A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's mom is very nice and friendly, and I do like her. The problem is that she is always around, and several times while he and I are hanging out, she has tried to get us to do things with her, like go out to dinner, go to the movies, etc. I have no problem spending time with her, and she is actually very nice and fun to talk to, but it's a little frustrating how often she does this. I understand that she is lonely and that all of her daughters are grown up and moved away, but I'm still a little frustrated. My questions are 1) how do I handle this and 2) am I being bitchy to be a little frustrated by this? Thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your answers! I'll try some of the ideas out. I'm just really not used to a social mom like this. My own mother is petrified shy of people, but this lady has three grown daughters and many sisters and is highly social.
Thank you again for your answers!
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (26 March 2011):
 of course you are not being bitchy. Yes his Mom is being a little needy and not allowing her son to grow.
But you are understanding that this needs to be handled very delicately.
Talk to your boyfriend, also very tactfully (as all you say may get back to her, via your boyfriend, even if you ask him to say nothing)
It would seem that she does not have enough happening in her own life. And has an excess of energy. But maybe not enough friends either.
Talk to his Mom in front of your boyfriend (so nothing you say can be misconstrued later). Without it being an Inquisition, ask her what hobbies she likes. Or what groups she might enjoy (playing bridge/quilting circle etc)
If she says 'nothing' then say no more in front of her.
But later to your boyfriend ask him if it would be nice if his Mom could develop more activities, hobbies, or join groups where she could mix with more people in her age group. Maybe go on a cruise?
If that does not work then suggest to your boy friend that Mom he and you outings be restricted to once a week, then taper off to once a fortnight and finally to once a month as his Mom tries to develop other activities.
Your boyfriend may have other good suggestions,
Keep his Mom on side though, as his Mom could turn out to be your good ally too, in this relationship.
Best of luck, Abella
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A
female
reader, MamaBear +, writes (26 March 2011):
If you do not like his mother being around when you and the bf hang around, then I suggest you go to your place and hang around! Just that simple! You did not mention why this woman is "lonely" as you say - but talk to her son. Maybe he can get through to her that she needs her own world and her own friends. There could be reasons that you do not know of, so let her son deal with it. However, it may not bother him so you will have to make it clear to him how you feel.
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A
female
reader, kaykay1989  +, writes (26 March 2011):
 Well it's nice that that you get on with his mother and I don't think your being bitchy at all. Going to the movies and going out to dinner with your boyfriend are suppose to be intimate thing just you and him share.
Has your bf noticed this or just you? It's going to be better coming from him then you. She is probably lonely but you need to talk to him about how you feel. Tell him you love his mum and haven't got anything against her but you want to be able to go out with him to places without her showing up.
Then maybe you can have nights out with him and maybe suggest going out for a coffee or going shopping with her seperately she might like that. xoxoxox
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