A
male
age
41-50,
*asil-ds
writes:HiMarried for 10 yrs, wife and I have great sex, when we have it. Over the last 6 mth or so, we only have sex when she drinks, which is maybe once a month. I heard all the excuses...You smell like choclate, you smell like garlic, you are sweaty, and the grand winner...Im tired (thats another issue)The other day, I was adding new shelves in our closet and found 2 vibrators in the chest that we agreed I was to replace. I stopped the work and told her I needed a piece. I have not let my wife I know I found them, but think the drop in sex has to do with these.I know they are used since I did check the batteries and they were from our 'new batch' we just bought. Its for sure a turn-on, but Im a guy and anything is a turn on.So, how or do I confront her that I found these...I do not want to appear I was 'snooping'
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): So_Very_Confused
I think you totally missed the mark on how I was going to introduce it. I was not going to have it hidden in bed, the put it on high and use it.
I was going to show her while we were in bed.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 September 2012):
 I think not.
How about you take her out to a lovely dinner and DISCUSS with her that you would like to improve your sex life and then ask her if she has any suggestions....
if she does not then you could suggest it....
do not just "spring it on her" during the act.. that's very distasteful to me... feels almost like a rape or an ambush.
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A
male
reader, basil-ds +, writes (12 September 2012):
basil-ds is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDrinking makes us all a bit 'free spirited'
What about me picking a vibrator up and next time we are in the bedroom I will bring it out in a 'surprise'?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 September 2012):
I asked my fiance the other day how come he never masturbates in front of me and his comment was 'it's private"
perhaps that's how your wife feels about HER masturbation... it's HER TIME... and NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS...
why is she keeping 7 yr old receipts and where did you find them with the other receipts.
why don't you tell your wife that you fantasize about her? that would be a big turn on for me...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2012): easy..when its play time..say hey guess what i found in the cupboard when doin shelving,, do you think they need an airing now??
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A
male
reader, basil-ds +, writes (9 September 2012):
basil-ds is verified as being by the original poster of the question"If you telling her you "needed a piece" is your way of seducing her, I'm not surprised she often makes excuses" thats great!We both work out 3-4 days a week, my wife is super hot and I tell her all the time, but she continues to say shes not and most times when I tell her shes hot, she thinks thats a line.We had occasional 'quickie' where I know Im the only one to get anything out of it, but we did have our 'good sex' nights...At least that what she tells me. I would make sure she had the big "O". As for her wanting me to know, I highly doubt that. I found the receipts and one is 7 yrs old, the other looks fairly new. These are the 'rabbit' type, if that means anything.I did read up on some things such as the 10 second kiss and will try to spice it up a bit. A may be a moron, but I do fantasize about my wife all the time, but I do not tell her.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (9 September 2012):
Walk up to her and tell her that you found the vibrators while fixing. Next step would be to work on your sex life and pin point where the real problems are. It could be you, it could be her but I can't assume such things.
I agree with confronting her about the vibrators because hiding something like this is pretty dishonest to me. I'm actually confused as why others would say not to. If it was a topic with a guy watching porn, you'd see amazing reactions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2012): If she has to be drunk to have sex with you, I'd suggest the sex isn't that great for her. Hence the vibrators.
If you telling her you "needed a piece" is your way of seducing her, I'm not surprised she often makes excuses.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 September 2012):
 I agree with Ciar here.
I don't think it's the vibrator that makes her want you less.
Aside from hardly ever having sex, how IS the sex when you do have it? Is she satisfied? You said YOU had great sex WHEN you have it, but the question is does she?
Is she stressed in life/work? Some women use a vibrator/sex toy for a quick release, just like men do with a wank. It's not about NOT wanting to have sex with your partner, it about "scratching" an itch.
A drop in libido can be cause by unsatisfying sex over a long period of time, but other trouble in the relationship, bu hormonal or thyroid imbalance, by stress and depression.
Either way I don't think you NEED to CONFRONT her as you call it, but I do think you and your wife need to figure out why your self like is the way it is. Sticking your head in the sand or blaming a vibrator isn't going to help.
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (9 September 2012):
Just tell her exactly what you posted here and tell her that you would gladly use them on her when you have sex. just tell her what you think, tell her you think its sexy and but that you wish you would have sex more often. When you had sex before was it painful or not gratifying for her? Thats the only reason i can think of for why she would not want sex and switch to vibrators.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (9 September 2012):
 Well she knew you were going to be working on that chest, right, so either she knew she had them in there and wanted you to find them or she forgot but either way I don't see why, if you two are VERBALLY open about sex, it should be a taboo thing. Sometimes I leave my vibrators in the bed, and my bf just says something like OHREALLY! and I don't feel embarassed about it, but it obviously depends on the lady, so use tact if you think necessary. Sex by yourself is completely different than sex with someone else, in my view masturbation generally does not detract from my interest in sex. I would sit down with her and ask her about her disinterest in sex; ask if she needs things to be spiced up, ask if she wants to have a certain act done on her, ask if she wants toys incorporated more between the two of you so that she can get off too?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (9 September 2012):
 She didn't announce that she bought them so I don't see why you have to announce that you found them. The vibrators are not the cause for the drop in sex. It's something else.
Either there is something that needs adjusting between you, likely outside the bedroom, or she has other priorities and just doesn't want sex as often anymore and there is nothing wrong with that.
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