A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How can I become immune to the social pressure from family and friends to get married and 'settle down' already? I'm in my twenties, in a happy longterm relationship and still studying. We have a three year plan regarding starting a family.I have reflected deeply and I know I'm not yet ready but the pressure is stressing me out!Coupled with this, I'm very competitive so I feel like my friends have won in that race to having a family even though rationally, I know that I don't want that prize yet. I still want to win! I am very good at fending off unwanted opinions when people start advising me to tie the knot sooner rather than later. But how do I make peace with my decision to run a different race from my peers who are all either married, engaged, knocked or raising kids?Thanks for your help!
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (4 January 2014):
 You make peace with it by seeing the benefits in it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2014): Thanks all for your responses.
Just to clarify; I am not asking you to stop me from starting a family for the wrong reasons.
I am asking you how I can stay on my path without the feeling that I'm losing somehow.
Lieutenant; I did say I do not want to be a mother yet. I wouldn't say this if I thought I was ready so you saying I'm not ready yet is moot and just repeating what I said. Thanks for your opinion nevertheless.
What I mean by 'I am good at fending off unwanted opinion' is that I'm not moved by people's suggestions or advice to start a family. It is not their words that affect me. It's their actions that make me feel a pressure to compete.
I have always been a high performer academically and in my professional experiences and it is hard for me to relax when I see other people achieving things that are within reach that I am 'opting' not to pursue.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (31 December 2013):
 Here's my suggestion:
Whenever the circumstances are such that you might feel the stress coming on.... you say to yourself: "Damn, I'm happy with my life, now; and the plans that I have for the future. I sure hope that this (whatever is causing the stress) doesn't take too long, because I would just as soon get on with MY life... and not spend a whit of time or energy comparing it (my life) to others' lives...."
That should do it. If you need an embossed card with this message on it, you can get one for just $19.99 (plus $24.99, shipping and handling)..... But wait! If you act now, I'll throw in a T-shirt that sez; "Are you talkin' to me????"
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Lieutenant +, writes (31 December 2013):
You need to grow up. Long-term life choices like marriage and children (children are there forever, you can't divorce them) are not frivolous things that you should be in "competition" with anyone. If you don't understand that, you are most likely not ready to be a wife and certainly not a mother.
"How can I become immune to the social pressure from family and friends to get married and 'settle down' already?"
"I am very good at fending off unwanted opinions when people start advising me to tie the knot sooner rather than later"
From your question, it seems like your problem is not "fending off unwanted opinion" from family and friends, but realising that life is NOT a race; when you realise this, you will be able to "make peace with (your) decision" and at that point, you will be ready to be a wife and mother.
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