A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to think about my boyfriend's actions. I have known him about 3 years now. When I first met him and we were getting to know each other I was telling him that an ex of mine had upset me because he used to buy his Mother similar cards and gifts to me for birthdays. Over the years my boyfriend has started doing weird but similar things.... slightly different circumstances. We were supposed to go to New York for my birthday first year we met but it fell through for finance reasons although I paid for us to go somewhere closer to home. (He had also been to New York with his ex girlfriend) so he bought me a print of a scene from New York and said "If you can't go to New York you can at least have the picture." The worst thing was he had taken an almost identical picture for real whilst being there with his ex and turned it into a print for himself. Other examples... I bought him a specific book for Christmas and he then bought the exact same book for his Mum and then his brother's girlfriend for their birthdays. I gave my boyfriend a book I had been given as a gift from a friend (kind of long term loaned him it) and he bought the exact same book for his Mum for her birthday. Now, I have seen an order on the internet he has made for 2 x music players (2 x the same thing). It is my birthday coming up and I am absolutely sure one is for me as I have mentioned liking it. Why has he ordered two identical ones? I have a feeling the other one is for his Dad!! I am getting so tired of feeling like nothing is 'personal' or 'special' when it comes to gifts. I feel like he is taking the pi** I don't want to seem ungrateful but surely it is important to be thoughtful and gifts are about making them special to that person? Well I guess I'm saying it is for me - and he knows that. All this in particular after I had said how much my ex had upset me over it. Its as if he's doing the same thing. My boyfriend is not an unkind person but I am finding this really really difficult to take time after time. How do I ask him about the order I have seen without appearing ungrateful or nosey? I am already upset about it and need to know the truth. Don't want yet another birthday present to be ruined.
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christmas, ex girlfriend, his ex, my ex, player, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (1 April 2008):
 One year I received a sand wedge my husband had got as a freebie when he bought himself a set of golf clubs...
Eyes, omg, 3 nighties and a COOKBOOK???? Those should have suffered a little 'accident' on their way home, falling under the wheels of the car as you wrestled your way into the seat!!! And I've learned a snowblower doesn't like it when the auger wraps itself up with copper tubing....oopsy!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): I bought my first wife a torque wrench for her birthday. It was her car that it was going to be used on, so I didn't see a problem with that. However, she did.
At the time I thought it was the ideal gift, but she disagreed. There's no pleasing some people.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 April 2008):
 Okay here's a great example of how men think...I had just given birth (and it was a looooong labor)to my first child. It was Christmas and my husband showed up at the hospital with my presents. He bought me three very sexy negligees and a cookbook. The nurses were laughing for days. The next year I got a snowblower.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): HunnyRed1982 has it spot on, Men dont mean to do this its just there way of trying to please you the best way they can, We think differently I always want to get my fiance a special gift and I guess Im lucky as he thinks very much like me, They dont have to be expencive. Saying that though he brought his mum some lovely stuff for christmas and I was quite happy to recieve the same.Valentines he always goes out on a limb and finds something special hunny but all my previous relationships! No idea! its no ones fault in fact Ive had many a laugh over my first husband it was getting to the point that my friends and I had bets on what Id get, I dont really worry about gifts so it was fun :}...I mean how would you feel if you got a pinapple for christmas and when you came back from giving your gifts to your family it was gone!!!!My ex husband wrapped up a bloody pinapple for me and then ate it!!!...He is doing his best sweetheart I got clothes hangers another christmas and dice so dont worry to much, I understand were your coming from but as long as he is good and kind to you then its all good...TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): red1982 has really hit the nail on the head here. Whilst it's a known fact that men simply cannot figure out what's going around a woman's head, it's obvious from her reply that she knows only too well what goes round a man's head!This is totally unnerving. She knows me better than I know myself and I've never ever met her!
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A
female
reader, red1982 +, writes (1 April 2008):
I think men and women view presents very differently. My husband always assumed that as long as everyone had something it didn't matter what it was - no thought ever went into them and people rarely got anything suitable. He thought of present shopping as a chore that had to be done.Whereas I put a lot of time and efort into every present I buy. I always try to make sure that it is something they will love and that no-one else will have bought. I can easily spend weeks looking for the perfect 'gift.' I really enjoy it. I complained that the presents he was buying for me weren't what I liked (I put it a bit nicer then that) and he started to give his mum money so that she could buy me something from him. I then sat down with him and explained that what I really wanted from him was something that he had thought about and new that I would appreciate, and that a present from him mum didn't bring me much happiness (although the gift itself was always nice).This mothers day was amazing - he bought me a couple of really nice gifts - nothing expensive but I could see that he had really thought about what to get me, which meant everything. And he seems to have finally understood what presents are about - thinking of the person you are giving it to and showing them that you care enough to put yourself out to make them happy. Anyway - I don't think your boyfriend is being deliberately selfish, he's just not thinking. He probably just saw the music player and thought well that will do for both of them - another chore crossed off my list. You could always try talking to him about how his presents make you feel and what you think makes a good present for people and why. Explain that presents are a way of showing that you listen to what the person likes and have thought about them. Presents make a person feel appreciated and loved. A present that looks like they saw the first thing in a shop window and thougt that'll do doesn't make you feel this way. Unfortunately unless you spell it out letter by letter I don't think he will get it. Good luck
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