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female
,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid, I am seeing a guy that is 13 years older than I am. I am 21 and he is 34. We have been together for a year and a half. I love this man more than anything in the world. But lately I have been questioning his level of commitment. He still talks to his ex, which in most cases wouldn't bother me except for the fact that when he talks to her on the phone he makes sure that he isn't around me when he talks to her. And when he emails her he totally erases it from the list and does the same when she emails him. Today I found out that he joined a college chat group. He is not in college, but she is. What do I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, becky05 +, writes (7 August 2005):
How do you know for sure hes e-mailing her if hes erasing it?
Perhaps he thinks you will get jealous of him talking to her and this is why hes being so secretive.
Tell him how you feel and how you would rather he be open about it.
A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (6 August 2005):
I think that you need some honest answers from this guy. You don't mention whether you have actually spoken to him about his relationship with his ex, and the fact you're aware that he messages her secretly. Have you confronted him with your suspicions? Have you told him that it hurts you and makes you doubt his commitment that he is being secretive about contact with his ex?
I think that you need to broach the subject with him tactfully and try and get some answers. Relationships are based on honesty and trust. If he has nothing to hide surely he won't mind you asking him about this? If on the other hand he gets defensive and angry, you may have good reason to doubt his honour.
I don't think it is unreasonable for you to question his behaviour. I would do the same.
All the best
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