A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been going out with a girl for 2 years almost, we have both been very much in love with each other however i have never really showed her this, she has always though she loves me more than i love her to the point of her getting so worried she gets emotionally weighed down. She worrys i will leave her and gets worried i don't love her and recently we have been having petty arguments and i get stuborn and ignore her, yet she always comes running back giving me her love and trying again. But recently she ended the relationship after another argument saying 'thats it, i can't take it anymore'. i know i have been a pratt and i have truly realised what i have got now its gone. But when i try to talk to her and i tell her how i will change and how much i love her and i really will change, she just tells me its too late now she has to get over me so that she can be happy in the future without any worry. Ive tried most tricks in the book and she just tells me to leave her alone because it keps putting her back to sqaure one when i talk to her. She says its the hardest thing for her because she misses everything but shes heard it all before that i will change and so now its the only thing for her to do. Ive finally respected her wish and let her be for a while but its killing me inside, im getting paranoid i will never gether back. What can i do, please help. Thanks Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RawrrJoJoBabii  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 Ohkay.. she may tell you hat she's trying to forget you but.. it wont work. If she really really loved you you're not gonna just fade away from her mind no matter how hard she tries and neither is her love for you. It's the way that girls brains work. So you don't have to worry much about that.
The book you gave her was much too soon. And she probably broke down emotionally because inside she really didn't want to leave you but the simplest things you've done have made her think that maybe she wasn't good enough or you didn't love her like you claimed to. This drove her to the point that you were probably gonna break up with her which meant in order for her not to get hurt she had to do it herself.
Now, i think you should give her some space. Eventually, she will realize that she can't take being away from you any long. And when she does realize that however long it takes you absolutely have to be there for her. She might feel stupid she ever broke up with you and in that case if she feels that way you have to comfort her and tell her that she was right and that you really do love her.
Maybe in a few months it might be okay to talk to her and have a phone conversation with her. But, if you do that don't bring up any of your relationship topics and don't ask questions. Talk about normal topics like how she's doing and try to be a friend to her to maybe show her that side of you again.
A
male
reader, Markymoo +, writes (9 July 2008):
Hi
I am the person who created the question, i have tried alot of the tricks in the book, i made her a book with things in from the years weve been together and wrote a letter to her about everything. She did ring me crying and said thanks but also said its too late now because these are the things she wanted when we were together not when we are just splitting up. I spose i gave it her to early, only 2 days ater breaking up and she still just seems angry. Im struggling to give her space because i don't want to give her too much that she forgets me.
She says all she can think of is the bad times, will that go eventually?
Ive made a full book of all the good times so that she doesn't forget but i want to give it her at the right time. Ive respected her wishes and have let her be for the first full day now. So i just wait until she contacts me? if she contacts me?
...............................
A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (9 July 2008):
 Well said Gecko...
Some good advice there Anon. Give her some time to collect her thoughts too. They say ''Absence makes the heart grow fonder'' ...it's true, it does. So let her have her space. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
Please let us know how things turn out.
Best of luck.
BigSis
xXx
...............................
A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (9 July 2008):
 The best thing you can do is write her a letter.
That way you get to sit down and really take time to htink about what you want to say and how you want to say it, and she can read it in her own time, and truly take in what you say.
Tell her you know you were a prat. I suspect you gave her the cold shoulder so many times because it was so easy for you to - she came over all needy and clingy and in your face, sometimes it's just human nature to act like that, as mean as it is!
Tell her you want to start afresh, tell her the changes you want BOTH of you to make. Tell her you want her to feel secure in the relationship - because THIS is what she doesn't want to feel AGAIN.
Good luck x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): You shouldn't be paranoid you'll never get her back. You should be convinced your not.
Whatever happened in the past is the past, and is pointless me going through it. Women, like many on this site, hate being used. They hate pain. They hate paranoia and jealously they go through. So they escape it by leaving it.
Trust me she probably really is struggling. But everytime you talk to her she'll get angrier with you. If you read (sorry I can't give you links) about women particularly that are struggling to get over people they've left because they've felt unhappy, you might understand a little more about how she feels.
I think you should leave it a bit, write her a letter. Some people say writing letters is a cowards thing but it helps collect your thoughts, it very romantic and shows you put thought and effort into it.
Buy her something. Talk to her. Treat her with consideration and care.
...............................
|
