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female
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*rita4
writes: iam a mother of one child. i broke up with his father and now it is 2 years. how ever since then i have failed to get a man to love me. is it because of the child, do i look bad or is it my attachment to the men when i show them that i want a serious relationship that gets them running away? its like they all want to sleep with you then damp you. what do i do? i really want to settle down and maybe because i have been there somehow i feel my life is incomplete.
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female
reader, trita4 +, writes (4 August 2006):
trita4 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much i pray that i get that self confidence.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (4 August 2006):
 Self confidence is the key to happy dating and not wanting things to happen quickly - want someone in particular, don't want a relationship. If you feel that men are using you for sex then stop sleeping with them early in the relationship until you learn to trust them. If they are just after sex and you don't give in then they will leave but your dignity will be in tact. You sound depressed and your relationship breakdown with your ex probably contributed to your poor self esteem. You should stop thinking you have 'failed to get a man to love you' and think that they have failed to show you the love you deserve. There are lots of people out there willing to commit to a serious relationship but it takes times to develop that sort of relationship. If you rush into things then you could end up in a unhappy marriage or something similar if you don't take time to get to know that person. My advice to you is to stop wanting the whole relationship thing so much. I know that is hard if you are feeling lonely but it is very true when they say love comes your way when you are not looking. A more relaxed approach to your dating may be the key to success. By this I mean early dating is about both people sizing each other for compatibility. You shouldn't be booking the church at this time but weighing up whether they are worthy of your long term attention or not (again this comes down to self confidence). The right man for you won't mind you have a child, will like you for who you are as much as what you look like and will treasure your 'attachment' to them. If they object about any of those things, they are just not worthy of your attention. take Care!
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