A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Today I did something that I didn't want to do. I broke up with my girlfriend. We aren't officially broken up though. We just got into a really bad argument and so she didn't want any major decisions being made while we are emotional. I broke up with her because I don't know how to make her happy again. Our relationship was wonderful in the beginning. She was always so happy with me and loved to have me around. But she claims that I have changed somehow during the course of our time together and I'm acting strange. I'll admit that I am. We have been arguing a lot here lately (mostly stupid stuff I have done, nothing too bad) and I have been very cautious for a while to make things better. I've been watching what I say, eat, do, who I hang out with, etc. And she says that all of this is making her not want me around anymore. That I'm just not myself anymore. Which is true. I don't want to dump her but I don't know how to make things right again. I feel like things are too broken to fix. I can't do this alone. She even claims that she is getting tired of me. I'm not sure what to do anymore. So what it comes down to is how to I find the security and confidence to be myself again? We went through a rough spot before I was able to rekindle the flame but I'm not sure anymore. She thinks we need time apart. Which a little time to do our own thing sometimes is fine but I feel like she's over me... There is no question that I am in love with her. And I want to and can change but I don't know how... I just need some help. Any suggestions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): I agree with CaringGuy it sounds to me like she's trying to change you and now that she knows she can't she's leaving. It's REALLY easy to lose yourself in someone else. You have to be careful not to let that happen. If you've lost yourself then you have some soul searching to do. How can you ask someone else to love you if you don't know who that is?
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 July 2010):
You see, at first I thought that this might be your fault a bit when you said you'd done stupid stuff. Then I read part of your post that told a lot of the story.
"I've been watching what I say, eat, do, who I hang out with, etc".
It seems to me like this girl doesn't know what she wants of you. I mean, you made mistakes, but then when you tried to fix them, she suddenly changed her mind and decided you were changing too much. Then she she claimed that she was getting tired of you, instead of explaining what was wrong? Now's she's claiming that you need time apart?
There is something wrong here, and it's not with you. It's with her. A woman can't just come into your life, dictate some things to you, then change her mind and claim you're not yourself anymore before deciding to spend some time apart. It doesn't work like that. Seems to me like you've got a girl here who's trying to make you into something else, but she doesn't know what that is. I'm not sure you should be with her at all.
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