A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I will keep this short. My boyfriend and I were in (large well known store) tonight. The cashier was being very slow and having difficulties with the register or something. WE had to wait...My bf then starts saying OUT LOUD something along the lines of lack of intelligence of (that well known store) employees.And how they are not bright and something to that effect. I said SHUSH!!! When we got to the car I said he sounded so rude, arrogant and condescending with comments such as those. And he said they were true and didn't care if anyone heard, matter of fact they should have. I told him if you want to think those things that is fine but just not to say it out loud where it can be heard. He is now being so pissy with me saying that I degraded him by calling him arrogant and pompous and self righteous. That I was putting him at the same intelligence of a (large well known store) employee. When all i meant was his comments sounded as such. I am beyond frustrated. He is making ME sound like a bad person here when he was the one who was rude! What good would it do for someone to hear that comment , other than to hurt their feelings? I tried to make amends with him but he said he does not sugar coat anything and it is the truth and acts mad at ME. I don't want to break up over this but I am beyond frustrated. I even said there is a time and place to say things and that was not the right time nor place. He went into me degrading him, and not standing up for the man he is and supporting him. I mean ..come on here. WHAT! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (29 December 2014):
Not really liking the "boys will be boys" vibe going on in the comments here. He was rude and arrogant, end of story. Being a guy doesn't give him the excuse to behave like a condescending ass to store employees. You were right to call him out on it OP.
Him accusing the you of "putting him at the same intelligence of a (large well known store) employee" stood out to me. He really views these people as being beneath him. I think that's a very bad personality trait.
Seemingly trivial stuff like this, if it happens repeatedly in different settings, point to a big character flaw that shouldn't be ignored. I suspect this was not an isolated incident, just one in many instances where the bf makes degrading comments to elevate his own status.
Everyone deals with employees who aren't as fast or as sharp as usual. Doesn't mean they're dumb; they might be new to it, they might have a bad day, etc. Also, like you said, making such a comment contributes absolutely nothing to the situation. It does not help the employee to do their job better; if only it'll make them even more nervous not to fuck up. Not being able to consider this makes him seem narrow minded and certainly not as sharp and intelligent as he himself thinks he is.
OP, if you want this relationship to work, I think it would be wise to elaborately explain why what he said makes him look so bad. I really don't think he understands. He was exerting his dominance over someone he deems inferior and he doesn't get that by doing so, he's sunk lower than they ever will be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2014): Whaaattt? I'm not sticking up for either of you so this will be my response: I think you got so embarrassed that you felt the need to lash out and get upset (over reacting in my opinion) when you could have just gently said "I'm sorry that took so long but what you did wasn't exactly acceptable. You made me feel embarrassed so please don't do that again, you could have waited in the car..." or something like that.
And with him? Well let's just say I grew up with 7 brothers and with boys their patience is not the best. So I "kinda" get why he did that. Boys have to express themselves in some way, if a male is ever quiet for so long then something isn't right. Unless he's like that. And he probably wanted attention from you if you wasn't talking to him or ignoring him. And when you lashed out on him he must have had his feelings hurt because he knew he was being a dumb ass. If there's one thing men cannot stand it's a verbal whooping from his woman. Fr. They know when they are wrong they just hate being called on it. Basically in a nutshell, you need to "taste your words before you spit them out" cause that was a little unnecessary to me and since you didn't you probably hurt him and made him feel bad even though he already should. He feels guilty and immature and doesn't know how to say it so you two should talk.
Or, just don't bring him anywhere. #Experience
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2014): I have to say I'm disappointed in the amount of replies sticking up for your bf. Yes it's a hectic time of year, even more so for the store employees that have to put up with this sort of bad behaviour. How would he feel if someone came up to him in his place of employment and said those things.
You were absolutely right to call him out on his bad behaviour. Now we can only hope he gets down off his high horse and begins to act like an adult and not a stroppy 4 year old that doesn't want to wait his turn.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2014): People get moody and frustrated, all the shopping involved around the holidays. You work all year long, finally get a week off and have to spend it at the mall bumping shoulders with strangers, having to race like an idiot to the game aisle to grab the very last Rainbow Unicorn Attack for your nephew, waiting in two hour long lines just to pay for a knitted Elf sweater for your cousin that you know she'll never wear. Realizing an hour into this line that won't move, feeling your knees are about to buckle, that you are doing this just to buy a bar of soap for your secret Santa.
It's frustrating. Especially for guys. Probably thoughts like these were running through his head and he just kind of lost it and was rude and obnoxious.
He is not stupid, he knows he shouldn't have done that. I think you should've just let him cool off and then without attacking him say, "look I know you are frustrated, we had a long day, and thank you for hanging in there but please don't do that in public. I didn't like that." And then walk away. He just didn't like the way you attacked him and called him names. Yes, he was wrong, no doubt. But two wrongs don't make a right and you were on the attack. You could've expressed yourself a lot less abrasively and gotten the same point across without hurting his feelings.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 December 2014):
 My husband has a tendency of making an ass of himself while out, because he has a big mouth. I usually just tell him to go get to Duct tape so we can try and fix his stupid.... He is who he is. And yea, it can be annoying. At times I just walk away.
But if he EVER told me that I wasn't SUPPORTING him (when he was being an ass) I would tell him straight out that I do NOT wish to support moronic behavior. And if he doesn't like that, there is the door.. Bye Bye.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 December 2014):
 Some of us guys will find the flimsiest excuse to make absolute ASSES of ourselves....
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 December 2014):
 All you have to do if you don't want to leave him for this (and it will NOT change and with time will only get worse trust me) is smile that lovely embarrassed smile that women learn to use when out in public with stupid men (husbands usually) and say "I didn't raise him I just own him now"
IT is VERY embarrassing and I tend to just go out without my husband since he can be a fool in public.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2014): "A person who is not nice to the waitress is not a nice person" have you ever heard this? I think it applies here. everybody gets frustrated at how busy shops get at this time of year but taking it out on the cashiers does not help and it makes him look silly. You disagreeing has probably hurt his pride, but well done you for sticking up for others who don't deserve to be treated badly. Your Bf is being very childish. Maybe consider if he is actually a kind person, or if it was just the holiday getting to him? I would just wait for him to get over it and if it happened again I would do the same. He needs to let it go.Would he prefer it if you were the kind of person who didn't care how others were treated?? Best of luck! Misskin xx
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