A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend and I feel such a horrible person. Even though I know it was the right thing to do for both of us I cant help but feel guilty for making him so upset. There were issues in our relationship, but I just didn't love him whereas he was totally in love with me. The other thing is I work with him, I don't know whether it will be awkward or whether I should speak to him or not. We parted on ok terms but I just don't know how to behave around him. The fact that i work with him makes me feel even more bad for breaking his heart because I will see how upset he is on a weekly basis. How do I stop feeling so bad about myself?
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male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (24 July 2015):
 To reply to anonymous, the OP says there were issues and she didn't love him. That is enough reason for her to end the relationship.
I presume from your answer that you were dumped in favour of a "bad boy". I'm sure you felt awful being dumped, but if your girlfriend had feelings for another person that she didn't have with you, than breaking up was the best thing to happen. You sound like a nice, decent bloke, and you deserve to be loved by someone who appreciates you and loves you just the way you are. Hopefully that can now happen for you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2015): Every one keeps, saying what you want to hear, to make you feel, good, how about him, he has a heart, you didn't say he was a bad guy, so just curious, is there a new guy,one that is fun, a challenge, in other words, a bad boy, please remember, bad boys , are called bad boys for a reason, you hurt that guy, and one day you might regret, leaving him, cause, remember, there isn't really a lot of good guys out there, how will you feel, if you see him with another girl at work, you did the right thing for you, good luck
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (23 July 2015):
You did the right thing for both of you by breaking up with him. He deserves to be with someone who loves him, and he will have that opportunity now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2015): unless of course he starts dating someone else from work!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2015): You will not understand this now, but in time you will. Breaking up with someone is a hard thing to do, and it isn't supposed to be easy. Just because we breakup with people doesn't mean they will disappear for our benefit. Working with him has nothing to do with your personal relationship.
Work is work, and your personal-life is a totally separate issue. You behave as a professional, no matter what your job is. You do what you're paid to do, and you should be cordial and polite with your ex. You can't be responsible for his feelings once you have told him you do not love him. It is now up to him to work through his own emotions. You're not happy about what you had to do, and you are going through your own grief.
As others pointed out, what you did was fair; and you had to be honest. It's painful for both of you. Although it may hurt him more, if he loved you more. You will see his pain everyday, but he's a grown-up; and he has to learn to deal with life as it is. If he causes you problems at work; you'll have to take it to Human Resources or your supervisor. You should be able to do your job, without the threat of issues unrelated to what you were hired to do.
You weren't married; so the extent of his pain will not be as severe.
We will all sooner or later face the demise of a relationship. It's not easy for anyone involved. It's worse for the person who gets dumped. However; it is a lesson in life and we learn how to survive them, in spite of the pain.
You "should" feel bad. It shows you are not cold and calloused. Only you cannot be responsible for how he takes it. That's his job. You can't stay with someone you don't love. He will realize that letting him go also gives him the freedom to find what he wants and needs elsewhere; as will you.
It takes time, but people survive breakups. Healing can be slow and painful; but when you come out on the other side of it, you move on and find the match you're looking for.
You will eventually stop feeling bad. Hurting someone shouldn't be easy. You should know what it feels like to be on both ends of a breakup. The dumper, or the dumpee. It makes us more considerate, sensitive to the feelings of others, and responsible as human beings. Even if we can't make it work. Just remember the fact that you would feel worse staying with someone who is expecting and demanding from you what you cannot give.
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A
female
reader, Marebear  +, writes (22 July 2015):
I would just be yourself around him and not freak out about it. You broke up that's his problem I mean you guy both move on. so don't try to act a certain way around him. If you don't want to speak with him then you don't have to do that either.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2015): I'm a man who has recently had their heart broken and was similarly upset. Really you have to realise that this is just life, its not fair on you to waste it with a person you don't love and equally he shouldn't waste time with someone that doesn't love him.
You gave him the opportunity to go out there and find a person who does in fact love him.
You did the right thing, and i believe you did the kind thing. Breaking up with someone takes courage. So i think you also did the brave thing. The cruel and cowardly thing would be to continue, knowing that you didn't love him. lying to him every day. Now he can find the right person for him, and so can you. the pain will fade in time and you will both be better off because of the break up.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 July 2015):
 How do you stop?
BY accepting that you DID the right thing and wish him well.
Staying with someone you don't REALLY love is stringing them along, and THAT is not fair. (for either of you).
And by being civil and professional at work. Maybe take a page from this experience and NOT date in the workplace?
IT IS NOT your fault that you don't have as strong feeling as he did. You CAN'T MAKE yourself LOVE someone because you think you should. Just like you CAN'T MAKE someone love you.
Guilt is not going to help EITHER of you move on.
So FORGIVE yourself for dating a guy you come to discover is not a good match for you. And then LET it go.
It happens.
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