A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been together 8 months. We met on a dating site. He still lives with his parents (for various reasons) and since they are an hour away from me, he basically lives with me 3 nights a week on the weekend. The problem is that, on average, we have sex only once during the whole weekend and that's not enough for me. I would want to have it every day or at least a couple times since we're basically abstinent the rest of the week. He just doesn't seem to be horny or into sex that much and i don't know how to tell him that i need more without making him uncomfortable. From conversations we had, it sounds like he had lots sex with lots of different partners in his early 20s (and he kinda boasts about it) but his drive has been much lower in the last 5 years (hes 31). He also used to do drugs -heroin, cocain, ecstasy- during his early years and that could be why his libido is not that high. Im an attractive woman and im probably hornier than average but really we're young and it still early in our relationship! I do try to initiate by touching him but he reacts as if its too sensitive. And most of the time he's just watching tv and i dont really feel comfortable showing up in lingerie to try to turn him on. Most guys ive been with would just take the initiative so i never really had to face that situation and i feel a little hurt that he doesnt want me that way. How do i tell im in a nice way?
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drugs, horny, libido Reply to this Question
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (15 March 2012):
I'm with Odds 100%. good sex starts with breakfast in bed, and get creative with the jam! Lose the TV, its not just sex lives it kills!
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 March 2012):
 You can never really know how much sex a man had had, because only rarely will we not say that we slept with everyone in the world (and a few hot Martians). Just ask any grandpa and you will find that none was the dumb guy in the classroom.
All you know is that you want sex more frequently than he. Since you've tried the "indirect" ways, why not talk to him? The problem will not get solved indirectly.
This doesn't seem to be "rejection", but perhaps "lower sex drive".
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (13 March 2012):
 Foreplay starts when you wake up, not when you first get horny. Flirt and get a little touchy early on, and stay that way all day. Give him a five or ten second kiss in the early morning when you first see him. Wear something a little sexy in the morning (one of his shirts and nothing else is great; tight PJ pants and a tight shirt also work). Randomly hug him from behind during the day, and hold it for at least a few seconds. Kiss him on the neck at random. You don't have to go all the way to lingerie (though that would work), you can just wear something a little sexier. Maybe some short shorts, or a skirt, or a tighter or lower-cut top.
Also, get away from the TV. Go out and take a walk, or both of you can get gym memberships - exercise will up your libido and his. Cook dinner together - decide on a nice, healthy meal and cook it as a team (start drinking while cooking, instead of waiting for it to be done).
Most of that is stuff you can do at home, without even going out. Just make the mood in the house a little sexier and a little more playful all the time. If you go out more during the weekends, that should help a little too - go dancing, for example.
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