A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for several years. We love each other very much but probably aren't the best match for each other. I would like to consider breaking up, but I have anxiety and it makes everything difficult 10x harder. I'm scared of being alone, sleeping alone, getting panic attacks alone, etc. Not scared to the point of phobia or anything like that, but still just scared and anxious about it. I don't take medication for anxiety and never will, as I don't want to give myself the impression that I am not strong enough to overcome it, as I definitely am. Yet, it's still incredibly hard and an almost constant struggle. I am wondering if anyone who suffers from anxiety could give me advice on how to deal with breakups. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, BE125 +, writes (1 June 2018):
Hi, the one thing that kills anxiety better than anything else is action. The anticipation of something is often worse than actually doing whatever it is that bothers you, so if you have decided to break up, then I would act on that decision very soon. I would also consider medication because whatever is causing your anxiety may be something medical in nature, something that is not your fault and has nothing to do with feeling strong enough to cope on your own. You don't need to fight that battle, and there is zero point to suffering with anxiety when there is treatment available. I've been alone for a very long time and also experience anxiety sometimes. I usually plan, and then act. I always feel better when I do that. Good luck
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (1 June 2018):
You need to do what's right for you and if being with this guy is not right then you have to let him go. Just because you are an anxious person doesn't mean that you drag on and on in the relationship even though you know its not working out.
So do the right thing, let it go and there's no shame in consulting a doctor and getting some medicines prescribed for anxiety. It doesn't make you any weaker!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2018): Maybe you should consider discussing an amicable breakup with your boyfriend. Explain to him that you need some time to sort-out your life; and to try living independently. You say you are afraid of being alone, fear having panic-attacks while alone, and you don't like sleeping alone.
You're an adult. You can't always be supervised and monitored around the clock like a child. Boyfriends are not babysitters or bodyguards.
If it's that bad for you; you may require some pretty serious therapy. That means regular follow-up therapy sessions with a licensed mental-health professional. At least until you're back on your feet; and able to deal with your breakup by yourself.
No therapist worth their salt would suggest you don't try to gain breakthrough on your own. Not just swallow pills. The objective of therapy and treatment is to be able to function and assimilate into to the day-to-day world; and be as independent as you possibly can.
I'm glad you mentioned you didn't want to become dependent on medication. You want to do the best you can to function without too much drug-dependence. All the same, you may need some interim-therapy and medication; while you undergo adult-separation anxiety, and the normal withdrawal symptoms of post-breakup trauma. That's hell for anybody; with or without anxiety or depression disorder! More-so for someone who has been clinically-diagnosed!
Invite a friend or relative to live with you for a few weeks after you separate from your boyfriend. Establish your daily routines and take it slow and easy. Find yourself a good hobby for concentration and distraction from your loneliness. You need intellectual-stimuli and something recreational to focus on something other than yourself and being alone. Let your creative-juices flow!
Get yourself a small pet; to keep you company, and to soothe you when you're anxious. A loyal little dog will need grooming, walks, and playtime. That's therapeutic in itself.
Don't avoid counseling-therapy or drug-therapy if your doctor recommends it. You may need to be given light sedatives only to be taken when needed. You may not require a strict or complex medicinal-regimen. Let the doctor decide.
Avoid pill-pushing therapists. Sometimes all you need is someone professional and knowledgeable; to keep an eye on you, to make sure you get through the rough-spots without panic or depression. An on-call professional support-system during a crisis.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (31 May 2018):
 I take medication for Anxiety and Depression it doesn't make me any less stronger than you are. Personally I think medication and therapy will help long term. But that is only my opinion. You should look in to CBT in your area, you need professional help for anxiety.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2018): I've been getting panic attacks for fifteen years now. It started when my best friend got cancer. I seldom get them, but when my boyfriend broke up with me a few years ago, boy did I get them. I've had Lorazapam on hand since they began and, though I don't have to use them often, I'm certainly glad they're available when I need them.I don't consider myself to be a weak person and I don't take one every time I get one. You say fear of your anxieties are what's holding you back from breaking up with someone you consider to be a bad match for you. If that's true it would be helpful to have anxiety medication on hand so that when/if you make that decision, you have something to help you get through your panic attacks. It does not make you weak nor is it something of which to be ashamed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2018): It seems odd to me that you want to break away from your boyfriend when you say you love him very much.It seems to me that you are subconsciously creating anxiety in your life because normally you dont feel a need to break away from someone you love, so I would suggest that you seek counselling to discover why you want to create trauma in your life.Saying you love someone very much but they are not a good match is a bit of a cop out.If you love your partner but want to break up do you secretly think you deserve more while you leave him weeping at your memory.You might not be a caterpillar changing into a butterfly but more some one who is prepared to shoot themselves in the foot in order to conform to a false ideal personna.It would be so much nicer to both of you if you planned to do something pleasant together like a holiday or a fun daytrip to a new place.Do you need to see someone else happy with your boyfriend in order to appreciate what you once had?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2018): Unfortunately now is the time to prove you're strong enough. Im not sure how possible it is to fight biology but you're saying you can't sleep alone but won't try medication when a third of Americans are on psychotropic meds.Dont be ashamed!! Or a support group to start. Sounds like you need to train yourself to do things alone. Perhaps read into codependency as maybe that's part of the issue.
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