not until 2 years down the line that I became depressed and started self harming, I dont want you to go through the same, you need to get over this asap so you can start looking to the future. And please remember you wont get over this over night you will need to work hard at putting this behind you and you will get another chance to do this properly when the time is right.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): I would suggest keeping a special journal where you can talk about this and only this. Find a support group, online would be ideal because your identity is protected. Your boyfriend is a selfish jerk. My bff boyfriend of 4 years did the same thing to her. She also had an abortion and regrets it but wanted to be with him and make him happy, now shes on medication for depression and is having a hard time getting over it and it has been over a year. You will feel better in time, the wound is still fresh.
Do things to help take your mind off of it. Yes it will still be there, but you do not have to dwell on it all day, the same tears will be there so even them out over the days lol.
Just because you are not thinking about the baby everyday does not mean you will forget about it or stop caring for it. The decision was already made, you can not undo what was done. All you can do now is accept it and live with it.
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A
female
reader, lovevivi  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 First of all, please breathe. It'll be ok. What's done is done and many would have been mothers do feel deeply scarred by the abortion process. Because you are so fragile, I suggest you seek help, be it with a therapist or with a group if there is one available to you (like Alcoholics Anonymous, etc). No one is going to judge you and though you wish this or that had gone down differently, you can't change anything anymore. One day when you feel you're ready, you may become pregnant again, it's not impossible. However if you cannot, you can always adopt. There are plenty of children who need a loving mother.
Secondly, please listen to me when I say that this boyfriend of yours doesn't sound like good news. You may love him and he may love you but your relationship isn't healthy if you live the rest of your life feeling like he pressured you into an abortion. All the signs are there. First of all, it is completely your responsibility to ensure that if you're not solely ready to raise a child to use protection. Tell him, no condom, no sex. Secondly, he threatened to do things to himself if you did not do what he asked. This is a classic manipulative trick. He knows you'd never want to hurt him so he makes sure you put him first. Don't fall for it! If he tries that again, tell him you'll get him help but don't just jump into something because he wants it. And he also said that having that baby would push you apart and that you couldn't afford a baby. If he knew this, why no protection? Yes I realize that condoms fail but considering it's hard for you to get pregnant with your ovaries like it is, i doubt that's the case. He sounds like he's just looking for the trouble but no punishment. A guy like that will not step up to the plate if something were to go wrong. Can you imagine that he'd leave you if you had cancer because it cost so much, etc?
however, it's important to remain calm and seek help. You come first, not him. If he asks you to do something, give yourself time to think about what he wants and then respond. But, again, PLEASE seek help. The trauma of an abortion at any age can deeply root itself in a woman's mind. Take care of yourself first and then deal with the world and your boyfriend later.
best of luck to you
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 I am sorry and my sympathies to you for what you are going through.
Your b/f is too young to understand what you are going through.He is clueless.
You cannot go back in time to change what has happened. You need to accept whatever has happened and move on with life.
Do not be too harsh on yourself. Forgive yourself and all others about this unfortunate incident.
Grief all you must . Time will heal your wounds.
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A
female
reader, Moon13 +, writes (19 February 2010):
 Im sorry that you had to go through this, and i wish i could make it better for you.. but truth is you are mourning your loss of a child.. that is something very deep and hurtful for a mother to go through, you did what you thought at the time was right because of all the pressure, and your boyfriend wasnt' of any help then nor now. This is the time that you have to go through a grieving process just like anyone who loses a loved one. IT's sad that you are going through this alone, and that your boyfriend doesn't seem to care. Sadly you need to face the truth that a man like that is not worth staying with.. you need to get away from him and you need counceling.. good luck
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